Matthew Gray Writes: The Great Facebook Purge

1329 to 85

* Ah, the aftermath of today’s great Facebook purge. It’s been like shedding my digital skin, a rebirth into a world less cluttered and more meaningful. This feeling is nothing short of cosmic. Especially for someone, I speak for myself, with dual identities and multiple personalities. Consider the possibilities!

Each click of the ‘Unfriend’ button was a release, a severing of superfluous energies that had been unknowingly weighing Me down. It was a cathartic cleanse, a detox of the digital kind. The purge was not just about reducing numbers, it was about offloading the unnecessary, the irrelevant, the forgotten, and the unknown. I started the day endeavoring to lose a *lot* of weight, without Ozempic, I might add!

Beginning this journey there were 1329 of you. That’s a fucking big number, right? Not quite as many as the stoners and others who attended my Grant high school parties at my Delano street house, but still, whoa, right? Now, there’s just 85 of you!


And oh, how light I feel! It was as if I had been carrying a backpack full of rocks, and with each ‘Unfriend’ click, a rock was removed. By the time the rocks were gone and my backpack empty, the relief is palpable.

The digital world suddenly seems less daunting, less noisy. It’s no longer a chaotic marketplace of thoughts, opinions, and cat videos. Now it’s a serene garden, filled only with the people and things that truly matter to me. No more performance pressure.

The satisfaction derived from thinning the herd is immense. It’s gratifying to know that every person who remains is here for a reason. You are not just a face on a screen, but a meaningful connection that adds value to my life.

So, if you ever find yourself drowning in a sea of digital acquaintances, remember my story. Remember the liberation that comes from letting go, from prioritizing quality over quantity. Because in the end, it’s not about having the most friends, it’s about having the right ones. And that, dear friends, is a feeling more gratifying than any ‘Like’ could ever be. The End.

Matthew Gray Writes: Summertime Food Magic – Let’s Eat!

The Symphony of Flavors: A Culinary Journey Through the Senses

Food is more than just sustenance; it’s an experience that engages all our senses. Imagine walking into a bustling market, the air thick with the aroma of spices, fresh produce, and baked goods. Each scent tells a story, inviting you to explore the world through your taste buds.

Sight: The Art of Plating

The first sense that food engages is sight. A beautifully plated dish is like a work of art, with colors and textures that draw you in. Think of a vibrant salad with greens, reds, and yellows, or a decadent dessert with layers of chocolate and berries. The visual appeal sets the stage for the culinary experience to come.

Smell: The Prelude to Taste

The sense of smell is closely linked to taste, and it plays a crucial role in our perception of flavor. The aroma of freshly baked bread, the smoky scent of grilled meat, or the fragrant spices in a curry can evoke memories and create anticipation. It’s the prelude to the symphony of flavors that awaits.

Taste: The Main Event

Taste is the star of the show, with its five primary sensations: sweet, salty, sour, bitter, and umami. Each bite is a complex interplay of these flavors, creating a unique experience. Consider the balance of sweet and tangy in a perfectly ripe mango, the savory depth of a well-seasoned stew, or the bittersweet notes of dark chocolate. Each dish tells a story through its flavors.

Touch: The Texture of Food

Texture adds another layer to the culinary experience. The crunch of a fresh vegetable, the creaminess of a rich sauce, or the chewiness of a perfectly cooked piece of meat all contribute to our enjoyment of food. It’s the tactile element that makes each bite satisfying and memorable.

Sound: The Final Note

Even sound plays a role in our food experience. The sizzle of a steak on the grill, the crackle of a crispy crust, or the pop of a champagne cork all add to the sensory symphony. These sounds enhance our anticipation and enjoyment, making the meal a multi-sensory event.

Conclusion: A Celebration of Food

Food is a celebration of life, culture, and creativity. It’s a way to connect with others, explore new flavors, and indulge in the pleasures of the senses. So next time you sit down to a meal, take a moment to appreciate the symphony of flavors and the journey it takes you on.  What Can I fix you to eat, my friend?

“Row By Row” By David Woods Bartley

Guest Post By

David Woods Bartley

During the second leg of a recent trip on American Airlines from Sacramento to
Hartford, I witnessed an amazing display of willful and blatant connection the likes of
which I have seldom seen.

Towards the end of the flight, I watched the graceful movements of one of the flight
attendants. Judithann, a lovely 60-something woman with a radiant smile, bright eyes
that literally sparkled, crisp uniform, and a posture that would make an Army officer
proud, systematically went from row to row acknowledging and thanking every
passenger for flying with her and her crewmates.

And to be clear, these precious verbal touches were not of the drive-through variety.
Not by a long shot. Instead, each interaction was fresh and purposeful, intended to
pause time for a moment so that each person felt as if they were the only passenger
on the plane.

From my seat towards the rear, I settled back to witness the individual reactions to the
joy Judithann, by way of but a few caring words spoken, poured over their person.

As there was no warning of the impending grace, it was apparent those in the front of
the plane were taken aback by this unexpected gift. It took each person a moment to
recognize this old fashioned, pull up a chair on the front porch type of gesture. But,
for those of us in the back, having the advantage of seeing what was coming, we
began acting like small puppies eager for the same treat our litter mate just got.

As I waited for my moment in the sun, I found myself straining to come up with
some way to return what was about to be gifted to me. But when Judithann finally
came to a stop in front of me, I was rendered mute, and all I could do was delight in
her offering and smile in return. And, as she walked away, the connection Judithann
created lingered on me like a cool mist on a hot August afternoon.

This extraordinary airborne experience is yet another in a growing number of
connection stories I am packing into the satchel of my mind. Each is a tale of how the
simplest of acts influence and even change our lives; how smiles heal hurts, how
words transform fears, and how acts of grace pull us into the warm space of
belonging when we are feeling the icy chill of life to the core of our being.

Dr. Drew Ramsey is an esteemed psychiatrist, and I ran across a quote from the good
doctor that speaks of both the problem we now face regarding the epidemic of suicide
and the solution we each hold in our hands:

“Someone you see today is thinking about killing themselves. Your smile, your question, your love
could save them. Trust me. They told me it did.”

All that has me wondering; just how many lives did Judithann save today?

Matthew Gray Writes! You have got to be shitting me!

Spoiler Alert                                                                                 

You may wish to not read this if any of the following categories of my Real-Life offends, sickens, motivates you to UN-Friend me, or compels you to report me to the authorities.

In general and in unspecific order those categories might include…

* Scatological mentions, (humorous or otherwise).
* Adult in nature (typically humorous only where I am concerned; for you it’s always tragic.
* Critical, Satirical, and Angry outbursts… just being myself…

If, on the other hand, you find this blog to your liking, well, that makes you an even better person than your Mom told you that you were/are your entire life.

Ok then, please don’t say I didn’t warn you…

Later that evening (after crashing the New York Chinatown food tour), where I got my dumpling fix in spades, turns out that I became a hungry man after several hours of traipsing the streets of NYC without constant caloric intake.

The Mid-Town West area near our hotel isn’t known for excellent Chinese food, and yes, believe it or not, even though we ate Chinese food earlier in the day, that’s what we were feeling like again later that evening.  So, we consulted many online sources and decided upon a place called Szechuan Gourmet, within walking distance, that conjured-up dishes using the tongue-numbing Szechuan peppers we had been jonesing for.

Oh, allow me to back-up a bit.  The next day we were planning on going to Williamsburg in Brooklyn for their hipper-than-thou, hotter-than-hell, and extremely jam-packed foodie festival.  We were both looking forward to this event for quite some time.  However, there were some signs that hinted (a pre-destiny of sorts?) of things to come.

We’d be going there with our dear sweet friend Elissa, who made her way to New York from Philly just to spend some time with us.  She’d lived in New York City for several years prior to moving to Philly, (just a small note for those of you keeping score).  That said, you’d think she’d know her way around the city, right? Bless her heart.

Well, we’d meet in Mid-Town and make our way to the East Side Ferry (because Brooklyn is to the EAST of Manhattan – that’s where it is, really, across the East River) and enjoy a pleasurable and gustatory delight this festival promised to deliver.

We hopped aboard a cross-town bus to get to the East River to catch aforementioned ferry, but guess what? We hopped aboard the wrong freaking cross-town bus and went all the way WEST, to the Hudson.  Big fail.  I looked at Elissa with my best WTF?!? glare, then laughed it off, and playfully goofed on Elissa for her positively blonde {directionally-challenging} moment regarding NYC navigation.  No biggie, we’d get there eventually, is what we said.

Ok, so, back to the previous night’s dinner at Szechuan Gourmet.  Or should I say our apres-repast?  The dishes we ordered, eggplant in garlic sauce, a prawn this-or-that, and a beef with mushrooms each hit the spot… at the moment.  I mean, there were no bodies writhing about on the dining room floor or anything like that.  So we dug-in and, for the most part (aside from my usual quietly-critical remarks like, “needs more sugar and ginger” or “the beef’s kinda chewy, wouldn’t you agree?”) everything was as good as expected.

But then, not long after, upon arrival back to our relatively close hotel, Lin bee-lined for the loo and, had a brief moment, alone, with her body’s personal reaction to Szechuan Gourmet.  Poor dear.

All things pass… eventually.  We went to sleep rather early to prepare for our epic food journey the following morning. But whatever upset Lin’s tummy the previous night manifested itself inside me in ways I can’t even begin to explain.  But I’ll try…

I awakened distended, perturbed, painfully-gassy, and about to `splode like Mount Saint Matthew.  A shit storm was a-brewin’ and I was beginning my day in Hell’s sewer.  (Nowhere near Hell’s Kitchen, where I got a bloody shave and a haircut, almost needing to visit the E.R. afterwards).  Clearly, that’s another story.

Stumbling to the toilet, I’d tough it out, no biggie, I’d been there before (we all have…don’t judge me!), but after the first hour or two embracing the porcelain shrine, I decided that I’d live up to my promise and do my best to make the Brooklyn food festival.

I’d just load up on Pepto pills and some other binding agent (and a spare roll of T.P.) and I should be fine, just fine, right?

But that wasn’t the case.

If you’re still reading this, you know the feeling when you just MUST sit down or something terribly dramatic will happen.  And it usually does, after a short while, at least.  But normally, it’s in-private.

I was whining on the ferry ride over to Brooklyn, and wouldn’t you know it, their bathrooms were out of order.  Unusable.  I couldn’t even pick the lock on the door.

So, we arrive in Brooklyn, finally, on a terribly hot and humid day, jam-packed and surrounded by all humanity (or so it seemed), not unlike a typical day in Calcutta.  Not the best place to find a location to relax in, never mind a toilet, which I, dear God, needed so much.

Meanwhile, all through my gastric distress, hunched-over like Quasimodo, all Elissa could do was describe, in detail, how one of her friends got sick, really sick, at the Passover Seder she had once gone to.

That did the trick. I shat myself.

It was horrible, and terribly embarrassing.  Lin began to sprint around Williamsburg to find a toilet for me, while Elissa giggled up a storm at how peculiar this all was.  I mean, really, how could it be this was happening to her again so soon?

I saw the Port-a-Pottie area outside the gates and, with a full payload in my pants, tried waiting my turn for the next available stall.

I decided to try using one of the “Vendors Only” stalls and actually found one that was open.  What happened for the next twenty or so minutes was just plain horrific.  Some may leave their hearts in San Francisco, but what I left behind in Williamsburg wasn’t something you’d give to your worst enemy.  That place, I’m confident, has been condemned by now.

Embarrassed, battered, bruised, and without undergarments, one of the girls suggested I shop for pants.  All I could muster up was, “let’s just find a fucking place to sit down, hopefully outside.”

My dream of an all-day-long taste-gasm was not to be. Never even got inside the food festival.  I shit you not.

What follows is Lin’s post on Trip Advisor about the restaurant that “allegedly” got me sick.  I find it quite hilarious… now, that is…

Lin’s Review of the Chinese Place

I shat myself!

Next stop, Barcelona…

Matthew Gray Writes: ☼ TONGUE SEDUCTION IN BARCELONA ☼

Eat Barcelona is my latest catch-phrase. No foodie would argue with me on this. Nor would any night-owl type who happens to love food & drink.

Dinnertime here often doesn’t even get going until 9, maybe 10pm. There have been plenty of nights (after a particularly active day of sight-seeing) when we don’t sit down for our evening repast until 11pm.

Not to suggest that one doesn’t wait to eat until late; it’s just that your days are filled with so many goodies, often called tapas, but here in Barcelona, those bite-sized snacks/morsels (often skewered onto toothpicks) are often referred to as pintxos as well as tapas.

It’s because Barcelona generally regards itself as (almost) a separate nation (Catalunya), with a different language (Catalan is the dominant language, very similar to Spanish), although many people {thankfully} speak English. I am so jealous of the Europeans, many of whom can rattle-off three or four different languages fluently. I have language-envy.

Today we started with the Devour Barcelona Food Tours (http://devourbarcelonafoodtours.com/), led by Renee Christensen, an ex-pat with a passion for Spain, food, fun, and people. That’s a perfect mix for a food tour guide, right? If she lived in Honolulu, I’d hire her in a hot-second to do my Hawaii Food Tours.

The group of about 10 guests on our tour met in a charming village section of town called Gracia, and we were led through the serpentine streets for tasty bites for several hours.

We tasted the famous ham (jamon Iberica), which is sacred here. As a matter of fact, at the very least in Spain, Italy and France, they all claim bragging rights to who has the best ham in the world. This ain’t your daddy’s ham, my friend, no no.

This is legendary swine, dry-cured in mountain air for a month or two, then aged for up to 4 years. It’s everywhere, and yes, it’s ridiculously expensive. How does (up to) 199 Euro per kilo sound to you? I’ve even seen it priced higher in some places. It’s an OMG thing, really.

Anyway, Renee treated us to her personal version of the wonderful history of the city, the region, the country, the foods, and the mixed cultures of the people who settled in and around Barcelona.

We tasted Cava, the amazing Spanish version of Champagne, of which I am a huge fan. The history of cava dates back to the first half of the 19th century, when some Catalan winemakers tried to follow in the footsteps of French champagne makers, but with their own set of rules.

Today, cava is an extremely popular drink in Barcelona and in Catalonia. You can find extraordinary quality here – Recaredo and Gramona, to name two of the best varieties – for a very good price, especially if you measure them by French standards.

After a few tips of the bubbly, we were off to another place for a homey, stew-like concoction of cece (garbanzo) beans, and a big meaty meatball, in a hearty tomato-based broth, topped with a lighter-than-air bread-like edible dunking tool (tool?) that reminded me of those “Stella D’oro” biscuits back in the day (my day, a very long time ago), but without any sweetness. Yum!

A Middle Eastern bakery was in the line-up where we consumed all sorts of phyllo pastries, with assorted nuts, in that famous ooey-gooey thick & sweet treacle-like sauce. Oh!

Another market was a showcase for the almighty olive, another national treasure of sorts, many different varieties and styles and textures. I loved cured and pickled foods. And, with Renee’s outstanding knowledge, all the scents, sights and flavors came alive that much more.

A stop for a refreshing beer was quite nice. A bit later on we visited a genuinely famous dark and dank space, with smoke-stained walls, for vermouth. Vermouth is experiencing a renaissance in Barcelona at the moment, from places like the one we visited (average customer age, about 80), all the way to young and trendy bars and nightclubs, vermouth is “in” right now. Who woulda known it…

I can hardly remember all the foods, but there was a cheese tasting, of course. Spain, along with many of its Euro neighbors, creates cheesy masterpieces. Really enjoyed that.

But one of our very favorite bites of the day was in the back room of a cheery, clean and bright bakery that served crema Catalana cake bites, which at first glance looks a bit like a scallop, but believe-you-me, this was a tongue seduction that will last for a very long time indeed. I call it “magic custard cake!” And you will too.

Anyone visiting Barcelona (and who eats) should do this tour. Ask for Renée Christensen. Tell her I sent you.

More food to come in my next posts!

Bon dia!

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Matthew Gray Writes ☼ Barcelona – A Never-ending Gaudi Trip

Many of you have been to my home (referred to as “The Tree-house”) in Honolulu, but not all of you, yet.  I look forward to meeting and feeding you in the not-too-distant future, though, as soon as it quiets down around here.

Point is, for coming up on 5 years now, the guy next door (who shall remain nameless) has been “working” on his house, day and all-freaking-night; banging, drilling, sawing and jack-hammering every G.D. day.

My body, mind and spirit has been bashed into itsy-bitsy particles of eternally-violated cosmic Matthew-dust.  Prayer does not work, by the way.

I’m not a bar person, so escaping to the neighborhood pub is out of the question.  Besides, who could hang out at a bar all day and night?  Drugs to escape?  Definitely an option, however, after years of traveling alongside rock & roll bands like Pink Floyd, Fleetwood Mac, the Stones, Led Zep, and others, well, let’s just say drugs will not be my savior during this construction from Hell era.

After all, it’s quiet we’re after… right?

What I truly am now, is one big `ol mellow trucker, something I always aspired to, but now, genuinely, have morphed into.  But it’s often challenging…

Where was I?  Oh yeah, pondering Eternity, that’s where…

Ok, so, still here in Barcelona.  Loving {almost} everything about this place, and have spent countless hours staring and studying and trying to understand La Sagrada Familia, the longest-running show in architecture, at least during the past 130+ years.

From the outside it’s just the oddest, strangest, most stunningly unusual building you’ll ever see.  There is scaffolding all over the place that can be seen all around the exterior of the building.  But, do not visit Barcelona without going inside this place for a truly mind-blowing hallucinogenic experience.

The stained glass is extraordinary, allowing light, from sunrise to sunset, to gift you with colors only available here, in more hues, tones and densities than ten-thousand imaginations, or artist’s palette’s could ever conjure.

Gaudi’s work is all over the Barcelona area.  You must see as much of it as possible.

La Sagrada Familia, to this very day, is actually a work-in-progress basilica, a cathedral, a Roman Catholic church, designed by mega-genius and engineer Antoni Gaudi, dating back to 1882 when construction commenced, leaving no doubt whatsoever in my mind that my neighbor must share some distant DNA with Gaudi, at least as far as job deadlines go.

 

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Matthew Gray Writes: How To Engage with Intellectually & Factually Overmatched People

By Matthew Gray

Engaging in a debate with someone who is intellectually and factually overmatched requires a thoughtful and respectful approach. Here are some tips to help you navigate such a situation:

  1. Remain Respectful: Regardless of the other person’s knowledge level, maintaining a respectful tone is essential. Avoid condescension or dismissive behavior, as it can escalate the situation and hinder productive communication.
  2. Focus on Common Ground: Identify areas of agreement or common understanding to establish a foundation for the discussion. This can create a positive atmosphere and build rapport, even if you disagree on certain points.
  3. Listen Actively: Give the other person an opportunity to express their thoughts and opinions. Active listening shows that you value their perspective and can lead to a more constructive exchange of ideas.
  4. Ask Open-Ended Questions: Pose open-ended questions that encourage the other person to elaborate on their viewpoints. This approach can help you better understand their perspective and create opportunities for them to consider different angles.
  5. Present Evidence: While the other person may be factually overmatched, presenting evidence and credible sources to support your own arguments can be effective. Be sure to share information respectfully and avoid appearing confrontational.
  6. Use Analogies and Examples: Simplify complex concepts by using relatable analogies and real-world examples. This can help bridge the gap in understanding and make your points more accessible.
  7. Avoid Personal Attacks: Stick to the topic at hand and avoid personal attacks. Critique ideas, not individuals. Attacking someone personally can shut down meaningful discussion and harm the overall tone of the debate. This, however, is what the overmatched person resorts to when they flail hopelessly to engage in debate which is meaningfu. This is toxic behavior and you are justified in shutting it down at this moment, otherwise it’s analagous to making allowances for challenged debaters.
  8. Provide Clear Explanations: If the other person seems to struggle with certain concepts, offer clear and concise explanations. Avoid jargon and technical terms that might be unfamiliar to them.
  9. Acknowledge Valid Points: If the other person presents valid points or concerns, acknowledge them. Demonstrating that you’re open to considering different viewpoints can create a more productive atmosphere.
  10. Redirect if Necessary: If the conversation becomes unproductive or veers off track, gently guide it back to the main points. Avoid getting bogged down in tangential discussions.
  11. End on a Positive Note: If the debate isn’t leading to a resolution, agree to disagree respectfully. Ending the conversation on a positive note can leave the door open for future discussions and maintain a sense of mutual respect.
  12. Know When to Disengage: If the other person becomes hostile or the conversation is unproductive, it’s okay to disengage. Your time and energy are valuable, and not all debates lead to fruitful outcomes.

Remember that the goal of a debate isn’t always to “win,” but rather to exchange ideas, learn from each other, and potentially reach a deeper understanding. By approaching the conversation with patience, respect, and a willingness to listen, you can have a meaningful exchange even when dealing with an intellectually and factually overmatched individual.

Matthew Gray Writes: Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce’s Relationship Timeline

By Matthew Gray

Taylor Swift, the multi-Grammy-winning superstar, and Travis Kelce, the Kansas City Chiefs tight end, have kindled an apparent romance that’s taken the entertainment world by storm. The crossover of sports and music has gotten even the NFL involved, issuing a statement about just how much they’ve tapped into Swift attending games in promo material 1.

Kelce officially entered his Swiftie era when he attended the second of the “Anti-Hero” singer’s two performances on his home turf in Kansas City on July 8, 2023 2Before the concert, held at Arrowhead Stadium, Kelce was seen chatting with other Swifties and even trading friendship bracelets, according to a video posted on X (formerly Twitter) 1.

A few weeks later, Kelce said on his podcast, “New Heights,” that he was “butt hurt” he couldn’t give Swift a friendship bracelet — a tradition among Swifts’ concertgoers — that included his phone number. “I was disappointed that she doesn’t talk before or after her shows because she has to save her voice for the 44 songs that she sings,” Kelce told his brother and cohost, Philadelphia Eagles center Jason Kelce 2.

Fast forward to October, and it looks like all the dominoes cascaded in a line; the paparazzi snapped photos of the duo on Saturday after enjoying a date night in New York City. Although photos are said to be worth a thousand words, the pair have not confirmed their relationship status 1.

On October 23, 2023, rumors of a romantic connection between Swift and Kelce ignited, a month when Swift attended several of Kelce’s games. Kelce himself disclosed that he extended an invitation to Swift to join him at one of his games during an appearance on “The Pat McAfee Show” podcast 3.

In conclusion, Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce’s budding romance has been the talk of the town. Fans of both the NFL and music industry are excited to see where this relationship goes. We’ll keep you updated as more information becomes available!

Matthew Gray Writes: Navigating the Promise and Perils of Artificial Intelligence: A Journey into the World of AI

By Matthew Gray

Artificial Intelligence (AI) is a branch of computer science that aims to create intelligent machines that can perform tasks that typically require human intelligence. AI is a rapidly growing field that has the potential to revolutionize the way we live and work. In this blog post, we will explore the basics of AI, its applications, and its impact on society.

What is Artificial Intelligence?

Artificial Intelligence is the ability of machines to perform tasks that would typically require human intelligence. AI systems are designed to learn from experience, adjust to new inputs, and perform tasks that are difficult or impossible for humans to do. AI can be classified into two categories: narrow or weak AI and general or strong AI.

Narrow or weak AI is designed to perform a specific task, such as facial recognition or language translation. These systems are trained on large datasets and use algorithms to identify patterns and make predictions. Narrow AI is already being used in a variety of applications, including self-driving cars, virtual assistants, and fraud detection.

General or strong AI, on the other hand, is designed to perform any intellectual task that a human can do. This type of AI is still in the research phase and is not yet available for commercial use.

Applications of Artificial Intelligence

AI has a wide range of applications across various industries. Here are some examples:

  1. Healthcare: AI is being used to improve patient outcomes and reduce costs. AI systems can analyze medical data to identify patterns and make predictions about patient health. This can help doctors diagnose diseases earlier and develop more effective treatment plans.
  2. Finance: AI is being used to detect fraud and improve risk management. AI systems can analyze large datasets to identify patterns and anomalies that may indicate fraudulent activity. This can help financial institutions prevent fraud and reduce losses.
  3. Manufacturing: AI is being used to improve efficiency and reduce costs in manufacturing. AI systems can analyze data from sensors and other sources to optimize production processes and reduce waste.
  4. Retail: AI is being used to personalize the shopping experience and improve customer service. AI systems can analyze customer data to make personalized product recommendations and provide targeted marketing messages.

Impact of Artificial Intelligence on Society

AI has the potential to transform society in many ways. Here are some of the potential benefits and risks of AI:

  1. Benefits: AI has the potential to improve healthcare outcomes, reduce costs, and increase efficiency in many industries. AI can also help us solve some of the world’s most pressing problems, such as climate change and poverty.
  2. Risks: AI also poses some risks to society. One of the biggest risks is job displacement. As AI systems become more advanced, they may replace human workers in many industries. This could lead to widespread unemployment and economic disruption. AI also raises ethical concerns, such as privacy and security risks.

Conclusion

Artificial Intelligence is a rapidly growing field that has the potential to revolutionize the way we live and work. AI systems are already being used in a variety of applications, including healthcare, finance, manufacturing, and retail. While AI has the potential to bring many benefits to society, it also poses some risks. As AI continues to evolve, it is important to carefully consider its impact on society and take steps to mitigate any potential risks.

The Ultimate Guide to Car Shipping in Hawaii

Hawaii, a captivating destination renowned for its beaches, lush mountains, and vibrant culture, attracts people from around the globe. Whether you’re planning a move to Hawaii or want to bring your car along for your vacation, you might be curious about how to transport your vehicle. In this guide on car shipping to Hawaii, we’ll take you through all the information to ensure a seamless process.

Selecting the Right Shipping Method

You have two options when shipping your car using Hawaii auto transport: open and enclosed transport. 

Open transport is the most used and cost-effective method. Your vehicle, loaded onto a trailer alongside other cars, is transported by a shipping vessel. This method protects against weather conditions and road debris and is generally considered safe and suitable for vehicles.

On the other hand, enclosed transport offers added protection for your vehicle. It involves placing your car inside a container that’s climate-controlled. This recommended method is for cars, luxury sedans, or vehicles requiring safeguarding during transportation. However, open transport is usually the most common option compared to other transportation methods.

Research and Select a Trustworthy Car Shipping Company

When choosing a car shipping company, it’s crucial to research and find a provider with a track record of shipping cars to Hawaii. Look for companies that have customer reviews and extensive experience in the field. Obtain quotes from companies to compare prices, services, and insurance coverage.

Additionally, it’s vital to ensure that the company you choose holds the licenses and insurance coverage. Request proof of insurance and enquire about any coverage options they may have available. A reliable car shipping company will prioritize communication, provide updates, and deliver excellent customer service throughout shipping.

Getting Your Vehicle Ready for Transportation

Before your vehicle is shipped, there are steps you should take to ensure a seamless process:

Clean your vehicle thoroughly: Clean your car’s interior and exterior meticulously, making it easier to identify any existing damage during inspection.

Remove personal belongings: Remove all items and valuable possessions from your vehicle before handing the car over for shipment. It’s important to note that shipping companies are not responsible for any items left inside the vehicle.

Document with photographs: Capture photographs of your car from all angles to document its condition before shipping.

Here are a few essential things to keep in mind when shipping your car:

Ensure your car is in running condition: Before shipping, it’s crucial to check that the vehicle is mechanically sound. Inspect the battery, tires, brakes, and fluid levels. If you notice any issues, inform the shipping company ahead of time.

Disable toll tags and alarms: To avoid any charges or complications during transit, remember to deactivate any toll tags, alarms, or GPS systems installed in your vehicle.

Insurance and liability coverage: While most car shipping companies provide insurance coverage, it’s essential to understand what they cover and what they don’t. The basic level of coverage may only partially protect the value of your vehicle. Consider purchasing insurance for added peace of mind.

Before finalizing any agreements, carefully review the terms and conditions of the shipping company’s insurance policy. Pay attention to deductibles, exclusions, and potential extra charges. If you have any questions or concerns about their policy, don’t hesitate to seek clarification from the shipping company.

Familiarize Yourself with the Shipping Process

Having an understanding of how the shipping process works will help you navigate through it confidently and smoothly. Here are the general steps involved:

Inspection: A shipping company will examine your vehicle before loading it onto the carrier to identify any damage and ensure it is in working condition.

Loading: Your car will be placed on the shipping carrier once the inspection is complete. The carrier can be a truck, train, or even an airplane, depending on the chosen mode of transportation.

Transportation: Your vehicle’s driver takes it to the port for shipment to Hawaii. The shipping company should provide you with updates and tracking information throughout this process.

Customs Clearance: Once your vehicle arrives in Hawaii, it will go through customs clearance procedures. You may need to provide documents such as the vehicle’s title, registration papers, and proof of insurance.

Delivery: After clearing customs, the driver will deliver your vehicle to a specified location in Hawaii. Before accepting the delivery, inspect the car for any damage.

Budgeting for Car Shipping:

Shipping a car to Hawaii can be quite costly; therefore, it is essential to plan your budget. The total cost depends on factors including the shipping method chosen, distance traveled, size and weight of your vehicle, and any additional services you may require.

When planning your budget, you should ask shipping companies for price quotes. Consider any expenses, such as insurance coverage, taxes, customs fees, or storage charges. Remember that the cheapest option might only sometimes be the right one; you should also consider the reliability and quality of each company’s service.

In Conclusion 

Shipping your car to Hawaii doesn’t have to be a tedious process. Following this guide on car shipping can ensure a stress-free experience. Selecting the shipping method, conducting research on reputable companies before booking, properly preparing your vehicle, understanding your insurance coverage details, familiarizing yourself with the shipping process, and budgeting accordingly are all crucial steps. With these points in mind, you’ll soon find yourself cruising along the roads without hassle.

Matthew Gray Writes: Molecular Gastronomy at Disfrutar

This was not just any Dinner. This was a creative endeavor, an artistic display, a gustatory sleight-of-hand, and more, courtesy of the folks over at Disfrutar, here in Barcelona.

The meaning of the Spanish word `Disfrutar’ translates to bask, delight, enjoy, take pleasure in, that kind of thing. It’s a hot, new-ish restaurant that is getting a lot of attention.

Interestingly enough, the comfort-level doesn’t correspond to the restaurant’s name, but really, this place is more about what is being attempted by the kitchen.

Born with a world-class pedigree that of El Bulli, long considered the best restaurant in the world, a few of E.B.’s former chefs opened this place up, and strive to mess with your mind, eyes, and taste-buds with almost everything presented before you. “What is that?” “Looks like a chile pepper, but it tastes like chocolate!” “Oh dear, what’s going on over here?!”

Molecular Gastronomy is a style of cooking (some say it’s “not real cooking” by the way) that will blow your mind. I suggest everyone try it, once. Just to experience it.

Wikipedia describes Molecular Gastronomy as “a subdiscipline of food science that seeks to investigate the physical and chemical transformations of ingredients that occur in cooking. Its program includes three axes, as cooking was recognized to have three components, which are social, artistic and technical. Molecular cuisine is a modern style of cooking, and takes advantage of many technical innovations from the scientific disciplines. The term “molecular gastronomy” was coined in 1988 by late Oxford physicist Nicholas Kurti and the French INRA chemist Hervé This. Some chefs associated with the term choose to reject its use, preferring other terms such as multi-sensory cooking, modernist cuisine, culinary physics, and experimental cuisine.”

We went all-in and opted for the “Festival” menu, priced at 98 Euro per person. So yes, it’s expensive. There were approximately 25 different plates; small tastes of edible theater-on-a-plate which, at times, pleasured, frustrated, confused, wowed, and on one occasion, it was, like, “Yuck, please take this away,” uttered almost simultaneously by both Lin and me to our lovely staffer, Isabel, a trooper, who did her best to translate and describe to us in English. She really was great.

I won’t go into one of my thousand+ word short story format I usually post, so will instead share some photos with you from our evening here.

As a former chef and a long-time eater (hahahaha… legendary appetite is what I usually say) I will repeat what I said above… try this type/style of food, at least once, just so you know what’s being hailed all over the world as the latest, if not greatest… I’m curious what your thoughts are.

Here we go with the captioned pics I took…

Taste the stories behind my photographs at www.HawaiiFoodTours.com/blog
Look at this menu!
Taste the stories behind my photographs at www.HawaiiFoodTours.com/blog
“The Beet that goes out of Land” is what the menu says.
Taste the stories behind my photographs at www.HawaiiFoodTours.com/blog
Crispy Bow with cured Iberian bacon, with caramel-coated hazelnuts flavored with elderberry.
Taste the stories behind my photographs at www.HawaiiFoodTours.com/blog
Tomato Polvoron, a melt-in-your-mouth creamy and tomatoey experience.
Taste the stories behind my photographs at www.HawaiiFoodTours.com/blog
Transparent Ravioli with basil and pine nuts inside, resting on a pine cone
Taste the stories behind my photographs at www.HawaiiFoodTours.com/blog
I get these looks when I keep her tanked-up.
Taste the stories behind my photographs at www.HawaiiFoodTours.com/blog
Not Real Olives, but definitely an OMG moment.
Taste the stories behind my photographs at www.HawaiiFoodTours.com/blog
Looks like an egg yolk, tasted like intense sweet orange.
Taste the stories behind my photographs at www.HawaiiFoodTours.com/blog
Smoked Cheese Biscuit, long-view, with Cava as well as wine
Taste the stories behind my photographs at www.HawaiiFoodTours.com/blog
Smoked Idiazabal cheese biscuit (a cheese I never heard of before) with tart-sweet apple flavor
Taste the stories behind my photographs at www.HawaiiFoodTours.com/blog
Crispy egg yolk with mushroom gelatin, as first plated
Taste the stories behind my photographs at www.HawaiiFoodTours.com/blog
Lin shows the interior of the egg yolk, which was lined with mushroom gelatin. Tres bien.
Taste the stories behind my photographs at www.HawaiiFoodTours.com/blog
Seafood and Avocado Meringue Sandwich – {May we have another one, please?)
Taste the stories behind my photographs at www.HawaiiFoodTours.com/blog
Anchovies (on left) on toast, with almond mato (on right, like ice cream, drizzled with a dark soy-based sauce).
Taste the stories behind my photographs at www.HawaiiFoodTours.com/blog
Marinated Oily Fish with Cauliflower Tabouleh and Mushrooms
Taste the stories behind my photographs at www.HawaiiFoodTours.com/blog
Gelatin-like pasta prior to the addition of the creamy and cheesy carbonara sauce
Taste the stories behind my photographs at www.HawaiiFoodTours.com/blog
Their version of carbonara, made with a gelatin-like pasta. Yum!
Taste the stories behind my photographs at www.HawaiiFoodTours.com/blog
Mussels with peas – didn’t like.
Taste the stories behind my photographs at www.HawaiiFoodTours.com/blog
Razor clams with the ever-present gastro-foam. Oh dear…
Taste the stories behind my photographs at www.HawaiiFoodTours.com/blog
Red Mullet with pork jowls and aubergine gnocchi. Very good.
Taste the stories behind my photographs at www.HawaiiFoodTours.com/blog
Lettuce-wrap with fried langoustine, topped with foam.
Taste the stories behind my photographs at www.HawaiiFoodTours.com/blog
Perigueaux beef – excellent!
Taste the stories behind my photographs at www.HawaiiFoodTours.com/blog
98 Euro for this, senor, enjoy!
Taste the stories behind my photographs at www.HawaiiFoodTours.com/blog
“The Tangerine”
Taste the stories behind my photographs at www.HawaiiFoodTours.com/blog
Cheesecake Cornets
Taste the stories behind my photographs at www.HawaiiFoodTours.com/blog
☼ Oh!
Taste the stories behind my photographs at www.HawaiiFoodTours.com/blog
Cheesecake Cornet
Taste the stories behind my photographs at www.HawaiiFoodTours.com/blog
Catalan cream bread w/ blood orange couscous
Taste the stories behind my photographs at www.HawaiiFoodTours.com/blog
Chocolate Peppers, oil and salt

Taste the stories behind my photographs at www.HawaiiFoodTours.com/blog

Taste the stories behind my photographs at www.HawaiiFoodTours.com/blog
View from the outside deck apres-dinner.

Matthew Gray Writes: Tunes for the Taste Buds: Famous Musical Acts from the Past Who Wrote Songs About Food

Music and food are two universal pleasures that have been celebrated throughout history. So, what happens when you combine them? You get a delicious medley of songs about food! From rock ‘n’ roll classics to soulful ballads, many famous musical acts from the past have crafted songs that pay homage to the culinary delights that tantalize our taste buds. In this blog, we’ll take a deep dive into some of these mouthwatering musical creations.

1. The Beatles – “Birthday”

Starting off with the legendary Beatles, “Birthday” is a lively tune that’s become a staple at celebrations around the world. While not exclusively about food, it’s hard to imagine a birthday without the mention of a cake. “Birthday” captures the joyful spirit of special occasions, complete with the promise of “a pretty nice surprise.”

2. Elvis Presley – “All Shook Up”

Elvis Presley, the King of Rock ‘n’ Roll, brings his signature style to “All Shook Up.” In this song, Elvis compares the feeling of being in love to the sensation of having a hearty meal or a sweet treat. The lyrics humorously convey the idea that love can leave you feeling like you’ve consumed a hunk of burning love.

3. The Rolling Stones – “Brown Sugar”

The Rolling Stones are known for their rebellious and provocative songs, and “Brown Sugar” is no exception. While the song’s lyrics contain some controversial elements, the title itself refers to a type of sweetener, adding a dash of culinary imagery to the mix.

4. The Archies – “Sugar, Sugar”

This bubblegum pop classic by The Archies is all about the sweetness of love. The catchy chorus, “Sugar, ah honey honey, you are my candy girl,” is irresistible and has made this song a timeless favorite.

5. Van Morrison – “Brown Eyed Girl”

Van Morrison’s “Brown Eyed Girl” is a beloved classic that tells the story of a young romance. While the song primarily focuses on memories associated with a brown-eyed girl, it includes references to love and intimate moments, creating a warm and nostalgic atmosphere.

6. The Kinks – “Lola”

The Kinks’ “Lola” tells the story of a memorable encounter with a mysterious woman. While food isn’t the central theme, the song famously mentions “cherry cola” in the lyrics, adding a playful twist to the narrative.

7. Weezer – “Pork and Beans”

Weezer’s “Pork and Beans” is an anthem of individuality and self-acceptance. While it’s not solely about food, the title and lyrics include references to “pork and beans,” adding a touch of culinary imagery to the song’s message of staying true to oneself.

8. Simon & Garfunkel – “Scarborough Fair/Canticle”

This folk ballad is a beautiful blend of two songs, “Scarborough Fair” and “Canticle.” It incorporates various herbs and spices used in medieval times as symbols of love and reconciliation, including “parsley, sage, rosemary, and thyme.” The intertwining of food and love in this song creates a rich tapestry of emotions.

9. The Mamas and the Papas – “Creeque Alley”

The Mamas and the Papas’ “Creeque Alley” takes listeners on a journey through the world of folk-rock musicians in the ’60s. While it primarily tells a narrative about the music scene, it references iconic musicians, including “McGuinn and McGuire just a-gettin’ higher in L.A.,” with “higher” adding a subtle nod to culinary delights.

10. Led Zeppelin – “Custard Pie”

Led Zeppelin’s “Custard Pie” is a rock song known for its suggestive lyrics using a culinary metaphor. The song’s title and lyrics evoke a sense of indulgence and desire, making it a classic example of the band’s signature style.

11. Bow Wow Wow – “I Want Candy”

“I Want Candy” by Bow Wow Wow is a catchy new wave hit that expresses a desire for sweet treats. The song playfully compares the object of desire to candy, making it an irresistible anthem for anyone with a sweet tooth.

In conclusion, these famous musical acts from the past have incorporated food and culinary references into their songs, adding layers of meaning and emotion to their music. Whether it’s celebrating birthdays with cake, expressing love through sweet metaphors, or weaving culinary imagery into their lyrics, these songs offer a delightful blend of music and gastronomy. So, the next time you listen to one of these classic tunes, you’ll appreciate the savory and sweet notes they bring to the world of music.

Matthew Gray Writes: Best Practices for Content Creation: A Guide to Success

In today’s digital age, content creation has become a driving force for businesses and individuals alike. Whether you’re a marketer, a blogger, or a small business owner, creating high-quality content is essential for attracting and retaining your audience. To help you excel in the world of content creation, we’ve compiled a comprehensive guide filled with best practices, backed by statistics and illustrated with examples.

Why Content Creation Matters

Before we dive into the best practices, let’s take a moment to understand why content creation is crucial:

  1. Audience Engagement: High-quality content captures your audience’s attention and keeps them engaged. According to a study by Content Marketing Institute, content creation is the top priority for 73% of B2B marketers.
  2. SEO Benefits: Valuable content can improve your search engine rankings. Websites with blogs have 434% more indexed pages, as reported by TechClient.
  3. Brand Authority: Creating authoritative content establishes your brand as an industry expert. A survey by Nielsen Norman Group found that 88% of consumers trust online content from businesses with a strong brand presence.

    Now, let’s explore the best practices for effective content creation:

1. Understand Your Audience

The foundation of successful content creation is understanding your target audience. Conduct thorough research to identify their needs, interests, and pain points. Use analytics tools to gather data on demographics and behavior.

Statistic: According to a HubSpot survey, 54% of consumers want to see more video content from brands they support.

2. Set Clear Objectives

Define your content goals. Are you aiming to increase brand awareness, generate leads, or provide valuable information? Clear objectives help you create content with purpose.

Statistic: Content marketing generates three times as many leads as traditional outbound marketing, according to Content Marketing Institute.

3. Develop a Content Calendar

Consistency is key in content creation. Create a content calendar to plan and schedule your content. This ensures a steady stream of content and helps you stay organized.

Statistic: Marketers who document their content strategy are 538% more likely to report success, says the Content Marketing Institute.

4. Create Valuable and Unique Content

Quality always trumps quantity. Focus on creating content that adds value to your audience’s lives and stands out from the competition.

Statistic: According to Demand Gen Report, 95% of B2B buyers consider content as trustworthy when evaluating a company and its offerings.

5. Optimize for SEO

SEO optimization helps your content rank higher in search results. Use relevant keywords, optimize meta tags, and improve site speed for better visibility.

Statistic: Google receives over 5.6 billion searches per day, emphasizing the importance of SEO.

6. Incorporate Visuals

Visual content, such as images, infographics, and videos, enhances engagement. Posts with visuals receive 94% more views, as reported by MDG Advertising.

Statistic: 72% of consumers prefer video content to learn about products and services (HubSpot).

7. Promote Across Channels

Don’t limit your content to one platform. Share it across various channels, including social media, email, and your website, to reach a broader audience.

Statistic: 73% of marketers believe that their social media marketing efforts have been somewhat or very effective in increasing their business’ bottom line (Social Media Examiner).

8. Analyze and Optimize

Regularly analyze your content’s performance. Identify what’s working and what isn’t. Use this data to refine your content strategy.

Statistic: 65% of successful content marketers have a documented content marketing strategy, and they are more likely to rate their strategy as highly effective (Content Marketing Institute).

By following these best practices and staying updated with the latest trends, you can create content that not only engages your audience but also drives meaningful results for your business or personal brand. Remember, content creation is an ongoing process of learning and adaptation, so stay committed to continuous improvement.

Now, it’s time to start creating outstanding content and making your mark in the digital world!

Matthew Gray Writes: Cracking the Comedy Code of Conflict Resolution: A Humorous Handbook

Conflict resolution can often feel like tiptoeing through a minefield while wearing clown shoes – hilarious, right? Well, maybe not always, but we believe that a dash of humor can be the secret sauce to make those tense situations a bit more palatable. So, grab your negotiation notepad, put on your negotiation nose, and let’s embark on a comical journey into the world of conflict resolution!

The “Balancing Act” of Conflict Resolution

Negotiating a truce between two parties is like trying to balance a penguin on a tightrope – tricky but not impossible. You have to maintain equilibrium and ensure nobody ends up face-down in a bucket of fish.

Tip 1: Maintain Your Poker Face “Are you sure you can’t offer more vacation days?” “Well, I can’t, but how about we throw in a goldfish in the break room?”

“The Silent Treatment” Technique

Imagine you’re stuck in an endless loop of elevator music during a negotiation. Embrace the awkward silence. Your opponent might spill the beans just to escape the sonic torture.

Tip 2: Use the “Elevator Music” Method “I’m prepared to wait here all day if you don’t agree to a compromise.”

“Ninjas, Marshmallows, and Sock Puppets”

Conflict negotiation is an art, and sometimes, you have to pull out the weirdest tools from your toolkit. Picture this: You’re discussing project deadlines, and suddenly, you break out a sock puppet reenactment of your proposal. Unconventional? Yes. Effective? You’d be surprised!

Tip 3: Deploy the “Sock Puppet Strategy” “Let me illustrate the project timeline with the help of Mr. Socky. Here’s Mr. Deadline, and here’s Mr. Reality…”

“The “Misinterpretation” Gambit

Ever tried agreeing with your opponent but pretending you didn’t? It’s like a linguistic game of Twister. “Oh, you said ‘no,’ but I heard ‘go’! Off we go to compromise-ville!”

Tip 4: Play the “Misinterpretation Card” “I’m so glad you’re on board with my proposal to increase the budget by 20%!”

“The “Time Travel” Tactic

Remember that one time your opponent was actually right? Well, now’s the time to confess, even if it’s several months (or years) later. It’s a bit like saying, “Oops, I accidentally borrowed your time machine. My bad!”

Tip 5: Embrace “Time Travel” “You know, you were absolutely right about that budget allocation back in 2019. I just realized it, so let’s rewind and fix it!”

“The “Alien Invasion” Diversion

When all else fails, create a diversion! Declare that aliens are about to invade and watch as your colleagues forget their differences in favor of panicking together.

Tip 6: Employ the “Alien Invasion” Diversion “Hold that thought! We have incoming UFOs on the radar! Negotiations will resume after we find a bunker!”

In conclusion, conflict negotiation can be as tricky as a stand-up comedian performing in a library. But with a dash of humor and a sprinkle of creativity, you can diffuse tension, build bridges, and turn disputes into delightful opportunities for compromise. So, remember these “laugh-tastic” tips the next time you find yourself negotiating your way out of a tight spot. Conflict resolution – it’s a circus out there, and you’re the ringmaster!

Navigating the Hidden Perils: Unmasking Counterfeit and Adulterated Foods in the Marketplace

In today’s global marketplace, consumers are presented with an unprecedented array of choices when it comes to procuring food products. From exotic spices to gourmet oils, an enticing world of flavors beckons our taste buds. Yet, beneath the surface of this abundance lies a dark underbelly of the food industry – counterfeit and adulterated foods. Olive oil, honey, seafood, and various other products have all succumbed to the pervasive menace of fraudulent practices, endangering both the health and trust of consumers. In this blog post, we delve into the alarming prevalence of counterfeit and adulterated foods, the imminent risks they pose, and the strategies to safeguard yourself from these culinary malefactors.

The Predicament of Authentic Olive Oil

Olive oil, a cornerstone of Mediterranean cuisine, is cherished by chefs and home cooks worldwide. Regrettably, it has become a prime target for counterfeiters and unscrupulous operators. Genuine olive oil derives from the pressing of olives, but some rogue producers dilute their product with cheaper oils like soybean or sunflower oil. These imposters not only lack the distinctive flavor and nutritional benefits of pure olive oil but also harbor allergenic threats due to the adulterants.

To secure your culinary experience, it is paramount to choose reputable brands, scrutinize quality certifications such as the International Olive Council (IOC), and exercise vigilance regarding overly attractive price points. Authentic olive oil, owing to its labor-intensive production process, tends to be pricier.

The Deceptive Sweetness of Adulterated Honey

Honey, nature’s saccharine treasure, is cherished for its unique flavor and an array of health benefits. Yet, the honey industry grapples with a crisis rooted in adulteration, with some products contaminated by corn syrup or other sugar-based substitutes. Adulterated honey not only forfeits the distinctive taste and healthful qualities of pure honey but can also introduce harmful additives through the production process.

To ensure the authenticity of the honey you procure, consider favoring local honey sources from trusted beekeepers or reliable brands with transparent information about their sourcing and production methods. Genuine honey may also undergo crystallization over time, a natural transformation that affirms its unaltered state.

Navigating the Murky Waters of Seafood Fraud

The seafood industry finds itself ensnared in the web of counterfeit and adulteration, a threat that compromises both consumer health and environmental sustainability. Seafood fraud involves the mislabeling, substitution, and misrepresentation of fish species, carrying severe consequences. Consuming a different fish species than the one expected may expose consumers to allergens, while mislabeled “sustainable” seafood contributes to overfishing and habitat degradation.

To steer clear of seafood fraud, seek out reputable sources with transparent supply chains, inquire about the origin and fishing or farming practices used, and exercise caution when encountering products with vague or generic labeling.

Safeguarding Against Counterfeit and Adulterated Foods

To protect your palate and health from the clutches of counterfeit and adulterated foods, consider the following strategies:

  1. Brand Exploration: Opt for reputable brands and hunt for certifications and quality standards pertinent to your chosen food product.
  2. Label Scrutiny: Examine product labels for detailed ingredient lists, sourcing information, and recognized certifications.
  3. Support Local: Extend your support to local producers, farmers’ markets, and small-scale artisans, who tend to be deeply invested in the authenticity of their offerings.
  4. Continuous Awareness: Stay abreast of common food fraud practices and keep an eye on current consumer advisories specific to your region.
  5. Sensory Trust: Rely on your palate and olfactory senses to detect peculiar flavors or odors that may signal adulteration.
  6. Report Suspicion: In case of suspect encounters with counterfeit or adulterated food, promptly report the incident to the relevant authorities or consumer protection agencies.

In Conclusion

Counterfeit and adulterated foods have infiltrated the marketplace, endangering both consumer health and trust. Through diligence, preference for reputable brands, and scrutiny of product labeling and sourcing, you can shield yourself from these culinary wrongdoers. This is not just about savoring delectable food; it is about ensuring that the sustenance you place on your plate is authentic, safe, and a true reflection of its origins.

Matthew Gray Writes: SOS: Why the Seafood Industry Needs USDA-Style Oversight

The seafood industry is a vast and intricate web that spans the globe, providing a significant portion of the world’s protein supply. However, unlike the meat and poultry industry, which is closely regulated by the United States Department of Agriculture (USDA), the seafood industry often operates with far less oversight. In this blog post, we’ll explore the reasons why the seafood industry lacks a USDA-style oversight system and why it’s high time for a change.

1. A Complex, Global Industry

One of the primary reasons for the lack of oversight in the seafood industry is its complexity. Seafood is sourced from all over the world, making it difficult to track and regulate effectively. Unlike the relatively centralized nature of meat and poultry processing, seafood processing occurs in diverse locations, including offshore fishing vessels, coastal processing plants, and international factories. The global nature of the industry poses a unique challenge for oversight.

2. Limited Resources and Funding

Compared to the USDA, which has a significant budget and resources at its disposal, agencies responsible for seafood oversight, such as the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) and the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA), often struggle with limited funding and manpower. This limitation makes it challenging to conduct thorough inspections and enforce regulations effectively.

3. Fragmented Responsibility

The seafood industry’s oversight is fragmented among multiple agencies, including the FDA, NOAA, and the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA). Each agency has different responsibilities related to seafood safety, quality, and sustainability, leading to a lack of cohesive regulation and oversight. This fragmentation can result in gaps and inconsistencies in enforcement.

4. Seafood Fraud and Mislabeling

Seafood fraud, including mislabeling and counterfeit products, is a rampant issue within the industry. According to Oceana, a conservation organization, up to one in three seafood products in the United States may be mislabeled. This fraudulent activity not only deceives consumers but also poses health risks and undermines the industry’s credibility.

5. Environmental Concerns

In addition to safety and quality issues, the seafood industry also faces environmental challenges, such as overfishing, bycatch, and habitat destruction. These issues often fall under the purview of multiple agencies, making it difficult to implement comprehensive sustainability measures.

6. Lack of Public Awareness

Compared to meat and poultry, seafood safety and quality concerns often receive less public attention. This lower awareness can result in less pressure on policymakers to enact robust oversight measures.

7. Resistance from Industry Players

Some segments of the seafood industry may resist additional regulations and oversight due to concerns about increased costs and potential disruptions to their operations. This resistance can further hinder efforts to strengthen oversight.

8. The Need for Change

While the seafood industry faces significant challenges, there is a growing recognition of the need for change. Increased transparency, traceability, and cooperation among agencies and industry stakeholders are essential steps toward better oversight. Initiatives such as the Seafood Import Monitoring Program (SIMP) have been implemented to address some of these concerns, but more comprehensive reforms are necessary.

In conclusion, the seafood industry’s lack of USDA-style oversight is a multifaceted issue rooted in the complexity of the industry, limited resources, and fragmentation of responsibility. However, the growing concerns about seafood safety, fraud, and environmental sustainability make it increasingly apparent that a more unified and robust oversight system is needed to ensure the industry’s long-term viability and the protection of consumers and the environment. As consumers, advocates, and policymakers become more aware of these challenges, there is hope for positive change in the seafood industry’s regulatory landscape.

Matthew Gray Writes: A Connoisseur’s Guide: What Wines to Order When You’re Unsure at a Restaurant

Dining out at a restaurant is a delightful experience, but when it comes to choosing the right wine, the extensive wine list can sometimes leave you feeling a bit overwhelmed. Whether you’re a seasoned wine enthusiast or a casual wine lover, selecting the perfect wine can be a daunting task. But fear not, because we’ve crafted a guide to help you confidently choose wines when you’re unsure at a restaurant.

1. Consider Your Meal Choice

The first and most crucial factor to consider is your food. The wine you select should complement the flavors of your meal. Here are some classic pairings to keep in mind:

White Wine:

    • Chardonnay: Pairs wonderfully with creamy dishes like Alfredo pasta or chicken in a rich sauce.
    • Sauvignon Blanc: Ideal with light fare like salads, seafood, or dishes with citrusy flavors.

Red Wine:

    • Cabernet Sauvignon: Perfect for hearty dishes like steaks, burgers, and other red meats.
    • Pinot Noir: A versatile choice that goes well with poultry, pork, and mushroom-based dishes.

Rosé Wine:

    • Rosé: Excellent with Mediterranean cuisine, salads, and light pasta dishes.

2. Consider Your Personal Taste

Your preferences matter. If you have a favorite type of wine, don’t be afraid to order it. However, if you’re looking to explore something new, consider the following options:

Ask for a Recommendation: Trust your server or sommelier; they are knowledgeable about the wine list and can recommend something suitable based on your taste preferences.

Opt for a Wine Flight: Some restaurants offer wine flights, which allow you to taste several smaller portions of different wines. This is an excellent way to explore and discover new favorites.

3. Consider the Occasion

The occasion can influence your wine choice. If you’re celebrating a special event, you might want to splurge on a fine wine. On the other hand, if you’re having a casual dinner with friends, a reasonably priced bottle or even wine by the glass may be more appropriate.

4. Be Mindful of the Budget

Speaking of prices, it’s essential to have a budget in mind when selecting a wine. Restaurants typically offer a range of options, so you can find something suitable for your budget without sacrificing quality.

5. Ask Questions

Don’t hesitate to ask questions if you’re unsure. Here are a few questions you can ask your server or sommelier:

  • “What wines would you recommend with [your meal choice]?”
  • “Can you tell me more about this particular wine?”
  • “Do you have any local or house specialties?”

6. Go for the Sommelier’s Selection

If the restaurant has a sommelier, take advantage of their expertise. They can guide you through the wine list and suggest hidden gems that may not be as well-known but are exceptional.

7. Experiment and Learn

Don’t be afraid to experiment and try something new. Wine is a vast world, and exploring different varietals and regions can be a delightful journey. Keep a record of the wines you’ve tried and enjoyed for future reference.

In conclusion, ordering wine at a restaurant should be a pleasurable experience, not a source of stress. By considering your meal, personal taste, occasion, budget, and asking for advice when needed, you can confidently select the perfect wine to complement your dining experience. So, the next time you find yourself perusing a restaurant’s wine list, remember these tips and savor the delicious synergy between food and wine. Cheers!

Matthew Gray Writes: The Science Behind the Downsides of Excessive Carb Consumption

Carbohydrates have long been a dietary staple for many people, serving as a primary source of energy and a key component of various foods. However, recent scientific research has shed light on the potential downsides of excessive carb consumption. In this blog post, we’ll delve into the latest evidence-based findings that suggest a need for caution when it comes to our carb intake.

The Role of Carbs in Our Diet

Carbohydrates are macronutrients found in various forms, such as sugars, starches, and fiber. They are essential for providing energy to our bodies and are commonly found in foods like grains, fruits, vegetables, and legumes. Carbs play a vital role in our daily lives, but like any nutrient, they should be consumed in moderation.

The Downsides of Excessive Carb Consumption
  1. Weight Gain and Obesity: One of the most significant downsides of consuming excessive carbohydrates is the potential for weight gain and obesity. High-carb diets, especially those rich in refined carbohydrates like sugary snacks and white bread, have been linked to an increased risk of weight gain and obesity. This is primarily due to the rapid spikes and crashes in blood sugar levels that result from consuming refined carbs, leading to increased hunger and overeating.
  2. Insulin Resistance and Type 2 Diabetes: Excessive carb intake, especially in the form of sugary and highly processed foods, can contribute to insulin resistance. This condition makes it difficult for cells to respond to insulin, a hormone responsible for regulating blood sugar levels. Over time, insulin resistance can lead to the development of type 2 diabetes.
  3. Cardiovascular Health: High-carb diets, particularly those low in fiber and rich in refined sugars, can have adverse effects on cardiovascular health. They may lead to increased levels of triglycerides, a type of fat in the blood, and lower levels of HDL (good) cholesterol. These factors are associated with a higher risk of heart disease.
  4. Digestive Health: Diets high in refined carbohydrates can lead to digestive issues. The lack of fiber in many carb-rich foods can contribute to constipation, while excessive consumption of certain sugars can cause gastrointestinal discomfort and bloating.
  5. Energy Fluctuations: Relying heavily on carbs for energy can result in energy fluctuations throughout the day. After consuming high-carb meals, people often experience an initial burst of energy followed by a crash, which can negatively impact productivity and mood.
  6. Mental Health: Emerging research also suggests a potential link between high-carb diets and mental health issues, such as depression and anxiety. While more studies are needed to establish a definitive connection, it’s worth considering the potential impact of diet on mental well-being.
The Importance of Balanced Nutrition

It’s important to note that not all carbohydrates are created equal. Whole grains, fruits, and vegetables MAY provide essential nutrients, fiber, and energy without the negative effects associated with excessive refined carb consumption (although this is being hotly debated at the time of writing, September 2023). A balanced diet that includes a variety of foods MAY help mitigate the downsides of carb consumption, perhaps providing the necessary nutrients for overall health.

Conclusion

The latest scientific evidence highlights the potential downsides of consuming excessive carbohydrates, especially those from refined sources. While carbs are a crucial part of our diet, moderation and mindful food choices are key. A balanced diet that includes a variety of nutrient-rich foods can help us reap the benefits of carbs while minimizing the associated risks to our health. As always, it’s advisable to consult with a healthcare professional or registered dietitian for personalized dietary guidance.

Matthew Gray Writes: It’s Payback Time: Justice is on the Way!

Justice is a cornerstone of any civilized society, a fundamental principle that ensures fairness, equity, and accountability. The concept of justice extends beyond its legal implications; it is a moral and ethical imperative that helps maintain social harmony and protect the rights of individuals. In the realm of criminal justice, the idea that criminals must face consequences for their actions is essential for maintaining the rule of law and upholding the rights of victims and society as a whole.

The Importance of Justice

Justice serves as a powerful deterrent against criminal behavior and fosters a sense of trust in the legal system. When individuals believe that those who commit crimes will be held accountable, it discourages potential wrongdoers from engaging in illegal activities. This deterrent effect helps prevent crime and contributes to the overall safety and well-being of communities.

Additionally, justice ensures that victims receive acknowledgment and validation for the harm they have suffered. By holding criminals accountable, society sends a message that it values the rights and dignity of victims. This acknowledgment is a crucial step in the healing process for those who have been affected by crime.

Restoring the Balance

Punishment for criminals is not just about revenge; it’s about restoring the balance that has been disrupted by criminal actions. Society operates on a social contract where individuals agree to follow certain rules and norms for the greater good. When someone violates this contract by committing a crime, they disrupt the balance and harmony of the community. Justice aims to restore that balance by imposing consequences that match the severity of the crime, thereby reaffirming the social contract and maintaining order.

Rehabilitation and Reform

While justice includes punitive measures, it also offers opportunities for rehabilitation and reform. The criminal justice system should not merely focus on punishing offenders; it should also work to address the underlying causes of criminal behavior. By offering rehabilitation programs, education, and support, society can help criminals reintegrate into the community as law-abiding citizens.

Paying Back to Society

One of the key reasons why criminals need to face consequences is to pay back to society for the harm they’ve caused. This payment is not just in terms of monetary compensation but also in terms of acknowledging the damage done to individuals, families, and the community. By serving their sentences, criminals acknowledge their responsibility and contribute to the process of healing and restoration.

Deterring Future Crimes

A just system sends a strong message that criminal behavior will not be tolerated, which can discourage others from committing similar acts. The fear of facing consequences becomes a powerful motivator for individuals to choose lawful and ethical paths. This deterrent effect has a positive impact on the overall safety and well-being of society.

Conclusion

Justice is a fundamental pillar of a civilized society, ensuring fairness, equity, and accountability. The notion that criminals must face consequences for their actions is crucial for maintaining the rule of law, safeguarding the rights of victims, and promoting social harmony. Through justice, we aim to deter criminal behavior, restore the balance disrupted by crime, and offer opportunities for rehabilitation and reform. Ultimately, holding criminals accountable is not just about punishment; it’s about upholding the values of justice and paying back to society for the harm caused.

The Health Benefits of a Traditional Hawaiian Diet

The Health Benefits of a Traditional Hawaiian Diet

 

The Health Benefits of a Traditional Hawaiian Diet
The Health Benefits of a Traditional Hawaiian Diet

Nearly a quarter of Hawai’i’s population is multiracial. This is reflected in modern Hawai’ian cuisine, which has become a melting pot of various cultures that bring together mainland American, Chinese, Filipino, Japanese, and Korean flavors and dishes to the small island state. Whether you’re a tourist or a local, you’ve probably already encountered plenty of guides to local cuisine that explain all the multiculturally-influenced dishes that Hawai’i has to offer. There’s the savory loco moco, a hamburger patty on a bed of rice topped off with an over-easy fried egg. A “plate lunch” can be found on the menu of almost any casual restaurant on the island, typically featuring rice, macaroni salad, and a meat of your choice. And who could forget about the Japanese-inspired Spam musubi or Filipino-inspired shave ice?

You’d be hard-pressed to find a Hawai’ian dish that isn’t delicious, but for the health-conscious, it may be a challenge to find modern fare that hits your nutrition targets. Some meals could be packed with sodium or processed sugar, making it challenging to consume a balanced diet. In fact, one-third of hospitalized Hawai’i youth are obese. Lifestyle and socioeconomic factors already place native Hawai’ians at higher risk for type 2 diabetes and cardiovascular disease. Still, it has also been found that Polynesian genetic ancestry is linked with a higher chance of obesity. This makes it all the more important to find healthier alternatives.

Overweight versus obesity

Diet plays a massive role in health outcomes, including weight. We often hear the terms “overweight” and “obese” used interchangeably to reference weight. If you’re embarking on a health journey, it’s important to note that there is a difference between overweight vs obesity. These terms sit next to each other on the Body Mass Index (BMI), with the former defined as a BMI of 25-29.9 and the latter defined as a BMI of 30 and above. Some health risks are already associated with being overweight, which can become exacerbated with increased weight gain and eventual obesity. That said, more and more health experts are veering away from BMI as a holistic depiction of health because it does not consider muscle mass and other factors that can influence weight-to-height proportions. But it’s a good rule of thumb to stay within a normal health range, and you can achieve this by making a few tweaks to your lifestyle.

Traditional, healthier fare

To lose weight, you don’t have to give up Hawai’ian cuisine. It’s just a matter of looking back at traditional Hawaiian food, which is more plant-based. Fresh poi, made from the underground plant stem of the taro plant, is packed with vitamins, digestive enzymes, and carbohydrates. It’s so healthy that it’s even given to infants as a milk substitute. You can also take a cue from Hawai’i’s pre-Westernized diet, which featured a lot of fruits, like sweet potato, yams, and bananas. Ancient Hawai’ians consumed fish, squid, and chicken instead of red meat. Some might associate a protein-lacking diet with reduced strength, but a study found that when Native Hawai’ian lua members returned to the traditional diet pattern of their warrior ancestors, they enjoyed increased muscle strength, stamina, and flexibility. There’s no need to say goodbye to modern Hawai’ian fare either — you can throw together a delicious poke bowl with some white rice, raw fish, shoyu, green onions, and spices.

Making realistic changes

Aside from your eating habits, integrating exercises can be as simple as taking a 15-minute walk daily and making workouts more challenging over time. Getting sufficient sleep is also essential for staying fit and healthy. Of course, the best person to speak with about lifestyle changes for weight management would be your doctor or nutritionist. The key to a healthy but sustainable diet is making sensible changes without depriving yourself of your favorite dishes or compromising on taste. Luckily, traditional Hawaiian cuisine is packed with both nutrients and delicious flavors. For lovers of Hawai’ian food, better health might be achieved by returning to the island’s humble, plant-based roots.

Matthew Gray Writes: Hacking Cottage Cheese

This brief post will outline, for the most tech-savvy of you, how I hack cottage cheese from time to time. Pay close attention…

When I’m here at home, running Hawaii Food Tours, and not out gallivanting around the globe, I need to fulfill my breakfast addiction.

The first part of that addiction consists of steel-cut oats, which I toast-up crunchy-crisp, using milk, butter, palm sugar, and a whisper of salt. I’ll saute it for a few minutes, then pop into the oven for a couple hours @ about 200 degrees. Afterwards I mix-in organic raisins. It’s so good; trust me.

The Cottage Cheese Hacking comes in because where I live and shop, my usual low-fat cottage cheese is often sold-out. So instead of whining about it, I thought long and hard how to get what I needed, using my wily `ole brain matter.

So, I chose a full-fat container, and a non-fat container, figuring a blend of the two would result in successful hack. And it has!

What I failed to mention, and is a great addition, is that a sliced ripe banana is also part of that daily breakfast when I’m in-town, and now, well, I’ve solved one of Life’s big puzzles, and wish to make myself available to you, my friends, to troubleshoot your problems, be they breakfast, social, or otherwise.

So, count on me. I have 10 fingers and 10 toes, so my math skills are pretty solid. And, I carry a nice silk handkerchief, just in case you’re feeling sad at any moment, I will dry your tears. I’m here; I can handle it.

Pass it on…

(Your friend Matthew) *Aloha from Hawaii Food Tours!

Hawaii Food Tours shows you how to hack cottage cheese!
Hawaii Food Tours shows you how to hack cottage cheese!

♥ 5 Reasons to Listen to 50 Tastes Of Gray

Aloha​ Friends…

Thanks for your support in the post-Covid world related to my efforts in making y(our) world a more delicious place. I’ve started my own show called 50 Tastes Of Gray and it pretty much is me in a different format. If you are interested in having a look/listen we’re at https://YouTube.com/@50TastesOfGray

5 Reasons to Listen to 50 Tastes Of Gray

1) You’ll get to hear about 50 different tastes of gray, and if you’ve ever wondered what the difference is between slate, ash, and charcoal, this podcast will definitely satisfy your curiosity!

2) You’ll learn about the surprisingly diverse world of gray foods, from bland oatmeal to the subtly nuanced flavors of mushrooms, and maybe even get some recipe ideas.

3) You’ll get to hear some hilarious debates about whether gray is a color or a shade, and whether it’s more depressing or calming.

4) You’ll get to listen to me, your buddy, protector/confidante and charmingly witty host, stumble through some truly terrible gray-themed jokes and puns, guaranteed to make you groan and laugh at the same time.

5) I give away lots of cash.

@50tastesofgray

50 Tastes of Gray is a delectable feast for the ears that tantalizes listeners with a smorgasbord of culinary delights. Hosted by the charming and witty Matthew Gray, this podcast is a whimsical and thoughtful exploration of the world of food, where every episode is a mouth-watering adventure that leaves you hungry for more. With each episode, Gray takes you on a culinary journey that celebrates the artistry and creativity of cooking, while also exploring the cultural and social significance of food. From decadent desserts to savory dishes, each flavor is carefully crafted and beautifully presented, like a work of art on a plate. So come, pull up a chair and savor the flavors of 50 Tastes of Gray, where every bite is a new adventure and every episode is a feast for the senses.

Matthew Gray Writes: First Day Back in Barcelona!

☼ Ah, Barcelona again!  The first place I always go is my favorite restaurant (well, at least my most sentimentally-loved place), often before checking into my hotel or AirBNB.

One of the great cities.  I have a better time each time I visit.  Posts coming with details of Sagrada Familia, Park Guell, Las Ramblas, Disfrutar Restaurant (a hot “molecular” fancy-funk-fusion place), Devour Barcelona Food Tours, and much more.

But, for now… a small handful of pictures… IMG_20150420_124548

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Tapas-at-CC-inBCN

Matthew Gray Writes: ☼ CHUNKY JESUS ☼

I have a good friend in Honolulu. Let’s call him Steve.

Steve’s a great guy; met him in the mid-90’s when I was writing restaurant reviews for The Honolulu Advertiser (the biggest paper in the state of Hawaii at that time; now long gone as many papers are in the Internet age).

Anyway, I walked into a sushi place intent on sampling the sushi at this place, with my longer-range expectation to squeeze-out 1000 words for my review. Most people think, “Oh, how cool, I’d love to write restaurant reviews; just eat and write.” Yeah, well, nice sentiment, but NOT.

Ask any Critic worth his or her (sea) salt, critiquing/reviewing is often plagued with a deeply-set fear of “How on earth will I ever get a thousand words out of this experience?”

Anyway, there he was, my soon-to-be longtime friend Steve, standing-up at the take-away counter, ramming (should I be more delicate and say “enjoying”?) spicy tuna rolls down his throat. Our eyes met for an instant, and I knew this guy was a foodie through-and-through.

Ok, so, after my date and I left the place, there he was, Steve, outside, enjoying the afterglow of his stand-up sushi experience. I swear, had he been a cat, he might have been licking/grooming himself (*to get all that wasabi and shoyu smell off!*).

We ended up chatting for at least another hour or so about this and that, and then that and this. Bouncy and lively stuff like, “Have you tasted the truffled crab ramen at D.K.’s?” or “How `bout that garlic mochiko chicken at Sugoi… it’s mind-blowing.”

Steve is a tall New York Jew (my peeps!), and registers a bit on the higher-end of the decibel level (you all know what I mean), possessing a slight speech impediment.

I want to be as “P.C.” as I can, but let’s just say there are times he sounds a bit like a cartoon character. I giggle when he chats. It’s really all good. You’d smile too if you heard him speak.

We exchanged business cards, and the time came to say goodbye. I wanted to get back home and write my review. He had stuff to do as well, stating that he had to go to “Chunky Jesus.”

“Chunky Jesus, really, is this where he was going,” I queried my pre-Google brain. Never heard of it. Wonder what the heck it is…

It wasn’t until years later that I learned that `Chunky Jesus’ was what “Chuck E. Cheese sounded like when Steve pronounced that – the place where he was going to pick his kids up.

Matthew Gray Writes: EXCELLENT DUMPLINGS☼

Dumplings

Little chewy bundles of treasure.  A lifetime of memories, wrapped, crimped, shaped, fried, steamed, and boiled, whatever your method it’s gonna be good.

I’m reminded of my grandmother’s kreplach when I was ten years old.  Nothing better, anywhere.  Or the “dumplings” I had recently; baked crispy-crunchy pâte brisée with apple puree and Stilton cheese.

No matter what, we’ve all got a warm & fuzzy “feel-good” connection to one type or more of excellent dumplings.  It’s the less-than-excellent dumplings ya gotta watch-out for.

Which brings me to today.  Woke up before 7am; easy to do when you’ve just flown eastbound, crossing 6 time zones.  With my trusty (and never-used, by the way) Epi-Pen in tow, we made our way down the bleary-eyed elevator ride to the ground floor to dig-in and get the day started.

I tried a bit of everything, starting gently with some steaming-hot strong coffee, cottage cheese At_Breakfast-Epi_Pen (who really eats cottage cheese on vacation?  I mean, really!  Me, I guess), eggs, way too many sausages, juices, anything I wished.  Like a kid in a candy store.  Ok, like a kid at a breakfast buffet.  I digress.

Today would be a multiple-mile walkabout throughout the Little Italy and Chinatown districts for a food-forward Friday, gearing-up for the big deal food market in Williamsburg Brooklyn the following day with our dear friend Elissa.  More on that in next post… oh dear, there’ll be some SPOILERS there!

Edited-CanolliFirst off, the cannoli, perhaps even more than gelato, the penultimate Italian sweet treat, right?  The best ones, hands-down, in New York City, are at La Bella Ferrara (not at the famous “Ferrara’s” – be sure you get the ones at the one down the street – with the “La Bella” in front of it.

Who can turn down a whipped, creamy, sweet and cheesy filling, piped inside a crunchy cookie tube, with a few mini chocolate chips hiding inside, and dusted with pistachio nuts and powdered sugar?  Oh, the Italian (American?) cone of love!IMG_4199

A little while later I see a group, looking strangely-familiar to me.  I said to Lin, “Looks like a food tour!”  And it was.  Run by a nice guy named Bruce (http://walkingtoursmanhattan.com).

I asked Lin to walk up to Bruce and brag (I mean, “inform”) Bruce who we represent, and he said, “C’mon, follow our group, it’ll be fun.”  So, in a way, we crashed another guy’s food tour.  So, let’s see how they do it here in New York’s Chinatown, shall we?

Bruce introduced us to his guests as “the Hawaii Food Tours people” and that was that.  We tagged along like a couple with a wicked case of the munchies.  We made our way to “Fried Dumpling” on Mosco Street, complete with a funny story about the lady who runs the shop.

Bruce interjects, That was all I needed to hear.  Wound up eating about 10 of these all to myself.  *Burping in Chinese* {That’s a compliment, right?}

Anyway, I was fortunate enough to shoot a few moments of video inside the shop for you to look at below…

Dumplings-in-NYC

Big, *Explosive* Day Tomorrow… stand by…

Matthew Gray Writes: A 4-Day Stopover in New York City

All aboard!

Beginning in Honolulu, a 4-day stopover in New York City seemed the perfect place to prepare for our 5-week European adventure about to come. Traveling lighter than ever before, barely more than a carry-on and laptop (yes, for 5 weeks!) we were on our way. New York satisfies on so many levels, and we’d take full advantage of our 3 or 4 days there before crossing the Atlantic. New York would be about food, glorious food, enduring the masses of humanity, electrifying our souls, and visit Broadway.

But my heart was still heavy from what apparently turned into another friendship-failure the previous Labor Day, when we magically-appeared on the front porch of our (then) dear friends Frank and his wife, Renate, on the eve of their annual Labor Day party.

“Surprise!” we yelled as they opened the door. “Oh shit” is what was volleyed back in our direction. Figuring this was simply a mixture of elation and surprise, we navigated our way into their home and freaked-out for a little while.

It’s not every day you fly from Honolulu to Long Island to surprise a friend. We thought it was the single kookiest thing we did all year. For them, we can’t even guess what was going through their minds.

We intended to help them organize for the following day’s Labor Day fest, then head into the city for a couple weeks, seeing them as often as possible. After all, this was truly an unplanned moment in all our lives. No expectations, no obligations… just fun and love.

Everything seemed fine and happy, for the most part, but something (something BIG) changed, because that beautiful, deep, loving bond called friendship seemed to have disappeared (for them, not us). So, after pleading with them, singularly and via group-think, to find out WTF went wrong, basically nothing was offered up. Nothing, nada. It was almost a freeze-out. (I’ve been told since that surprises are for YOU, not others. — But could that really be the issue? I may never know).

After several years, great times, and some deep dark times, all of a sudden, wow, they didn’t wish to be our friends any longer. I hurt, really hurt, for months, over this. Still stings to think about it. Not knowing is worse than hearing the truth. So, they’re gone for the time-being, from being a constant-connection, to now, the source of a blinding freeze-out. Ouch. How I miss my friends.

Ok, so here we are, still in the Big Apple, readying ourselves for yet another “once-in-a-lifetime” adventure (of which there will be many). From the Newark airport, we hop aboard the train into Penn Station, grabbed a couple MTA Transit cards, and Uber over to the Hyatt Place Mid-Town, a great little place if Mid-Town works for you. Great staff, free breakfast… `nuff said.

Except this; last time we were in New York (the aforementioned Labor Day Friendship Massacre) I got hives every day of our stay at the Hyatt.  Yes, me, the C.F.G. (the Chief Food Guy) has some sort of food allergy (perhaps a shred of shame here), unable to pin it down for years on end. But every day, getting the hives, had to be something I’d eaten at breakfast, right? And, BTW, the free breakfast at the Hyatt is a buffet, so fuhgetaboutit, there’s no way I can identify the culprit, since I eat like a starving banshee when offered an unlimited horn-of-plenty.

Just ram it into my thigh.
Just ram it into my thigh.

I carry an Epi-Pen (once again, a shred of shame included) because that’s definitely not the way I want to go out, or to be remembered. Getting hives, itchiness and feeling feverish is just the first step toward a full-blown something-to-be-worried-about reaction. Thank God it’s never really gotten much worse than that, except that one time.

 

Anyway, the point is, if you ever see me go down, grab my Epi-Pen and ram it, hard as you can, into my thigh, and call 911. We’ll laugh over it at dinner later that night, God willing.

But here we are and we’re not about to waste one single moment dilly-dallying about, Malecon_Coffeeso we make our way to grab a Malecon coffee touted by Genie Joseph as one of the best), said to attract all the city workers in-the-know about the best and cheapest coffee in town. It was indeed very good, and very inexpensive. A good pick-me-up indeed.

Time now for a quick nosh, so off to the Halal Guys, one of our favorite places we’d been dreaming about.

Rotisseried chicken and lamb, tahini, tomatoes, salad, hot sauce... oh!
The best…oh!

They used to have several stands around town, serving the best chicken and lamb pita plates in this or any other hemisphere. Now they’ve moved up a bit, adding a few brick-and-mortar locations to their portfolio. Tender, juicy, rotisserie-style meats, with onions, tahini, tomatoes, salad, a drizzle of hot sauce…oh!  And for like next-to-nothing, the absolute best deal in town. Score!

 

So, okay, belly’s full… later that first night we had tickets for a Broadway show, “A Gentleman’s Guide to Love and Murder” (which won best musical in 2014) that the audience enjoyed, as did Lin (my gal), and Joanne, our friend, who lives on the Upper West Side, a true lover of the Arts.

The_Stage

My thoughts? I slept. Like a baby. Two-hundred bucks a seat, and I slept through the freaking show. At least I wasn’t one of those snoring guys we’ve all encountered. With full disclosure, though, I had been warned by more than a few friends that attempting to see a Broadway show the same night after arrival in NYC might not be in my best interests, especially since I do love my Ambien and Xanax cocktails (which help me with any pre-flight jitters).

Agenda for the next morning is to awaken early, enjoy breakfast, or should I say, “survive” breakfast, then do the Little Italy and Chinatown thing. It’ll be great good fun!

Matthew Gray Writes: That’s Spicy!

Recently I was asked to be the third judge at a chili cook-off because no one else wanted to do it.

The original third judge called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge’s table asking directions to the beer wagon when the call came. I was assured by the other two judges that the chili wouldn’t be all that spicy, and besides they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted this as being one of those burdens you endure when you’re a big city food lover, food writer and chef, and therefore known and adored by all. Here are the scorecards from the event:

Chili # 1:Kimo’s Maniac Mobster Monster Chili

JUDGE ONE: A little too heavy on tomato. Amusing kick.
JUDGE TWO: Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.
ME: Holy smokes, what is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway with it. Took me two beers to put the flames out. Hope that’s the worst one. These people are crazy.

Chili # 2: Alioto’s Afterburner Chili

JUDGE ONE: Smoky (barbecue?) with a hint of pork. Slight Jalapeno tang.
JUDGE TWO: Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.
ME: Keep this out of reach of children! I’m not sure what I am supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. Shoved my way to the front of the beer line. The barmaid looks like a professional wrestler after a bad night. She was so irritated over my gagging sounds that the snake tattoo under her eye started to twitch. She has arms like Popeye and a face like Winston Churchill. I will NOT pick a fight with her.

Chili # 3: Fred’s Famous Burn Down the Barn Chili

JUDGE ONE: Excellent firehouse chili! Great kick. Needs more beans.
JUDGE TWO: A beanless chili, a bit salty, good use of red peppers.
ME: This has got to be a joke. Call the EPA, I’ve located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been sneezing Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now and got out of my way so I could make it to the beer wagon. Barmaid pounded me on the back; now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. She said her friends call her “Sally.” Probably behind her back they call her “Truck.”

Chili # 4: Bubba’s Black Magic

JUDGE ONE: Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.
JUDGE TWO: A hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili.
ME: I felt something scraping across my tongue but was unable to taste it. Sally was standing behind me with fresh refills so I wouldn’t have to dash over to see her. When she winked at me her snake sort of coiled and uncoiled–it’s kinda cute.

Chili # 5: Linda’s Legal Lip Remover

JUDGE ONE: Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground adding considerable kick. Very impressive.
JUDGE TWO: Chili using shredded beef; could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.
ME: My ears are ringing and I can no longer focus my eyes. I belched and four people in front of me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed hurt when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue by pouring beer directly on it from a pitcher. Sort of irritates me that one of the other judges asked me to stop screaming.

Chili # 6: Vera’s Very Vegetarian Variety

JUDGE ONE: Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spice and peppers.
JUDGE TWO: The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb.
ME: My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous flames. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except Sally. I asked if she wants to go dancing later.

Chili # 7: Susan’s Screaming Sensation Chili

JUDGE ONE: A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.
JUDGE TWO: Ho-hum, tastes as if the chef threw in canned chili peppers at the last moment. I should note that I am a bit worried about Judge Number 3; he appears to be in a bit of distress.
ME: You could put a hand grenade in my mouth and pull the pin and I wouldn’t feel it. I’ve lost the sight in one eye and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My clothes are covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth at some point. That’s good; at the time of autopsy they’ll know what killed me. Go Sally, save yourself before it’s too late. Tell our children I’m sorry I was not there to conceive them. I’ve decided to stop breathing, it’s too painful and I’m not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air I’ll just let it in through the hole in my stomach. Call the X-Files people and tell them I’ve found a super nova on my tongue.

Chili # 8: Helen’s Mount Saint Chili

JUDGE ONE: This final entry is a good, balanced chili, neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge Number 3 fell and pulled the chili pot on top of himself.
JUDGE TWO: A perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili, safe for all, not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.
ME: Mama?!

Matthew Gray Writes: High-Velocity Food Fun!

A long time ago, when I was living in Los Angeles, a very funny thing happened, something I’d wager never happened to you.

My mom had a sore throat and a bad cold, and was eating Campbell’s Chicken Noodle Soup. We’ve all had it a million times. It’s soothing to think back to our childhood, isn’t it?

We were just sitting around the kitchen table, you know, where all the best conversation always takes place. Gossiping, schmoozing, call it what you will, there we were, my mom, dad, sister, and me.

You know how slick and slippery those noodles are in the chicken noodle soup, right? Well, I was recalling something about my day at school (one of the very rare days I actually went to school) to the family, and I said something that made everyone crack-up.

My mom, caught in the middle of laughter and slurping a big spoonful of the soup, did a very rare variation of what is usually referred to as a “spit take” except this one was the nasal version.

That’s right, she sent one of those slippery noodles right out her left nostril! It flew clear across the room.

Like a moment frozen in Time, it was something I will never forget, and something I use to help myself laugh out-loud when I’m feeling down. {I’ve got a million of `em, by the way!}

I’ve never heard of anyone else launching a noodle out their nose, but if you have, let me know. Or, if you have your own funny food-related memory, please share it with me and the rest of the gang.

Matthew Gray Writes: My Restaurant Pet Peeves

We all hate the way staffers hover near our tables.  It’s as if they’re being paid by the plate – or by the irritant value associated with removing one’s plate when there’s still a bite or two…or some sauce, still remaining.  Not only that, they hardly ever ask if you are finished, or if they do, their hand has already made contact with your plate.  They’ll remove plates whenever they can, not bothering to wait for all the patrons to be finished.  This is perhaps not the rule, but it does occur all too often.

When my glass is handled or picked-up anywhere above the middle.  I have witnessed way too many times glassware being handled at the top, or around the rim, where your mouth goes.  YUCK!  Ditto on the way my plates are handled.

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I despise being advised to “keep my fork & knife” when plates are being cleared.  Sorry kids, take the used silverware and bring me clean utensils NOW!

Up-selling.  When I order the glass of $10 tawny port, do not tell me that the 40-year old vintage port at $30 is to die for.

I do not like when the waiter comes to your table and doles out the Parmesan cheese like it was Krugerrands.  Give us all a break and bring us a dish of the stuff. 

When a staffer recites the “specials” and opts not to tell the prices.  I find this practice amongst the most dishonest and deceptive in the restaurant industry.

Matthew Gray's Restaurant Pet Peeves

Removing the bread basket before the entrees are served.  What is that all about?!?

Do not tell me to “save room for dessert.”  I have been eating my entire life.

Know your food!  Understand how it is prepared, what ingredients are used, and its general flavoring characteristics.  Be able to answer my questions – – or get someone over to my table who can.

Don’t kiss-up at the last minute, after an evening of mediocre service, hoping to get a great tip.

Matthew Gray Writes: ☼ HOW TO STAY WARM IN LONDON ☼

For most of my life, being the food-loving (okay, food-obsessed) guy I am, when I’d come walking into a restaurant, if the owner saw me, he’d know that a lot of food would be consumed, ergo, that he was going to have a good night, dollar-wise. If it was a buffet place, oh dear, I would be kicking his ass.

Anyway, I don’t know why it is, but perhaps, when hungry, I become wide-eyed, a bit wild-looking, and, sadly, I drool when I get excited. I loves me some good food!

Nowadays, that perception may have diminished somewhat, because my girlfriend, Lin Kensington, is ultra-fit, and quite trim. So upon seeing her, you’d think, “Here comes another sensible couple; probably won’t order apps or dessert…and God willing, might even want to share a main course.”

But the fact of the matter is, my Linnie can eat me under the table (no pun intended), blessed with the metabolism of a hummingbird, and the appetite of a lumberjack, or whatever the female version of a lumberjack is called.

Ok then, the stage is set.

It’s a cold and windy late-afternoon in London, and here we are, in Chinatown. For some perplexing reason we’re not feeling particularly peckish; we mostly wanted to escape the weather and get a nice cup of tea, or some soup. After all, being a Chinese place they are bound by law to have stand-out versions of both those offerings, right?

We walk in and are seated. The teapot contains some kind of blend of jasmine and Lapsang Souchong (style points given here), and the menu is dense with all kinds of nice-sounding dishes. The soups, however, was our desire on this day.

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We ordered a sweet corn and crab-meat soup, along with a dumpling/won-ton/veggie combo, each of them bound to satisfy beyond a doubt. (More on the soup a bit later).

What followed was a long silence, with our waitress fixated on her pad, ready to write the rest of our order. But that would not come to pass.

After about what seemed like half an eternity, I said, “Thanks, that’s it” and hoped she’d walk away and fulfill our wishes. Well, think again.

She was all like, “What else do you want” – and quietly stared us down while we held our ground. “Nope, soup’s all we want today, thank you.” Finally, she relented, and took care of our order.

Geez, what’s with people? I catch hell when I eat too much (my inner guilty self), or too little (from restaurant staffers). Leave me the f*ck alone and let me eat in peace (my lifelong mantra, by the way).

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The soups, both of them, were fantastic. I couldn’t come close in my own kitchen (that’s always been my standard unit of measurement) and we were banging our soup spoons and slurping appropriately to get every last drip-drop from our bowls.

“Wow” and “ooohhh” and “yippee” would be what you heard if you were seated near us. I know, such technical jargon coming from a former chef and food writer may seem a bit arrogant, but it’s true.

Later, when the flavor of the soup abandoned our taste buds once and for all, we loaded up on more of their yummy tea and readied ourselves to brave the cold before our nighttime theatre engagement.

The check is brought out, and for some reason it doesn’t look right. They tacked-on an extra 5 pounds for the tea, which I might add was brought to our table and poured when we were seated. It’s one thing to order tea in a proper restaurant and pay its price, but in a Chinese place it’s an automatic, right? I’d never heard of being charged for tea in a Chinese restaurant before. Never. And, oh yeah, I wasn’t going to allow such cruel and unusual punishment to happen to me and my lady, no-no.

I grabbed my ballpoint and crossed-out the 5 pound charge, adjusting the final price on the check. Then I placed my credit card inside to be taken away and processed.

What came next was being confronted by our server, berating me for crossing out the 5 pound charge for tea (how dare I!?) stating they do not accept credit cards for under 10 pounds. I looked around and didn’t see any signs to that effect, and told her that. She picked up a menu and pointed to, in half-point type, on the back cover of the menu, that said, “Minimum charge for credit card is 10 pounds.” The type was SO small, honestly, you’d need a magnifying glass to make it out.

Taking the high road I replied with, “Sorry, I can’t even read this, plus I do not carry cash, only credit cards.” It was a take it or leave it situation.

Standing up, I blurted, “If you want to call the bobbies, then go right ahead!” making sure all the patrons heard me. I leaned over to Lin and whispered, “Do they even call them bobbies anymore?” I looked back at the stunned staffer and offered, “It’s your move; either take my credit card or call the police.”

I saw her walk over to the manager of the restaurant, engaging him in a bit of side-pocket conversation, returning to our table, fuming. The manager followed her to the table, and I was feeling a bit of the old fight or flight in this moment.

“`Had I led us to a throw-down?'” was what I was thinking to myself. Meanwhile, Lin’s burying her face in her hands, lord only knows what she’s thinking, although quite likely it’s along the lines of, “Matthew needs to choose his fights more wisely.”

Finally, they relented, wishing not to rumble with another ugly American, and took my card. “Now, how hard was that?” I said when she returned to the table.

To add soy sauce to her wound, I said, “Next time, and keep this in mind; `the customer is always right’, especially if you are working for tips.” And, with a mighty flourish I signed the receipt and called to my girl to blow this joint.

I was engaged, pumped, alive… the adrenaline was flowing and I was feeling extra-warm in this moment, ready to brave London’s crazy-kooky-windy and cold weather that awaited outside.

The show was great, by the way…

And that’s how you can stay warm in London.

Hawaiian Food Glossary

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Present Hawai’ian Island food culture is a melting pot of many international influences. You’ve got Portuguese, Native Hawai’ian cuisine, American, Chinese, Filipino, Japanese, Korean and Polynesian sometimes all rolled into one meal!

When you put all of these food cultures into an equation, the results are infinite and nothing less than unique and creative!

Ultimate Guide To Hawai’ian Islands Local Foods Desserts and Sweets

Let’s start with dessert items shall we, because who doesn’t love dessert?

Shave Ice – Shave ice or Hawaiian shave ice is an ice-based dessert made by shaving a block of ice. To be correct, it’s ‘Shave Ice’ not Shaved Ice! While the product can resemble a snow cone, snow cones are made with crushed, rather than shaved, ice. Served in a cone or cone shaped cup, flavored syrups are added to the ice, which are absorbed by the ice instead of surrounding it, shave ice in Hawai’i is often flavored with local ingredients such as guava, pineapple, coconut cream, passion fruit, li hing mui (salty dried plum), lychee, kiwi fruit and mango. The toppings are very unique to Hawai’i too! Look for mochi balls, sweetened condensed milk, adzuki beans, ice cream! You won’t find toppings like shredded toasted coconut or adzuki beans on the Mainland!

Haupia – Haupia is a traditional coconut milk-based Hawai’ian dessert often found at luaus and other local gatherings in Hawaiʻi. Think of it as coconut finger jello. The traditional Hawaiian recipe for haupia calls for heated coconut milk to be mixed with ground pia (Polynesian arrowroot, Tacca leontopetaloides) until the mixture thickens. Due to the lack of availability of arrowroot starch, some modern recipes for haupia substitute cornstarch. Don’t worry if you fall in love with Haupia while visiting the Island, you can buy packets at the local grocery stores and take it home with you or order online too! But it’s also simple enough to make from scratch at home.

Portuguese Sweet Bread – or Pao Doce, that was originally a Christmas and Easter tradition. Portuguese sweet bread is a bread made with milk, sugar and/or honey, eggs, yeast, flour and sometimes lemon peel to produce a subtly sweet lightly textured loaf or rolls. If you’ve ever found ‘King’s Hawai’ian Bread’ on the mainland you get an idea of what this yummy bakery goodie is all about.

Kulolo – Kulolo is a Hawai’ian dessert made primarily with baked or steamed grated taro corms and either with grated coconut meat or coconut milk. Considered a pudding, kulolo has a solid consistency like fudge and is often served cut into squares.

Malasada – Hawaii’s favorite fried treat. A malasada is a Portuguese confection, made of egg-sized balls of yeast dough that are deep-fried in oil and coated with granulated sugar. Think Mainland donut holes on steroids. There’s an upcoming blog post that I’ll do on the divine Malasadas from the Sugar Beach Bake Shop. Suffice it to say that they are amazing – and all Malasadas are not created equally!

Mochi Ice Cream – Mochi Ice Cream is bite-sized ice cream wrapped in mochi, a sweetened rice dough. Pretty much anything Mochi, not just Mochi Ice Cream is popular in Hawaii. Why not try Butter Mochi, or Mochi Balls on your Shave Ice or Mochi’s cousin Chi Chi Dango (another confection made from rice flour).

Fruits

Lychee (always choose lychee that are as red as possible. Redder is better!)
Fresh lychee can usually be found in Asian markets. Underneath the hard, bumpy husk is tender, white flesh with a sweet strawberry-watermelon flavor that covers an inedible stone, which is the fruit’s seed. Lychee is eaten raw on its own.

When buying lychee, redder is better!

Rambutans (as with lychee, (always choose rambutans that are as red as possible. Redder is better!). Visually, they have a bizarre, hairy exterior that conceals a smooth, sweet white fruit within. Even with its thicker skin (than a lychee) you can easily peel open a rambutan by splitting the skin apart with your nails and spreading it back, much as you would peel an orange. Don’t worry about the spines; they look sharp but are actually quite soft and bend back easily.

Rambutan

Longan fruit is very juicy, mostly water, and high in natural sugar content, so it is very sweet. The translucent flesh has the consistency of a grape and it also taste grape-like. There are tropical flavors as well, with a hint of muskiness/funk. But the musk flavor isn’t unpleasant.

Longan

Snacks

Technically speaking many of the items listed here could fall under the snack category but here are a few that are specifically – just snacks.

Crack Seed – Crack seed is a category of snacks that originated in China. It is highly popular in many regions, such as Hawaii. Crack seed are basically preserved fruits that have been cracked or split with the seed or kernel partially exposed as a flavor enhancement. The flavors are varied, ranging from extremely sweet and salty to sour flavors. Flavors can include rock salt plum, li hing mui, honey mango, licorice peach, or any kind of combination of fruits, flavors and type of preservatives used. What originally was a preserved fruit has become a favorite snack in Hawaii and a sample of a cultural food.

Li Hing Mui – Basically a salted, dried plum but also a flavoring. You can find variations such as seedless, shredded, sweet, sweet-sour, red, white etc. Eaten as a snack , Li Hing for short, is a a ‘crack seed’. But the flavoring – which is ground up plum skin mixed with various other flavors and red color – is sprinkled on fresh fruit, added to tropical drinks, shave ice, you name it. An acquired taste for most and the ingredients of present day Li Hing Mui don’t exactly convey as ‘health food’ (think red and yellow food dye with aspartame).

Taro Chips – One of my favorite snacks (and I like to start my trip to Maui eating them on the plane, Hawaiian Airlines currently offers them on their snack menu.) The Hawaiian Chip Co. makes (in my opinion) the best taro chips. They are not overly salted like ones from another major chip company. They’re just perfect for snacking on the beach! I love their starchy goodness and rarely do I not eat an entire bag.

Have you gone into a sugar coma yet? Mouth puckering from the thought of sour pickled plums? Yea, me too. Let’s move on to some main dishes shall we.

And speaking of Taro, let’s talk about…

Poi – I recall stories from my Tutu (grandmother) of my mom eating fresh poi as a baby during the years they lived on Oahu. I’ve eaten poi several times, but it’s been a while. Note to self; eat poi again on next trip to Maui! According to Wikipedia (and I use their reference to make sure I get it right).

Poi is a Hawaiian word for the primary Polynesian staple food made from the underground plant stem or corm of the taro plant (known in Hawaiian as kalo). It is a traditional part of Native Hawaiian cuisine.

Poi is produced by mashing the cooked corm (baked or steamed) until it is a highly viscous fluid. Water is added during mashing and again just before eating to achieve the desired consistency, which can range from liquid to dough-like. As such, poi can be known as “one-finger,” “two-finger,” or “three-finger” poi depending on the consistency, alluding to how many fingers are required to scoop it up in order to eat it (the thicker the poi, the fewer fingers required to scoop a sufficient mouthful). Poi can be eaten immediately when fresh and sweet, or left a bit longer to ferment.

For me, poi was a bit like the kindergarten paste of my childhood in texture, not that I ate paste as a kid, has a mild flavor and would be a staple that I imagine is like growing up with hot oatmeal for breakfast.

Main Dishes

Loco Moco – This is some kind of meal and how it came to be is a bit of a mystery to me as the combination is not one I’d ever come up with (the history of this local and widely popular dish is known and is said to have come from Lincoln Grill in Hilo). Imagine this, a plate of white rice topped with a hamburger patty, then smothered in gravy/sauce and finished off with an over-easy fried egg. There are of course variants to this dish but generally speaking these are the ‘bones’ of it.

ManapuaManapua is a Cantonese barbecue-pork-filled bun (Cha siu bao). In Hawai’i, Manapua’s name is a shortening of the Hawai’ian mea ʻono puaʻa, meaning, “delicious pork thing.” This Dim Sum item consists of a white bun with a dark pink-colored diced pork filling. Manapua has come to mean any meat-filled or bean-paste-filled bun made with the same dough and includes locally created versions with hot dogs, curry chicken, kalua pig, and even ube (purple yam), which is a popular vegetarian version of the manapua. In Hawai’i, freshly prepared or prepackaged frozen manapua may be found in dedicated bakeries, restaurants, food trucks, swap meet vendors and chain convenience stores. Which side of the fence you reside on, steamed or baked will provide you with endless debate among locals.

Mixed Plate/Plate Lunch – typical plate lunch consists of white rice, macaroni salad (more on that later), and a meat of your choosing, such as pork, lau lau (more on that later too) maybe mahi mahi, katsu chicken or teriyaki beef. “The best plate lunches are simple, unassuming meals made in small, non-franchise, hole-in-the-wall, joints owned by local and ethnic families for generations.” says Amberloo of TripAdvisor. When ordering, if your server asks “toss or mac” – you’re being asked if you tossed salad or macaroni salad. Plate lunch purists usually expect both white rice (although brown rice is now often available) and “mac salad.”

Spam Musubi – Spam is an immensely popular item in Hawaii. Go figure. And when you look at the quintessential island-fusion fast-food item, well… you get Spam Musubi. What the heck is it you say? It’s the ultimate portable snack or lunch food on the islands and is as ubiquitous as flip flops and sunscreen here. A hunk of fried/grilled spam sits atop a block of white rice wrapped in nori in the tradition of Japanese omusubi.

Macaroni Salad – Not a fan here, but if you are then you’re in the right spot if you’re in Hawai’i! This ubiquitous pasta salad, nearly always served via ice cream scoop is accompanied by a same-shaped scoop of white rice (or two) and just about every place has it on the menu.

Plate Lunch Special

Saimin – Probably the ultimate local comfort food. Saimin (rhymes with eye-bin) is Chinese in origin but has blended over the years to be truly unique to the Islands. According to Hawai’i Magazine “One of Hawai’i’s most traditional local foods, saimin is an iteration of a Chinese egg-noodle soup that was developed during the Islands’ plantation era. You can taste how the recipe has been touched by Hawai‘i history’s different immigrant groups, primarily the thin Chinese chow mein-inspired noodles wading in a Japanese dashi broth. As more migrations followed, more ingredients informally entered the mix—green onions, kamaboko, kimchi, Portuguese sausage, Spam—to create the recognizable bowls of saimin you see today. It’s become so iconic you can order it at sporting events at Aloha Stadium, even McDonald’s locations across Hawaii. Star Noodle on Maui is one of the island’s go-to saimin shops.“

Poke – It’s not sushi, it’s poke. And it’s pronounced PO-keh! Many pronounce it like ‘Pokey’ as in ‘Do the Hokey Pokey‘ but the sure fire way to blend in while traveling in Hawai’i is to pronounce it correctly. Most often Poke is made from Ahi (yellowfin tuna), shoyu sauce (we say shoyu in Hawai’i, the mainland says ‘Soy Sauce’), onions, and any number of other flavors like sesame oil, avocado, seaweed, Sriracha and more. Our favorite Poke comes from Domo in Honolulu’s Chinatown, or one of the many Foodland grocery stores, but is truly available all over our beautiful island nation of Hawaii. If you’re not sure if you’d like poke or not, just ask for a free sample to try.

Shoyu – As mentioned above, in Hawai’i we call soy sauce by the name ‘Shoyu’ and it’s as much a staple as ketchup and mustard on the mainland. So though Shoyu isn’t unique to the Islands, but what we call it is really a regional thing. Wanna sound ‘local’, don’t ask for soy sauce. Just ask for “shoyu.”

Soy sauce is called shoyu in Hawaii

Eat Something Delicious Today,

Matthew Gray
Hawaii Food Tours®
CFG {Chief Food Guy}
www.HawaiiFoodTours.com
8 0 8 . 389 . 8255

Tasty Tours for the Hungry Traveler

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Matthew Gray Writes: My Amorous Adventures With A Spud

By Matthew Gray ©Matthew Gray is the Chef, Owner & Founder of Hawaii Food Tours. He’s a former food writer and Restaurant Reviewer, and a long-time talk-radio host and presenter. Matthew may be reached via emailContact Matthew Gray — Matthew@HawaiiFoodTours.com

I’m at the rear of a walk-up flat, my friend, in a rather downscale kitchen.

Gravel-voiced blues sift from an old box radio on the counter. There is a cracked linoleum floor, a Formica table, two dinette chairs, and a bottle of Chianti. The light’s not soft, just weird, a strange luminous haze that I assume is Spanish Fly flurrying down, left over, like ozone in the atmosphere, from the stormy fantasies of a million lovelorn boys, each crying out in the night, howling at the moon.

A woman occupies one of the chairs. Not just any woman, but a voluptuous, sloe-eyed goddess, the handmaiden of lust. She seems to sprawl in her chair in a sort of narcotic fog. Her dishevelment seems to have an eternal source, a secret engine. She’s not falling apart, she’s undergoing a metamorphosis. Unbrushed to wanton perfection is her auburn hair. Her lips are painted crimson, and she wears a necklace of fat pearls at her throat, where the skin appears flushed with preprandial heat. Her blouse is loosely buttoned, her cleavage a bit frightening, deep, no place for babies.

And, bless her heart, she has a tongue that can tie a knot in the stem of a cherry. Her chair is pulled close to the table so that you know she feels its hard edge as a bar of pressure across her abdomen, but you can’t see, unless you stand back, how her knees have angled apart or how high her silky red skirt has hiked up her electric thighs, revealing the tops of her stockings, the flowered clasps of a garter belt, and beyond, farther up in the sinewy confluence of flesh, a glimpse of the Lithuanian national flag, triangled, obscured in a blur of steam.

I have come to understand that her underthings are meant to be a forecast of the evening’s bill of fare. Oh dear, I say to myself, taking the empty chair, I wonder what she has in mind.

“I have something special,” she says, “just for you.”

As you might imagine, she’s breathing heavily, and I’m holding my breath. Her hands snake under the table; I can’t tell you where they’ve gone exactly or why she throws her head back and makes little yelps of pleasure. All I know is that I’ve been invited for dinner and I am a hungry, hungry man.

I clear my throat and dare to ask what’s cooking. Last time around it was roast squab in currant jelly; the time before, braised turbot with vermouth.

She moans with a slight tone of frustration and straightens up, takes a second to refocus her inchoate eyes. I don’t know how it got there — this is a surprise – but suddenly she’s holding a potato, and the thing is smoldering as though it’s about to blow up.

My disappointment is, I’m afraid, apparent. A woman who believes in the amorous properties of potatoes shouldn’t be difficult to please, but frankly I don’t recall any mention of starchy foods in the Kama Sutra.

Common sense tells me that not many of us, male or female, tend to be sexually aroused by spuds. They champion neither evocative shape nor aesthetic lure, have a taste only a bad poet would bother to describe, are conceived in subterranean ignorance of passion, quickly mature to frumpy ordinariness, and connote the long pedestrian haul of love rather than the wild lather of its overture. What pitiful son-of-a-bitch has ever locked upon a lump of mashed potatoes, then raised a wolfish gaze to the coquette responsible for the lump, put two and two together and concluded, “Good God, I must have my way with her! I must!”?

On second thought, however, I decide better a potato than an apple. Given their track record in the history of lovemaking, apples are not to be trusted. Our sexual past thunders with the consequences of their blinding aphrodisiac effect. They cost us Paradise and provoked the Trojan War. Plus there’s that film clip of Marilyn Monroe rolling an apple around her bosom, wearing a pair of big, dorky white cotton panties that make her look absolutely nunnish. Apples are a sexual jinx, an emblem of entrapment, and when I say that women who have served me a prim and matriarchal apple pie as a means of encouraging my affection have invariably chilled my hormones.

I swear I am serious. If a pie is to be employed in my seduction, I much prefer a dark, oozy slice of blackberry, a more savory inspiration, and if the topping is a ballistic spurt of whipped but unsweetened cream, I won’t complain.

But I might as well come right out and say it: Is this slippery business of aphrodisiacs a joke or not? I don’t understand them or their vanities, although I admit to an appreciation of the bawdy, pampering decadence they engender, the gastro-sexual trail that leads to those shimmering, phosphorescent erotic dinners choreographed by soon-to-be-lovers.

I understand what an excellent bottle of red wine or bubbling champagne means (I love it and I’ll drink it and then I’ll do anything), but what gives with Asian men, with their shark fins and ambergris, monkey parts, and obscene powders of rhino horn? Isn’t sushi sexy enough? Where did they get this Neolithic sense of sexual prowess? What failings are they trying to compensate for? Are Eastern orgasms so elusive as to require such voodoo and coercion?

Or is stamina — rather, the lack thereof — a universal problem that I’ve so far been spared? (brag, brag, brag) Even my pal PJ confesses that on his honeymoon he invested heavily in buffalo steak, as if rich and wild meat were an erection’s insurance policy. Forever, it seems, that’s what men have thought. When virility was the question, game was the answer, consumed in a ritual of mock cannibalism, in which power is gained not from devouring an enemy but from eating what is most admired, transferring its desirable traits to ourselves. Pheasants and pigeons, for instance, have been prized by self-styled Casanovas because these birds court with such robust determination.

On the other side of the equation, if the point is to get those girlies poised to abandon themselves to passion, the accepted gastronomic tactic is glandular inflammation, spicing them up to a level of high squirm. Thank you, Marco Polo, for carrying home these deceptive agents of lust — pepper, pimento, cinnamon, nutmeg, chives, saffron, vanilla, and ginger — and immersing them in the lives of housewives. It makes you wonder about Betty Crocker. Really nice girls stay away from sugar and spice.

As you can see, there’s a problem with our received knowledge of aphrodisiacs, a popular but deluded mythology at times so simplified as to constitute culinary smut. The most stereotypically perceived feature of an aphrodisiac, its anatomical shape, is also the most primitive, which as a metaphor does indeed raise some eyebrows but in practice gets to be a bit heavy-handed. If giving a child a toy car foreshadows his future ownership of the real thing, so it must follow that the more lewdly shaped shellfish and vegetables operate on the same premise. Yet if shape were innately potent, and not merely unsubtle, lovers everywhere would insist on hot dogs nestled in the warm, yeasty folds of buns, though they’d likely end up in the ballpark, not the bedroom, regressing to a state of prepubescence.

When what’s on the table seems too graphic or deliberate, shamelessly contrived to harden your Johnson, then the art is lost and the pornography of food is all too obvious, clinical and, finally boring.

The hope of love is to discover the right catalysts that help us reveal ourselves to one another — tender revelation, not lurid exposure — and the gastronomic role in this complex affair is a paradox of intimacy, suggesting sensual associations and unexpected wonders that illuminate, even as we bare ourselves, a delicious sense of mystery. Call it passion, whatever, it can’t be sated, it can’t be overfed; it can only be starved out to forage in the solitude of obsession. That’s when you find yourself tearing the horn
from the head of a rhinoceros, poor bugger.

Back in the goddess’s funky kitchen, I’m still waiting for the air to crackle with erotic tension, but I’m fast losing confidence in the goddess’s skill. If she’s trying to appeal to my Baltic heritage, I’d prefer that she ply me with vodka. Maybe my most ancient ancestors were round-bellied, weighty-jowled studs in the notoriously horny Clan of the Latke, and the goddess wants to connect me with my primal self. But it’s not working: I’m registering no measurable dilation of faraway capillaries, no vascular glow; I hear no wolves begin to howl from the hilltops of lust.

“Goddess,” I confess, “you’ve stumped me with your spud.” Sighing, she stretches languorously to give me the modest tuber. Her voice is like a hand on my crotch. “Remember that girl,” she asks, “long ago? When every secret taste and smell drove you crazy?”

That still happens, I confide, but I don’t know what girl she’s talking about. I think the goddess is kidding (but she’s not) when she next commands, rather vulgarly, I think, “Scratch and sniff,” unleashing a lurid set of magazine images on my imagination. She gashes the skin of the potato with a harlot’s fingernail and bids me to lower my proboscis.

I humor her and take a cautious whiff, with little faith in the promiscuity of the lowly pomme de terre, but I lift my head in awe, blinking, having inhaled a memory that penetrates far back into the erotic residues of experience. I feel my face reddening, for the goddess is an absolute mistress of the realm of sensuality, and under her gastronomic manipulation, I eventually gets the message that our libido has a menu of its own.

Years ago, and embarrassingly callow, I knew a virginal beauty who granted me full olfactory rights to her body. Her skin, I soon discovered, emanated an essence that made a terrific impression on me, a fragrance not especially fecund but fresh and loamy, and when I caught scent of it, I was so mystified I stopped in the middle of this ecstatic reconnaissance to declare “Hey, you smell like potatoes!” — candor, as it so often does, winning out over romance. These ghosts of taste and smell and touch, how good they are to have nearby.

One thing about the goddess, I can’t fool around with her. I have to eat what she fixes and get out of there fast. On my way home, with my morale sky-high, I can’t resist the impulse to pick up a ten-pound bag of Idaho Desirees.

What can I tell you? I have friends here in Honolulu who think cornflakes are an aphrodisiac. And Zippy’s chili. And the spicy pork at Gina’s Korean BBQ. What food turns you on?

Matthew Gray Writes: Ultimate Guide to Hawaiian Food

Present Hawai’ian Island food culture is a melting pot of many international influences. You’ve got Portuguese, Native Hawai’ian cuisine, American, Chinese, Filipino, Japanese, Korean and Polynesian sometimes all rolled into one meal!

When you put all of these food cultures into an equation, the results are infinite and nothing less than unique and creative!

Ultimate Guide To Hawai’ian Islands Local Foods Desserts and Sweets

Let’s start with dessert items shall we, because who doesn’t love dessert?

Shave Ice – Shave ice or Hawaiian shave ice is an ice-based dessert made by shaving a block of ice. To be correct, it’s ‘Shave Ice’ not Shaved Ice! While the product can resemble a snow cone, snow cones are made with crushed, rather than shaved, ice. Served in a cone or cone shaped cup, flavored syrups are added to the ice, which are absorbed by the ice instead of surrounding it, shave ice in Hawai’i is often flavored with local ingredients such as guava, pineapple, coconut cream, passion fruit, li hing mui (salty dried plum), lychee, kiwi fruit and mango. The toppings are very unique to Hawai’i too! Look for mochi balls, sweetened condensed milk, adzuki beans, ice cream! You won’t find toppings like shredded toasted coconut or adzuki beans on the Mainland!

Haupia – Haupia is a traditional coconut milk-based Hawai’ian dessert often found at luaus and other local gatherings in Hawaiʻi. Think of it as coconut finger jello. The traditional Hawaiian recipe for haupia calls for heated coconut milk to be mixed with ground pia (Polynesian arrowroot, Tacca leontopetaloides) until the mixture thickens. Due to the lack of availability of arrowroot starch, some modern recipes for haupia substitute cornstarch. Don’t worry if you fall in love with Haupia while visiting the Island, you can buy packets at the local grocery stores and take it home with you or order online too! But it’s also simple enough to make from scratch at home.

Portuguese Sweet Bread – or Pao Doce, that was originally a Christmas and Easter tradition. Portuguese sweet bread is a bread made with milk, sugar and/or honey, eggs, yeast, flour and sometimes lemon peel to produce a subtly sweet lightly textured loaf or rolls. If you’ve ever found ‘King’s Hawai’ian Bread’ on the mainland you get an idea of what this yummy bakery goodie is all about.

Kulolo – Kulolo is a Hawai’ian dessert made primarily with baked or steamed grated taro corms and either with grated coconut meat or coconut milk. Considered a pudding, kulolo has a solid consistency like fudge and is often served cut into squares.

Malasada – Hawaii’s favorite fried treat. A malasada is a Portuguese confection, made of egg-sized balls of yeast dough that are deep-fried in oil and coated with granulated sugar. Think Mainland donut holes on steroids. There’s an upcoming blog post that I’ll do on the divine Malasadas from the Sugar Beach Bake Shop. Suffice it to say that they are amazing – and all Malasadas are not created equally!

Mochi Ice Cream – Mochi Ice Cream is bite-sized ice cream wrapped in mochi, a sweetened rice dough. Pretty much anything Mochi, not just Mochi Ice Cream is popular in Hawaii. Why not try Butter Mochi, or Mochi Balls on your Shave Ice or Mochi’s cousin Chi Chi Dango (another confection made from rice flour).

Fruits

Lychee (always choose lychee that are as red as possible. Redder is better!)
Fresh lychee can usually be found in Asian markets. Underneath the hard, bumpy husk is tender, white flesh with a sweet strawberry-watermelon flavor that covers an inedible stone, which is the fruit’s seed. Lychee is eaten raw on its own.

When buying lychee, redder is better!

Rambutans (as with lychee, (always choose rambutans that are as red as possible. Redder is better!). Visually, they have a bizarre, hairy exterior that conceals a smooth, sweet white fruit within. Even with its thicker skin (than a lychee) you can easily peel open a rambutan by splitting the skin apart with your nails and spreading it back, much as you would peel an orange. Don’t worry about the spines; they look sharp but are actually quite soft and bend back easily.

Rambutan

Longan fruit is very juicy, mostly water, and high in natural sugar content, so it is very sweet. The translucent flesh has the consistency of a grape and it also taste grape-like. There are tropical flavors as well, with a hint of muskiness/funk. But the musk flavor isn’t unpleasant.

Longan

Snacks

Technically speaking many of the items listed here could fall under the snack category but here are a few that are specifically – just snacks.

Crack Seed – Crack seed is a category of snacks that originated in China. It is highly popular in many regions, such as Hawaii. Crack seed are basically preserved fruits that have been cracked or split with the seed or kernel partially exposed as a flavor enhancement. The flavors are varied, ranging from extremely sweet and salty to sour flavors. Flavors can include rock salt plum, li hing mui, honey mango, licorice peach, or any kind of combination of fruits, flavors and type of preservatives used. What originally was a preserved fruit has become a favorite snack in Hawaii and a sample of a cultural food.

Li Hing Mui – Basically a salted, dried plum but also a flavoring. You can find variations such as seedless, shredded, sweet, sweet-sour, red, white etc. Eaten as a snack , Li Hing for short, is a a ‘crack seed’. But the flavoring – which is ground up plum skin mixed with various other flavors and red color – is sprinkled on fresh fruit, added to tropical drinks, shave ice, you name it. An acquired taste for most and the ingredients of present day Li Hing Mui don’t exactly convey as ‘health food’ (think red and yellow food dye with aspartame).

Taro Chips – One of my favorite snacks (and I like to start my trip to Maui eating them on the plane, Hawaiian Airlines currently offers them on their snack menu.) The Hawaiian Chip Co. makes (in my opinion) the best taro chips. They are not overly salted like ones from another major chip company. They’re just perfect for snacking on the beach! I love their starchy goodness and rarely do I not eat an entire bag.

Have you gone into a sugar coma yet? Mouth puckering from the thought of sour pickled plums? Yea, me too. Let’s move on to some main dishes shall we.

And speaking of Taro, let’s talk about…

Poi – I recall stories from my Tutu (grandmother) of my mom eating fresh poi as a baby during the years they lived on Oahu. I’ve eaten poi several times, but it’s been a while. Note to self; eat poi again on next trip to Maui! According to Wikipedia (and I use their reference to make sure I get it right).

Poi is a Hawaiian word for the primary Polynesian staple food made from the underground plant stem or corm of the taro plant (known in Hawaiian as kalo). It is a traditional part of Native Hawaiian cuisine.

Poi is produced by mashing the cooked corm (baked or steamed) until it is a highly viscous fluid. Water is added during mashing and again just before eating to achieve the desired consistency, which can range from liquid to dough-like. As such, poi can be known as “one-finger,” “two-finger,” or “three-finger” poi depending on the consistency, alluding to how many fingers are required to scoop it up in order to eat it (the thicker the poi, the fewer fingers required to scoop a sufficient mouthful). Poi can be eaten immediately when fresh and sweet, or left a bit longer to ferment.

For me, poi was a bit like the kindergarten paste of my childhood in texture, not that I ate paste as a kid, has a mild flavor and would be a staple that I imagine is like growing up with hot oatmeal for breakfast.

Main Dishes

Loco Moco – This is some kind of meal and how it came to be is a bit of a mystery to me as the combination is not one I’d ever come up with (the history of this local and widely popular dish is known and is said to have come from Lincoln Grill in Hilo). Imagine this, a plate of white rice topped with a hamburger patty, then smothered in gravy/sauce and finished off with an over-easy fried egg. There are of course variants to this dish but generally speaking these are the ‘bones’ of it.

ManapuaManapua is a Cantonese barbecue-pork-filled bun (Cha siu bao). In Hawai’i, Manapua’s name is a shortening of the Hawai’ian mea ʻono puaʻa, meaning, “delicious pork thing.” This Dim Sum item consists of a white bun with a dark pink-colored diced pork filling. Manapua has come to mean any meat-filled or bean-paste-filled bun made with the same dough and includes locally created versions with hot dogs, curry chicken, kalua pig, and even ube (purple yam), which is a popular vegetarian version of the manapua. In Hawai’i, freshly prepared or prepackaged frozen manapua may be found in dedicated bakeries, restaurants, food trucks, swap meet vendors and chain convenience stores. Which side of the fence you reside on, steamed or baked will provide you with endless debate among locals.

Mixed Plate/Plate Lunch – typical plate lunch consists of white rice, macaroni salad (more on that later), and a meat of your choosing, such as pork, lau lau (more on that later too) maybe mahi mahi, katsu chicken or teriyaki beef. “The best plate lunches are simple, unassuming meals made in small, non-franchise, hole-in-the-wall, joints owned by local and ethnic families for generations.” says Amberloo of TripAdvisor. When ordering, if your server asks “toss or mac” – you’re being asked if you tossed salad or macaroni salad. Plate lunch purists usually expect both white rice (although brown rice is now often available) and “mac salad.”

Spam Musubi – Spam is an immensely popular item in Hawaii. Go figure. And when you look at the quintessential island-fusion fast-food item, well… you get Spam Musubi. What the heck is it you say? It’s the ultimate portable snack or lunch food on the islands and is as ubiquitous as flip flops and sunscreen here. A hunk of fried/grilled spam sits atop a block of white rice wrapped in nori in the tradition of Japanese omusubi.

Macaroni Salad – Not a fan here, but if you are then you’re in the right spot if you’re in Hawai’i! This ubiquitous pasta salad, nearly always served via ice cream scoop is accompanied by a same-shaped scoop of white rice (or two) and just about every place has it on the menu.

Plate Lunch Special

Saimin – Probably the ultimate local comfort food. Saimin (rhymes with eye-bin) is Chinese in origin but has blended over the years to be truly unique to the Islands. According to Hawai’i Magazine “One of Hawai’i’s most traditional local foods, saimin is an iteration of a Chinese egg-noodle soup that was developed during the Islands’ plantation era. You can taste how the recipe has been touched by Hawai‘i history’s different immigrant groups, primarily the thin Chinese chow mein-inspired noodles wading in a Japanese dashi broth. As more migrations followed, more ingredients informally entered the mix—green onions, kamaboko, kimchi, Portuguese sausage, Spam—to create the recognizable bowls of saimin you see today. It’s become so iconic you can order it at sporting events at Aloha Stadium, even McDonald’s locations across Hawaii. Star Noodle on Maui is one of the island’s go-to saimin shops.“

Poke – It’s not sushi, it’s poke. And it’s pronounced PO-keh! Many pronounce it like ‘Pokey’ as in ‘Do the Hokey Pokey‘ but the sure fire way to blend in while traveling in Hawai’i is to pronounce it correctly. Most often Poke is made from Ahi (yellowfin tuna), shoyu sauce (we say shoyu in Hawai’i, the mainland says ‘Soy Sauce’), onions, and any number of other flavors like sesame oil, avocado, seaweed, Sriracha and more. Our favorite Poke comes from Domo in Honolulu’s Chinatown, or one of the many Foodland grocery stores, but is truly available all over our beautiful island nation of Hawaii. If you’re not sure if you’d like poke or not, just ask for a free sample to try.

Shoyu – As mentioned above, in Hawai’i we call soy sauce by the name ‘Shoyu’ and it’s as much a staple as ketchup and mustard on the mainland. So though Shoyu isn’t unique to the Islands, but what we call it is really a regional thing. Wanna sound ‘local’, don’t ask for soy sauce. Just ask for “shoyu.”

Soy sauce is called shoyu in Hawaii

 

Eat Something Delicious Today,

Matthew Gray
Hawaii Food Tours®
CFG {Chief Food Guy}
www.HawaiiFoodTours.com
8 0 8 . 389 . 8255

Tasty Tours for the Hungry Traveler

Matthew Gray Writes: My (Mostly) True Story of Love, Sex, Food & Intrigue…

By Matthew Gray ©Matthew Gray is the Chef, Owner & Founder of Hawaii Food Tours. He’s a former food writer and Restaurant Reviewer, and a long-time talk-radio host and presenter. Matthew may be reached via emailContact Matthew Gray — Matthew@HawaiiFoodTours.com

ALI BABA’S LAST SUPPER

Looking like a delicately stuffed and chocolate-dipped strawberry, she paused in the Moroccan arched doorway. Draped in a red silk blouse and body-hugging blue jeans, she wore an antique locket filled with saffron.

Her name was Solana Jensen, a self-proclaimed pleasure-pot and a traveling freelance cook. She sauntered into the cozy little Cafe Yoghurt where I had stopped for tea. Turns out she was looking to sell her car.

I didn’t know it at the time, but I would be the proud owner of a 1974 Ford Cortina before the day was done. The Cortina had quite an interesting history behind it, but the best was yet to come.

Catching my attention and holding it like an inside straight, Solana approached and floated down upon the pillow beside me. I do not look like Mel Gibson, but for some reason women find me cuddly and safe — a mixed blessing indeed.

The waiter bowed and, calling me `Ali Baba’, took my order.

“Why did the waiter call you Ali Baba?” she inquired.

“For some reason everyone here calls me Ali Baba” I responded.

“Must be your size” she said with a provocative gaze…. “or your beard.”

Offering her hand she said, “My name’s Solana, what’s yours?”

“My name’s Matthew.”

Solana smelled different than any other woman. “So, Ali Baba, you look American with possibly some eastern European in you, am I right?” she deduced.

“Yes, there’s some Russian and Polish in my gene pool. I’m impressed.”

“Ok, your turn. Take your best shot at guessing my heritage,” she invited. I studied her exotic coloring and features but could not guess. “I give up, tell me,” I said.

“My mother was full-blooded Sioux,” she boasted, “and my father is Swedish.”

The waiter returned with the jaw-tingling sweetness of Moroccan spearmint tea. It would be the bridge that joined our taste buds eternally. A fascinating custom of pouring this tea from great heights into a small glass was an endearing aspect of food-service I hadn’t witnessed previously. As difficult as flipping the contents of a sauté pan for the uninitiated, the waiter, in one smooth flourish, begin pouring a few inches above the glass, and continued until the tea was streaming down from two or three feet in altitude. All without spilling a drop.

Solana told me she’d been on the road for two and a half years, picking up kitchen work whenever possible.

“One of the great things about cooking is its universal nature,” she said. “No need to be a master linguist; if you can create and combine colors, textures and aromas, one can usually find, at least, temporary employment.” I agreed. It wasn’t the last thing I would agree to.

Solana told me about the Cortina she was selling. She bought it in front of the Australian embassy in London about three years earlier for the grand total of sixty-nine pounds Sterling. She drove around England for a month or so, taking work preparing pub grub before making her way to France and the rest of the European continent.

“Isn’t it amazing that you and I would meet in the middle of the Marrakesh medina?” she asked. “Truly,” I answered.

She was getting more interesting by the second. I decided to invite her to lunch.

“I’m famished, Solana. May I treat you to lunch?”

Lighting up, she leapt to her feet. “I know the perfect place.” I tossed a few dirham on the table and followed her out the door. She held my hand as we made our way through the maze-like streets populated by potion men, snake charmers, and women behind veils. The sweet scent I would later come to recognize as opium was pervasively wafting through the air. An old gypsy villager selling flowers charmed me into buying a small bouquet for my new-found friend.

“Wow, this is scrumptious,” I said, “What am I eating?”

“It’s called tagine, the Moroccan national dish…. couscous, lamb and veggies… simmered together and topped with mint leaves and mandarin orange sections.” We followed that with grilled sardines. We fed the sweet, moist sea delicacies to one another with our fingers. This was my kind of place. We could feed each other without as much as a curious glance from the staff or patrons.

“I could get used to this, Solana. Being fed exotic fare by a beautiful woman in a foreign land. It doesn’t get sexier than this, does it?” I was rapidly letting my guard down as she seduced my senses. “I’d like to kiss you, Ali Baba.” My response was an awkward twitch I could not control, a quirk that delighted Miss Jensen. “Let’s pretend we’re in `The Arabian Nights’” she teased. “Show me your magic!”

Some guys have all the luck, I thought. And this time it happened to be me. With my confidence peaking and my libido looming large on the horizon, I passionately obliged the lady. I was half-way around the world and half-way home at the same exact moment in time.

Solana was staying at a friend of a friend’s place on Avenue Mohammed V. It seems as though every notable place in Morocco was on a street, boulevard, or avenue named Mohammed V. With that information, I wondered how anybody made their appointments on time. But time was not a concern for Moroccan men. The vast majority of the male population I witnessed spent most of their time squatting the day away with buddies, while the women did all the work. Child care, herding the animals, and preparing the meals was women’s work. Apparently the men had plenty of nothing to do. I, on the other hand, had a full day ahead of me.

By the time the day was done, I had seen the Moroccan sights like an insider, and Solana had convinced me to buy her car. Her timing was perfect. In the heat of my desire for her, I would have bought anything. And so I did; later that night at her friend’s borrowed apartment, I found my way inside all her passion.

The next morning after the requisite North African cold shower, it was clear that Solana had big plans for us. It turns out the car I had just bought from her was filled with exotic, tinned foodstuffs that had to be delivered to a small village near Fez, three hundred and fifty kilometers away. Would I, Ali Baba, do that for her, with my newly-purchased automobile? Of course. I knew she had more delights in store for me.

We hadn’t even left town in the old blue Cortina when I was introduced to the first of many of its charms. While negotiating a left hand turn, my right side-view mirror went flying off.

“Don’t worry about it,” she smiled. “I’ll refund you ten bucks for the mirror.”

After four hours of nerve-wracking driving up the mountain road, dodging goats and other exotic farm animals, I began to wonder if Noah’s Ark had made a stop here. Not only was there a huge population of living organisms on this road, but it was frequently only wide enough for either one car — or two oxen.

Through all of this, Solana kept up a steady stream of conversation. I learned that she left home at age seventeen, moved to Japan to become a highly paid exotic dancer, and while there, mastered the art of sushi making. As far as she knew, she was the only stripper/sushi chef Japan had ever seen.

“There’s something I haven’t told you, Ali Baba,” she coyly admitted. “What?” I asked, imagining the worst. “I forgot to mention that I need to make a pick-up when we arrive. No big thing. But we’ll have to leave again as soon as the sun rises.” “Where are we going?” “Oh, just to Tangier,” she tossed, “We’ll have fun.”

She softened her message with a wet juicy kiss. It was almost dark when we finally arrived at our mountain village destination. There was a strange stillness there, as if it were an abandoned set on a Hollywood back lot.

“There’s the house, just up ahead,” she said jubilantly. This was no house like I had ever seen, it was more like a Grand Palace. There was a fortress-like quality with high walls and, to my amazement, video surveillance cameras were all over the place. Before we were even out of the car, two uniformed, gun wielding guards popped out of the bushes. I was twitching and babbling, but Solana was as cool as the drink I wish I had. When the guards saw her face, they waved us on.

“You know these guys?!” I asked. “What the hell is going on here?!”

“They’re just a paranoid bunch. I’ll show you why.” The guards opened the huge iron gates and it was like we had just entered Shangri-La. We got out of the car and my jaw dropped. We were now inside the most beautiful courtyard one could ever imagine. Black marble floors, Mediterranean pink columns, a rainbow of fresh flowers, brightly colored tropical parrots, and flowing fountains. It was like a slice of life borrowed from the Taj Mahal. We were greeted by her friends, Raj and Pierre.

“Raj, Pierre, this is Matthew. Everyone calls him Ali Baba.” Pierre was a Parisian transplant. Raj was Pakistani. They were dressed like Arabian Princes in flowing, exquisite robes. Their command of the `King’s English’ was impeccable. After polite introductions and an exchange of small talk, they insisted we must be hungry from our long journey.

It was true, I was. Solana accepted graciously for us both. They led us through one long opulent corridor after another. I saw a gaggle of beautiful young veiled girls, in one of the gardens we passed. “I suppose that’s the Harem?” I whispered to Solana, but my hosts overheard me. “Yes,” Pierre answered, “Would you care to meet them after dinner?” My awkward twitch went off like clockwork. “Yes!” was all I could manage, perhaps a bit too enthusiastically.

Solana tossed me a jealous look. That surprised and intrigued me almost as much as the ladies in waiting.

Finally we arrived at a formal dining room. My olfactory senses were overcome with serendipitous aromas. Our hosts directed us to the oversized, satin and velvet, jewel-laden pillows. No sooner had we sat down, then we were being attended to by a palace servants appearing out of nowhere. Crystal goblets were filled with a rich and sweet alcoholic concoction made from figs and dates. Our appetites were enhanced by this offering of liquid ambrosia. I noticed the hand-carved low-set table before us was made of koa. Very unusual, considering that this rare and lavish wood is rarely seen outside the Hawaiian Islands.

The array of food was so spectacular. My mind was flummoxed by the sight of it. Phyllo pastries filled with unusual flavors such as squab, goat, and grouper, dusted with powdered sugar. Blinis topped with Beluga caviar, tempura-style lobster tails, foie gras gently sautéed, atop sweet juicy pear flesh, saffron-scented paella, and voluptuous yellow cherries, delighted our taste buds. The Horn of Plenty was sounding triumphantly. But nothing could prepare me for the main course…

Our hosts led us outside to a spectacular sight. A camel on an enormous spit was being rotated by a team of servants. We were tantalized by the revelation that this camel was stuffed with an ostrich, which was stuffed with a pig, and finally, stuffed with a baby lamb. Beat the hell out of any turducken. Anyway, thank God I was wasn’t a vegetarian. The feast went on into the night with belly dancers and musicians. However, the ultimate delight was yet to come.

Solana leaned over and whispered in my ear, “Tonight I’ll make you forget you ever saw those harem girls!”

When I awoke the next morning, after what felt like one of the `1001 Arabian Nights’, the bed was still warm, but Solana was nowhere to be found. However, a blushing young girl had drawn a bath for me in the huge green marble tub, sprinkled with rose petals. She was just drying me off when Solana burst into the room dismissing my charming lovely harem girl with a wave of her hand.

“Oh good, Ali Baba’s up!” she said, glancing south, “We must be leaving.” “Now?” I stammered, “…what about… breakfast?”

“I can’t believe you’re hungry after last night!”

“I’m always hungry,” I said, pulling her in for a kiss. She returned my affection, but it was obvious her mind was already on the road. “I packed some leftovers,” she revealed. “Oh, goodie!” I said, “Camel sandwiches?” I followed her through the corridors, amazed at how well she knew her way around. “Aren’t we going to say goodbye to our hosts?”

“They’re already gone,” she said, opening the door of the Cortina.

The drive down the mountain was filled with talk about the future, about fantasy, and family. It was as if I had known Solana my entire life. I had a wistful feeling I might be falling in love with this woman, experiencing that drunkenness of newborn caring and sharing. “Where do you see yourself in five years?” I asked. “I can’t even tell you where I’ll be in five days,” she answered with a hint of guilty satisfaction.

Her answer ricocheted around in my mind. On the one hand, Solana wasn’t the kind of girl you brought home to mom. To Dad, maybe. But not to Mom. On the other hand, I was captivated like I’d never been before. Struggling with these conflicting thoughts and feelings, my stomach intervened.

“Are you hungry?” I asked, meaning that I was. “Why don’t I pull over and extract some of those camel sandwiches you packed…” “No, I’ll get them,” she interrupted with a geisha-girl smile.

After a tin of tuna in olive oil with marinated carrots and onions, washed down with a bottle of vintage Burgundy that Raj and Pierre had given us, we felt compelled to make love right there on the mountain road. It’s a good thing there wasn’t much traffic.

We’d been back on the road for about two hours when I slammed on the brakes and swerved to avoid hitting a cat. I heard a terrible sound. I knew instantly what had happened. If you’ve never experienced a truly sinking feeling, losing your brakes on a steep mountain road will do it for you.

“Shit! We just lost our brakes,” I said, feeling a fit of achalasia coming on. “Oh God! You’re kidding!”

For the first time in the forty-eight hours that I’d known Solana, I saw panic cross her face. I wanted to reassure her, however, saving our lives took top priority. I down-shifted, slowing the car a bit, but we were clearly out of control. I tried swerving back and forth to slow us down. The emergency hand brake seemed like it would be our best bet, but when I yanked on it, it snapped. We were barreling down the mountain, terror pasted on our faces. The best meals of my life flashed before my eyes.

A crazed thought crossed my mind; Do I really want to die with a woman who sold me this lemon?

“Ali Baba, look!” she yelled, “there’s a van up ahead!” I wondered if I crashed into the van, if that would slow us down or send us both flying off the mountain? The image of a high-velocity, plunging descent to death was less than appealing. I began furiously flashing my lights and honking the horn. Wailing like a banshee, I screamed out the window. “Hey! No brakes! We’re out of control!” “Help!!” Solana yelled. I was glad she said it. Two things I don’t do; ask for directions and scream for help. The driver didn’t respond to our cries.

“Maybe they can’t hear us!” Solana said. She noticed a soccer team decal on the back window of the van. “They’re Italian!” “Oh great, order me a pepperoni,” I muttered. Solana hung out the window, and to my surprise, began screaming in fluent Italian. I don’t know what she said, but it worked. We whizzed by the van, while they gesticulated with that wonderfully expressive style. “What are they going to do?!” I asked.

“They’re going to try to get in front of us! Let’s hope they have their seat belts fastened.” In a very daring Grand Prix move, the Italians were able to get in front of us. We were coming up on a hair-pin turn and there was no way that I would be able to negotiate it. It was now or never. The Italian must have noticed this too because he slammed on his brakes. We went crashing into the van. With the back end of their van crumpled like a spent accordion, we coasted down the hill, kissing the rear bumper, and silently blessed everything Italian.

The Italians were as lucky to be alive as we were. Their daring and courageous stunt saved our lives. They were at their most macho; Solana and I, at our most thankful. We suddenly had a new Italian family, and so, naturally, we ate. They had prosciutto, bread, Reggiano, olives, and Pelligrino. We supplied the camel sandwiches.

After we broke bread, we sang Beatles songs and we danced. I took out my trusty harmonica and silently polled the group to see if they wanted to hear me play. Unable to speak Italian, I pointed to the heavens and declared, “Los Azules!” which was as close as I could come to saying “the Blues” in Italian.

The setting sun illuminating the sky reminded our Italian friends that they had a big soccer game the following morning. It was time for them to go. I saw Solana take them aside and, peeling off three thousand dollars, she offered to buy their van. Joyfully, the Italians accepted Solana’s overly generous offer, and hitched a ride with a passing ox cart. It was obvious from their facial expressions they felt they got a great deal as they waved, “Ciao!”

Solana walked back to where I was sitting, proudly dangling a set of keys. “We have wheels, Ali Baba,” she smiled. “Help me unload the Cortina, darling…”

“Solana, talk to me. What’s the deal here? You seduce me into buying a car that almost got us killed. You take me to some pleasure palace and before I even get to sniff the harem girls, you drag me outta there, and all this before a nutritious and filling breakfast! Now what the hell are you up to?”

Solana had begun dragging what were obviously very heavy suitcases out of the Cortina. “We had breakfast,” she defended.

“Look, let’s start with what’s in these three humongous suitcases. They weren’t in the car when we left Marrakesh, but they’re obviously here now!”

“I’ll explain everything when we get to Tangier,” she said kissing me softly on the neck. “I promise.”

“Darlin’, you may be the hottest ticket in town, but you really rip my knitting! Either come clean about everything right now, or it’s sayonara Solana!”

She paced, kicking a few prickly pears that had fallen from a cactus. I could sense she was struggling with what to do next. I silently hoped she wouldn’t call my bluff on the `sayonara’ line. Finally she spoke.

“Tell ya what, Ali Baba, I’ll buy back the Cortina for twice what you paid.”

“I just saw you put three grand into the Italian’s hands, and now you’re offering me four-hundred dollars for an undriveable car. What am I missing here?!”

Sighing heavily, she prepared herself for the moment of truth. “It’s like this, uh, I needed someone to make the trip up the mountain with me. A woman can’t travel alone safely in this country. I didn’t expect to take you inside the fortress, but you kinda grew on me. I had to pick up this stuff from Pierre and Raj, and it has to be hand-delivered to Tangier by Wednesday morning in order to get the rest of my money.”

“Let me see if I have this straight. You needed a male member of the species to escort you, and I just happened to be available. You make love to me, and tell me the story of your life as if we were going to walk down the aisle and maybe into the sunset. And now I’m aiding and abetting Mata Hari for the deal of the century! What d’ya have in there anyway, dope?!”

“Yes.”

“What?”

“Yes.”

“Yes, we made love and we’re going to walk somewhere together? or “yes” you’ve got three tons of dope in my car?!”

“Opium,” she offered. I felt my blood rush in a thousand directions. She looked so delicious and so deceptive in this moment. I didn’t know whether I wanted to punch her lights out, or rip her skirt off and have my way with her. Women!

Now it was my turn to pace. It was several minutes before my blood settled down to a reasonably slow boil so I could speak. “Solana, it’s possible that I’m in love with you. But I just don’t think I’m cut out for major league smuggling. I’m just a radio guy on vacation. Maybe we should say that it’s been great, but, you know… end it or something?”

“You really mean that?”

“Mean what?”

“The part about possibly being in love with me?”

“Possibly. I can’t think clearly right now.”

Solana handed me the money for the Cortina. “Why don’t you at least come with me to Tangier? We’ll sort it out there. I’ll show you a really great….”

“No! If we’re ending it, let’s end it here and now.”

“Matthew, is that really how you want it?”

“No… but that’s how it’s got to be.”

Solana knew I meant it. She didn’t say any more. She finished hauling her suitcases into the van. I couldn’t bring myself to help my beautiful pirate. She turned and gave me one last kiss. It went on forever and just about melted my determination. I knew my life wasn’t over, but I couldn’t imagine love ever being as sublime as it was with her.

I watched her drive off into the Moroccan sunset until I couldn’t even see the trail of dust. I began walking, trying to find a tiny corner of peace in the chaos that had become my mind. Did I do the right thing? Would it really have killed me to finish the journey? After all, I had been a part of it already. I was sure this wasn’t her first deal. I wondered how much money she would make. I imagined living with her in a villa on the Costa del Sol. What if she would’ve agreed to make this her last job? Could I have lived with that? Did I make a mistake not getting down on my knees and begging her to be my bride? Would any woman ever satisfy me as completely as she?

I was a mental basket case. Who was I kidding?! She had seduced me; and deceived me!

I was missing her already…

I don’t know how long I had walked before it occurred to me that it was dark and didn’t have the slightest idea where I was or where I was going. I heard a car in the distance coming toward me. I felt a twinge of fear sneak up my spine. This was not exactly the safest place for an American to be walking alone. I felt for the Swiss Army knife in my pocket. It was hardly a defense if anyone had genuinely wanted to give me a hard time. I was prepared to hand over the four hundred dollars Solana had just given me. Easy come, easy go.

A car’s headlights emerged from around a bend. I couldn’t make out much about the vehicle until it was alongside me. My heart leapt. I swallowed hard to keep it from jumping out of my throat.

“Solana…?” I said, with a croak in my voice that betrayed my attempt at casualness.

“I don’t have to be in Tangier until Wednesday morning,” Solana responded sweetly. “Yeah, so?”

“So, I thought I would make Ali Baba one last, unforgettable supper…”

Solana was the first girl who knew the way straight to my heart.

‘Twas The Night Before Christmas, Round II – Covid

Twas the night before Christmas, but Covid was here, so we all remained extra cautious this year.

Our masks are all hung by the chimney with care in case Santa forgets his and needs a spare.

With Covid, no cookies or cake, so we‘re leaving Santa hand sanitizer to take.

And children sleeping & dreaming, the brave little tots… The ones over 5 just received their first shots.

Maybe it’s time for a long Winter’s napwe‘ll toss and we‘ll turn all night in our beds, as visions of variants dance in our heads.

Gamma and Delta and now Omicron, the Covid mutations go on and on.

I thought to myself, “If this doesn’t get better, I’ll soon be familiar with every Greek letter.”

Then just as I started to drift off and doze a clatter of noise from the front lawn arose.

I leap from my bed and run straight down the stairs, open the door, an old gent standing there.

His N95 made him look pretty weird but I knew who he was by his red suit and beard.

I keep six feet away but blurt out quick “What are you doing here, jolly Saint Nick?”

Then I say, “Where are your presents, your reindeer and sleigh? Don’t you realize tomorrow’s Christmas Day?”

While Santa stood there looking sad in the snow, he started to tell me a long tale of woe.

He’s been stuck at the North Pole alone while his white collared elves had been working from home.

Most of the others said “Santa, don’t hire us! We’re not worth a damn, thanks to the virus.”

Those left in the toyshop had little to do, with supply chain disruptions, they’d make nothing new.

And as for the reindeer, they’d all gone away, none of them left to pull on the sleigh.

Santa said Dasher and Dancer were quarantined, while Prancer and Vixen refused the vaccine.

Comet and Cupid were in ICU, so were Donner and Blitzen, and they may not pull through.

And while Rudolph’s career can’t be resurrected, his shiny red nose, they all think he’s infected.

Even with his old sleigh, Santa couldn’t go very far, every border to cross needs a new PCR.

Santa, he sighed, as he told me how nice, if only children could again sit upon his knee.

He couldn’t care less if they’re naughty or nice, but they’d have to show proof that they’d had their shot twice.

But then the old twinkle returned to his eyes when he shared that he’d brought me a Christmas surprise.

When I unwrapped the box and opened it wide, starlight and rainbows streamed from inside.

Some letters whirled ’round and flew to the sky, and they spelled out a word that was 40 feet high.

There first was an H, then an O, then a P, then I saw it spelled HOPE when I added the E.

“Christmas magic” said Santa as he smiled through his beard. Then suddenly all of the reindeer magically appeared.

He jumped in his sleigh and he waved me good-bye, then soared over rooftops and into the sky.

I heard him exclaim as he drove out of sight, “Get your vaccines my friends, Merry Christmas, good-night.”

Then I went back to bed and had a sweet Christmas dream, of a world when we’re finished with Covid 19.

Matthew Gray is the Chef, Owner & Founder of Hawaii Food Tours. He’s a former food writer and Restaurant Reviewer, and a long-time talk-radio host and presenter. Matthew may be reached via email – Contact Matthew Gray — Matthew@HawaiiFoodTours.com

Matthew Gray Writes: Mickey D’s & Me

When I was a young boy I broke my leg while doing what I loved best, playing Little League baseball.  My father always said I was overly rambunctious.  He told my mother, “Maybe we should tie Matthew to the tree and let the dog run free!

My leg was severely broken and I was placed in traction. Due to hospital overcrowding, I shared a room with a frail elderly man who was suffering from a weakened heart.

He was lucky, I lamented, because his bed was next to the window.  He could look outside anytime he wanted to.

Every now and then, when the two of us would lie awake, Mr.Harrison would look out the window and describe to me what was happening outside.  There was a McDonald’s across the street.  We were on the third floor of the hospital, and from where I lay; all I could see was the sky.

Mr. Harrison was calling Life’s play-by-play for me, like the best baseball announcer who ever lived.  This went on for several days.  He had a bird’s-eye view and I was his captive audience.  He was a grandmaster, painting wondrous images with his words about the happy people below flowing in and out of McDonald’s double doors.

As the aroma memory of their famous fries and juicy burgers assaulted our senses, we devised a game to while away the hours.  He would describe the exiting customers; “A father and an eight year-old boy carrying two bags.”  Then I would guess what goodies were inside those bags.

Two cheeseburgers, one McRib, one large fries, one small fries, an apple pie, and two large Cokes.”  This game went on for hours and hours.

Mr. Harrison said the park bench outside McDonald’s reminded him of where he and Molly, his “bride of 60 years” would go to enjoy a “mighty fine chat and a cup of tea.”  I saw the twinkle in his eye when he consulted his heart.

He told me, quite wistfully, about his very first Big Mac at age 73.  “Went down real good,” he recalled.  “Molly unwrapped it and offered me the first bite.  That yummy sauce dribbled down my chin.  She loved to stuff those fries in between the bun and the meat.”

“I want to do that too!” I told Mr. Harrison.

Matthew, promise me you’ll get that leg better real soon and we’ll sit on that bench and have a Big Mac together, ok?”

And a chocolate shake too?”

You betcha, but it’s so darn hard to suck it up through the straw.  Makes an old man weary just thinking about it.”

Later that night, softly, suddenly, Mr. Harrison died; the victim of a final stroke.

I’ll never forget that great old man who kept me company, who entertained me day after day, for over a week of my young life.

Forty-five years have come and gone.  Every time I have a Big Mac I still stuff my fries inside the bun and think of Mr. Harrison.

Matthew Gray Writes: ☼ FRIENDS, FOOD, LAUGHTER, AND ALIGOT ☼

“Aligot?” “What the heck is aligot?” you ask…

It’s, quite simply, something you already love, and similar to something we all aspire to; the cheesiest, creamiest, smoothest and sexiest mashed potatoes of all time.

There’s a certain pomp and ceremony, and celebratory gusto, as our Maître D conjures up this most-luscious side-dish served at Ambassade d’Auvergne, table-side. A forgotten art (in lieu of the Almighty Buck), the whole tableside thing. Many of you remember Caesar salad, Bananas Foster, Cherries Jubilee, Crepes Suzette, and how wonderful that was. Well, aligot is done right before your eyes (just Google aligot to see) here, and it made the night that much more special.

Of course, being surrounded by loved ones doesn’t hurt either. Lin Kensington, my best gal, Sandra and Rene – two of the finest humans I know, from Rotterdam (who came down to Paris to see us; {I performed their Wedding ceremony on the beach in Honolulu on New Year’s Eve 2013, BTW): – lots more with them next week up in the Netherlands!)

Accompanying us are two more best friends, Paris-based Marcela and (Chef) Alfredo, the owners of my favorite restaurant in Paris, Restaurant Mariette (more on that later as well).

Marcela is from Colombia, Alfredo from Venezuela, who were our personal tour guides for much of our Parisian stay. They blow me away, these two. They speak multiple languages (there it is again, my language envy is showing), know everything about the history of Paris, and, not to mention, run a great restaurant, just the two of them. Alfredo’s food knowledge is second to none.

As long as Restaurant Mariette is operating, I will always go there when in Paris.

So, instead of boring you with too many words, I’ll simply caption a bunch of the photos, ok? Enjoy…

Sandra and Rene from Rotterdam
Sandra and Rene from Rotterdam

Chef Alfredo and Marcela
Chef Alfredo and Marcela

Lin with the Eiffel Tower in the background
Lin with the Eiffel Tower in the background

The City of Light blows my mind, every time.
The City of Light blows my mind, every time.

Alt=Me at the Lourve
Me at the Lourve

The Bar inside the Hotel de Lourve
The Bar inside the Hotel de Lourve

Lin and Marcela being beautiful and happy
Lin and Marcela being beautiful and happy

Marcela, Alfredo and Me
Marcela, Alfredo and Me

Chef Alfredo and Marcela
Chef Alfredo and Marcela

Restaurant Mariette, the best in Paris!
Restaurant Mariette, the best in Paris!

Restaurant Mariette, the best in Paris!
Restaurant Mariette, the best in Paris!

Restaurant Mariette, the best in Paris!
Restaurant Mariette, the best in Paris!

Restaurant Mariette, the best in Paris!
Restaurant Mariette, the best in Paris!

Lin at Restaurant Mariette, the best in Paris!
Lin at Restaurant Mariette, the best in Paris!

Me, at Restaurant Mariette, the best in Paris!
Me, at Restaurant Mariette, the best in Paris!

Marcela, giving me "the look!"
Marcela, giving me “the look!”

Matthew Gray Writes: Confessions of a WebMaster…

Wake up.  Get out of bed.  Get online.  Grind some coffee beans.  Check E-mail.  Pet the pussycat.  It’s another day in Paradise…

10:21 AM:  Stretch.  Another day at the crack of dawn.  My voicemail mocks me, while a dozen or so recorded messages reside in digital silence.  My email In-box is relatively quiet this morning; just 80 or so messages.  The “Post-It” note stuck onto my monitor tells me that my mom’s PC monitor (in L.A.) is flickering ceaselessly.  I call my travel agent and book passage to the West Coast.  Matthew to the rescue.

10:44 AM:  My second cup of French Roast brings me up to speed.  I’ve seen wading pools smaller than this java delivery system, however, all my synapses are firing.  That’s no small feat.  Ok, I log into NPR to listen to the news.  The audio quality sucks so I lean over and turn on a real radio.  Good news; no major disasters or world events have been recorded onto the global log file today, yet.

10:49 AM:  Several clients call to ask about their Web pages and when I’ll be finished.  If  multi-tasking is the cross-training for the nerd set, I am an Olympian.  I’ve got php on my left, cgi on my right.  I am Navigating, Exploring and Communicating in a large way.  HTML has been very, very good to me.

11:11 AM: Nothing’s happening, but since this is my favorite time of day, I programmed a very sexy female voice announcing the time from my computer speakers.  Three thousand bucks and you too can have a talking clock.

11:18 AM:  Can’t forget to exercise.  I install a new software program.  I jump… to conclusions.  I am spent.  Feel the burn.

11:56 AM:  Think about my radio show.  No guest is scheduled for this evening.  “Couldn’t we just play music instead of talking tonight?” I ask Lin.  She says “no” and tells me “to just be myself.”  That frightens me.

12:03 PM:  My tears are dry now.  I shall forge ahead.

12:04 PM:  Hunger sets in.  A good cry always whets my appetite.  Lunch is an egg-white omelet, cherry tomatoes, an orange, and a bottle of Yoo-Hoo.  Life is good.

1:01 PM:  Wake up from my nap.  Flirt with the idea of working for a living.  Wonder who would want to hire me; the convicted charmer, unwilling to do anything (except for my way), a guy who would rather go for the funny bone than the jugular, wears shorts and sandals, and is constantly chattering.

1:14 PM:  Check for snail mail.  More checks and money orders come in from our web site.  Am reminded why I always abandon those works of fiction, the job hunt.

1:30 PM:  Saunter into Lin’s office, offering her a No-Fat Fig Newton.  I’m feeling quite good about myself right about now.  Decide to take a shower first, then begin to undress.  I realize just a moment too late that she is speaking with our landlord.  Didn’t even see him.  Whoopsie!

1:51 PM:  Locked NASA out of our web site.  The feeling of power is immense.  I’ll never be an Astronaut.

2:27 PM:  Overlooking Diamond Head and the blue Pacific is such a blessing.  I keep track of all of those blessings.  I slave away, high-class at Gigablast-speeds. I’m scanning, FTP’ing, editing audio, speaking to the CEO of an ISP, and munching on a midafternoon PB&J.  I’ve caught the acronym virus and it’s spreading at a fever pitch.

3:39 PM:  My consulting work takes me to a local bank.  CyberCulture has entered into the realm of banking and it’s my responsibility to educate management and corporate types on Netiquette, secure on-line transactions, Web P.R. and other aspects of how the digerati do business.  The loan officer is reduced to mush by the wild meanderings of “Doom” — (is it a computer game or is it a designer drug?).  I walk out of there with one very important opinion; it’s a darn good thing our money is insured…

5:05 PM:   I shop for dinner. Tonight’s an “S” night. Salmon, spinach salad, sweet potatoes.  This alpha-numeric thing really makes shopping (and eating) an adventure.  WebMasters must eat smart.

7:00 PM:  A glass of wine while I put the finishing touches on the salmon.  My friend Bob, the software guy, and I, have been on the phone for an hour and a half.  He’s sending me files that his “friend” (from Hong Kong) gave him.  I ask no questions.  Bob offers no explanation.  We’re beta-testing long before the beta testers themselves.

7:39 PM:  My mom calls from L.A.  She is totally unimpressed that my web site is the busiest one in Hawaii and that it’s getting close to 10 Million Hits Per Month.  She says things like, “Internet shminternet, in my day you didn’t need a computer, you just used a pencil and paper.  It forced people to think.  My darling son, you are a shmendrick.”  I am reduced to a small webmaster puddle.  “Thanks for calling, mom” I struggle to speak, as I think to myself, “that VCR of yours is gonna blink <12:00> into eternity!”

8:08 PM:  Needing to comfort myself, I sit outside beneath the stars and consume the better part of a tin of Almond Roca candy.  That familiar pink can is a good friend.  Just wish they’d make it a different color, more of a guy color, ya know, instead of that pink?

8:46 PM:  Our friend Amber calls to invite us to watch her sing tonight.  She asks for quite possibly the thousandth time, “Um….what time is your radio show tonight?”  I answer with, “The same time tonight as it has been for THE PAST FOUR YEARS!!” Makes me wonder if she disconnected her brain modem.  I tell Amber, “Maybe we’ll come by after the show,” which, if you know me, means, um….well…, no.  I hang up with time for one more snack.

10:00 PM:  Time for the show…

How Much Food Do You Actually Need for Thanksgiving?

 

Thanksgiving should be about joy and abundance, and nothing is more joyful than an abundant amount of pie.

Running out of food has never been a problem at any Thanksgiving dinner I’ve ever attended. I’ve never seen it happen. But if this is your first year hosting or (thanks to the pandemic) you’ve simply forgotten how to plan a meal for more than four people, it’s nice to keep baseline minimums in mind, if only to quell your anxiety.

These minimums are, of course, only rough guidelines, and they suppose that your family likes and eats turkey, mashed potatoes, dressing, and all of the other Thanksgiving staples. But before we get to the food, let’s start with the most important menu item of all.

Wine

A single bottle of wine is enough for two people under normal circumstances. I’ve seen some Thanksgiving guides claim a bottle is enough for three, but this is a holiday, and people may want to drink a little more than usual. Don’t stand in their way.

If you’re only serving wine, and every single person at the table likes wine, I would err on the side of one to one and a half bottles per guest. If some of your guests are children, or you have a case of beer in play, you can safely drop it down to one bottle for every two guests. If you have a lot of beer in play, are dining with a bunch of non-drinkers, or have a guest who’s excited to debut the cocktail they crafted for this occasion, you can drop to one bottle for every three guests. I never follow my own advice here, though. I always overbuy the wine, and serve the “extras” at various holiday gatherings throughout the season.

Turkey

The weight you see printed on your turkey packaging includes the bones, giblets, and all sorts of connective tissue, so a 12-pound turkey is not going to provide 12 pounds of meat, so look at it this way: One pound of packaged turkey per meat-eating guest will leave you with no leftovers, one and a half pounds will leave you with some leftovers, and two pounds of turkey per guest will leave you with a healthy amount of leftovers.

That said, I do not recommend buying a turkey much larger than 14 pounds. Massive 20-pound birds take forever to cook—unless you break them down into pieces prior to cooking—and they’re even harder to cook well. You could buy two turkeys, but I’m a big fan of the supplemental hamthe supplemental duck, or—if you want to really blow everyone’s mind—the supplemental timpano. That way everyone gets to enjoy a little turkey, but they also get to experience variety.

Potatoes and yams

When shopping for Thanksgiving, I find it helps to think in terms of potatoes, rather than pounds. No matter what kind of potato dish I’m making—be it a simple mash or this scalloped yam dish—I look at the potatoes in front of me and ask “How many of these could I eat as part of a normal meal?” If I’m pondering Russets or large yams, I generally conclude that one potato or yam will suit, so I buy one per guest; if I’m looking at smaller Yukons or something similar, it’s two potatoes, so I buy two per guest.

This, in truth, is overkill. Though I am capable of eating a large baked potato when served with a simple protein and a single veggie on the side, that is not the reality on Thanksgiving. Buying one large Russet per person will (in most houses) result in at least some leftovers, and that’s a good thing.

Cranberry sauce

A quarter cup of cranberry sauce per person is a “normal” amount, but you could go so far as half a cup per person if your guests are big fans. A 12-ounce bag of cranberries will yield slightly over two cups of sauce, and a can of the jellied stuff boasts six servings. I usually serve one or two types of homemade sauce, plus a can of the jellied, and it is always too much for the seven or eight people I typically cook for. (I will never stop serving both types of cranberry sauce. A lot of people like both!)

Stuffing or dressing

No matter what you call it, a side of moist, seasoned bread is a must. Half of a cup per person is the bare minimum, but 3/4 of a cup ensures you have a little extra for stuffing waffles, leftover sandwiches, and the like. Most stuffing and dressing recipes makes about 10 cups of the stuff, so a single pan is plenty for most households.

Gravy

Half a cup of gravy per person will get you through the meal, but I always double that so there’s plenty for leftovers. I usually make the “extra” gravy a week or two in advance, label it “emergency gravy,” and pop it in the freezer.

Rolls

Do not, under any circumstances, buy fewer than two rolls per person. Everyone will eat at least one over the course of their meal, leaving each person with a single roll on which to build their leftover slider. For this reason, I buy two rolls per dinner guest, then an extra two for every person who will be enjoying leftovers at my home over the course of the weekend. That way, everyone gets to enjoy at least three leftover sliders.

Casseroles and other sides

You could serve nothing beyond what’s listed above and be totally fine. No one would leave hungry. But Thanksgiving is about excess, which is why there are always a few gratuitous side dishes—mostly casseroles. You do not need more than half a cup of sides total per person, and most standard Thanksgiving side dish recipes make 8-10 cups of food. This means one casserole would be enough for 16-20 people, so make as many or as few as you desire, based on your hunger for variety, and remember that your leftovers will increase exponentially with each additional side. That is, the more sides you make, the less turkey people will eat, and the more turkey you will have left over. Meaning you can make more turkey sliders.

Pie

Two pieces of pie per person is a reasonable amount of pie for Thanksgiving dinner, but make more if you wish to keep eating pie throughout the weekend. You can get about eight slices from a standard 9-inch pie, so plan accordingly. I do think that two pies is the bare minimum, even if you’re only serving yourself and your spouse. A single pumpkin pie is “enough” for four people, but Thanksgiving should be about joy and abundance, and nothing is more joyful than an abundant amount of pie.

Matthew Gray Writes: 20 best German foods

Königsberger klopse: A meatball by any other name is still a tasty treat. Click through the gallery for more photos of Germany’s most delicious dishes:

German food is rich, hearty and diverse. It’s comfort eating with high-quality, often locally sourced ingredients.

The cuisine of Germany has been shaped not only by the country’s agricultural traditions but by the many immigrants that have made the country home over the centuries.
It’s definitely more than a mere mix of beer, sauerkraut and sausage.
Today Germans appreciate well-prepared, well-served meals as much as they do a quick bite on the go. This is a country of food markets, beer gardens, wine festivals, food museums and high-end restaurants.
So: Haben sie hunger? Are you hungry now? Check out our list of 20 traditional German dishes that you need to try when you travel there.

1. Königsberger klopse
Named after the former East Prussian capital of Königsberg (now Kaliningrad in Russia), this tasty dish of meatballs in a creamy white sauce with capers is beloved by grandmothers and chefs alike.
The meatballs are traditionally made with minced veal, onion, eggs, anchovies, pepper and other spices. The sauce’s capers and lemon juice give this filling comfort food a surprisingly elegant finish.
In the German Democratic Republic, officials renamed the dish kochklopse (boiled meatballs) to avoid any reference to its namesake, which had been annexed by the Soviet Union. Today it’s possible to find königsberger klopse under their traditional name in most German restaurants, but they are especially popular in Berlin and Brandenburg.

2. Maultaschen

Maultaschen is especially popular in southern Germany.

Maultaschen from Swabia are a lot like ravioli but bigger. They are typically palm-sized, square pockets of dough with fillings that run the gamut from savory to sweet and meaty to vegetarian.

A traditional combination is minced meat, bread crumbs, onions and spinach — all seasoned with salt, pepper and parsley. They’re often simmered and served with broth instead of sauce for a tender, creamier treat, but are sometimes pan-fried and buttered for extra richness.
Today you can find maultaschen all over Germany (even frozen in supermarkets) but they’re most common in the south.

Here the delicious dumplings have become so important that in 2009, the European Union recognized Maultaschen as a regional specialty and marked the dish as significant to the cultural heritage of the state of Baden-Württemberg.

3. Labskaus
Labskaus is not the most visually appealing dish, but a delectable mess that represents the seafaring traditions of northern Germany like no other. In the 18th and 19th centuries, ship provisions were mostly preserved fare, and the pink slop of labskaus was a delicious way of preparing them.
Salted beef, onions, potatoes and pickled beetroot are all mashed up like porridge and served with pickled gherkins and rollmops (see below). It has long been a favorite of Baltic and North Sea sailors.
Today the dish is served all over northern Germany, but especially in Bremen, Kiel and Hamburg. And while on modern ships fridges have been installed, it remains popular as a hangover cure.

4. Sausages

Of course sausages make the cut!

There is no Germany without sausages.

There are countless cured, smoked and other varieties available across wurst-loving Germany, so, for this list we will focus on some of the best German street food: bratwurst, or fried sausages.

There are more than 40 varieties of German bratwurst. Fried on a barbecue or in the pan, and then served in a white bread roll with mustard on the go, or with potato salad or sauerkraut as the perfect accompaniment for German beer.

Some of the most common bratwurst are:
— Fränkische bratwurst from Fraconia with marjoram as a characteristic ingredient.
— Nürnberger rostbratwurst that is small in size and mostly comes from the grill.
— Thüringer rostbratwurst from Thuringia, which is quite spicy. Thuringia is also the home of the first German bratwurst museum, which opened in 2006.

The most popular incarnation of bratwurst, however, is the next item on our list.

5. Currywurst
Practically synonymous with German cuisine since 1945, currywurst is commonly attributed to Herta Heuwer, a Berlin woman who in 1949 managed to obtain ketchup and curry powder from British soldiers, mixed them up and served the result over grilled sausage, instantly creating a German street food classic.

Today boiled and fried sausages are used, and currywurst remains one of the most popular sausage-based street foods in Germany, especially in Berlin, Cologne and the Rhine-Ruhr, where it’s usually served with chips and ketchup or mayonnaise or a bread roll.

Not the most sophisticated of dishes, but a filling street snack born out of necessity about which all of Germany is still mad: some 800 million are consumed a year.

6. Döner kebab
Döner kebab was introduced to Germany by Turkish immigrant workers coming here in the 1960s and ’70s. One of the earliest street sellers was Kadir Nurman, who started offering döner kebab sandwiches at West Berlin’s Zoo Station in 1972, from the where the dish first took both West and East Berlin by storm and then the rest of Germany.

From its humble Berlin beginnings when a döner kebab only contained meat, onions and a bit of salad, it developed into a dish with abundant salad, vegetables (sometimes grilled), and a selection of sauces from which to choose.

Veal and chicken spits are widely used as is the ever-popular lamb, while vegetarian and vegan versions are becoming increasingly common.

7. Schnitzel

German? Austrian? Italian? Whatever the origins, schnitzel is wildly popular.

Some might argue that schnitzel is Austrian and not German, but its origins are actually Italian.

This controversy hasn’t stopped the breaded and fried meat cutlets to become popular everywhere in Germany, however. While the Austrian or Vienna schnitzel is by law only made with veal, the German version is made with tenderized pork or turkey and has become a staple of most traditional restaurants.
Whereas Vienna schnitzel is served plain, Germans love to ladle a variety of sauces over their schnitzel. Jägerschnitzel comes with mushroom sauce, zigeunerschnitzel with bell pepper sauce and rahmschnitzel is served with a creamy sauce.

All go well with fried potatoes and cold lager or a Franconian apple wine.

8. Käsespätzle
Spätzle originally come from Baden-Württemberg. Essentially a sort of pasta, the noodles are a simple combination of eggs, flour, salt and often a splash of fizzy water to fluff up the dough. Traditionally served as a side to meat dishes or dropped into soups, it can be spiced up by adding cheese: the käsespätzle variant is an extremely popular dish in southern Germany, especially Swabia, Bavaria and the Allgäu region.

Hot spätzle and grated granular cheese are layered alternately and are finally decorated with fried onions. After adding each layer, the käsespätzle will be put into the oven to avoid cooling off and to ensure melting of cheese. Käsespätzle is a popular menu item in beer gardens in summer and cozy Munich pubs in winter.

9. Rouladen
Rouladen is a delicious blend of bacon, onions, mustard and pickles wrapped together in sliced beef or veal. Vegetarian and other meat options are also now widely available but the real deal is rinderrouladen (beef rouladen), a popular dish in western Germany and the Rhine region.
This is a staple of family dinners and special occasions. They are usually served with potato dumplings, mashed potatoes and pickled red cabbage. A red wine gravy is an absolute requirement to round off the dish.

10. Sauerbraten
Sauerbraten is regarded as one Germany’s national dishes and there are several regional variations in Franconia, Thuringia, Rhineland, Saarland, Silesia and Swabia.
This pot roast takes quite a while to prepare, but the results, often served as Sunday family dinner, are truly worth the work. Sauerbraten (literally “sour roast”) is traditionally prepared with horse meat, but these days beef and venison are increasingly used.

Before cooking, the meat is marinated for several days in a mixture of red wine vinegar, herbs and spices. Drowned in a dark gravy made with beetroot sugar sauce and rye bread to balance the sour taste of the vinegar, sauerbraten is then traditionally served with red cabbage, potato dumplings or boiled potatoes.

11. Himmel un ääd
This is another messy and not necessarily optically appealing dish, but nevertheless definitely worth trying. Himmel und erde, or himmel un ääd in Cologne (both mean “Heaven and Earth”) is popular in the Rhineland, Westphalia and Lower Saxony. The dish consists of black pudding, fried onions and mashed potatoes with apple sauce.

It has been around since the 18th century, and these days is a beloved staple of the many Kölsch breweries and beer halls in Cologne, where it goes perfectly well with a glass or three of the popular beer.

Monschau Altstadt: Rows of timber houses (some 300 years old), elegant restaurants and charming boutiques give the historic center of this western resort town its storybook whimsy.

12. Zwiebelkuchen and federweisser
October is the month to taste the first wines of the year in Germany, and a well-known culinary treat in the south is federweisser und zwiebelkuchen (partially fermented young white wine and onion tart).
Federweisser literally means “feather white” and is made by adding yeast to grapes, allowing fermentation to proceed rapidly. Once the alcohol level reaches 4%, federweisser is sold. It is mostly enjoyed near where it is produced. Because of the fast fermentation, it needs to be consumed within a couple days of being bottled. In addition, the high levels of carbonation means that it cannot be bottled and transported in airtight containers.

In most towns and cities along the Mosel River, people flock to marketplaces and wine gardens in early October to sip a glass of federweisser and feast crispy, freshly made onion tarts called zwiebelkuchen. Because of its light and sweet taste, it pairs well with the savory, warm onion cake.

13. Saumagen
World politics in a pig’s stomach. Saumagen was made famous by German Chancellor Helmut Kohl, who (like the dish) hailed from the Palatinate. Kohl loved saumagen and served it to visiting dignitaries including Margaret Thatcher, Mikhail Gorbachev, Ronald Reagan and Bill Clinton.

The literal translation of this dish is “sow’s stomach,” but saumagen is a lot less curious than its name implies.

Somewhat resembling
Scottish haggis, it is prepared by using the stomach of a pig (or an artificial one) as a casing for the stuffing made from pork, potatoes, carrots, onions, marjoram, nutmeg and white pepper.

It is then sliced and pan-fried or roasted in the oven, and, as Kohl knew, goes down perfectly well with sauerkraut, mashed potatoes and a dry white wine from the Palatinate.

14. Pinkel mit grünkohl
Pinkel mit grünkohl, or cooked kale and sausage, is a delicious winter comfort food eaten mainly in northwest Germany, especially the region around Oldenburg, Bremen and Osnabrück as well as East Frisia and Friesland.

The cooked kale is mixed with mustard and bacon, and the “pinkel” sausage (named after the pinky) is made of bacon, groats of oats or barley, beef suet, pig lard, onions, and salt and pepper.
Germans sometimes celebrate winter with a traditional so-called “Grünkohlfahrt,” where family and friends go on a brisk hike accompanied by schnapps and finished off with a warm kale dinner in a country inn.

15. Spargel
Germans are mad about white asparagus. As soon as harvest time arrives around mid-April, asparagus dishes appear on the menus of restaurants all over Germany, from Flensburg to Munich and Aachen to Frankfurt.

This is spargelzeit, the time of the asparagus, and it is celebrated with passion. During spargelzeit, the average German eats asparagus at least once a day. This adds up to a national total of over 70,000 tons of asparagus consumed per year.

No one can truly say where this fixation with white asparagus comes from, but the first document that mentions the cultivation of this vegetable around the city of Stuttgart dates to the 1686. There are spargel festivals, a spargel route in Baden-Württemberg and countless stalls along the roads of Germany selling the “white gold.”

In restaurants,
asparagus is boiled or steamed and served with hollandaise sauce, melted butter or olive oil. It comes wrapped in bacon or heaped upon schnitzel; as asparagus soup, fried asparagus, pancakes with herbs and asparagus, asparagus with scrambled eggs or asparagus with young potatoes. There is an audible sigh all over Germany when spargelzeit ends on June 24, St. John the Baptist Day.

16. Reibekuchen
Fried potato pancakes are so popular in Germany that we have more than 40 names for them. They are known as reibekuchen, kartoffelpuffer, reibeplätzchen, reiberdatschi, grumbeerpannekuche and so on and so on.

Another quintessential German comfort and street food, reibekuchen are often served with apple sauce, on black pumpernickel rye bread or with treacle (a type of syrup).

They’re popular all year around: in Cologne and the Rhineland they are beloved of revelers during the Karneval festivities in spring, and all German Christmas markets have reibekuchen vendors where hundreds of litres of potato dough are being processed every day during the holiday season.

The bread business: Baking is serious business in Germany. The country even has an Institute for Bread.

17. Rollmops
Rollmöpse (plural) are cooked or fried and then pickled herring fillets, rolled around a savory filling like a pickled gherkin or green olive with pimento, and have been served on the coasts since medieval times.

Becoming popular during the early 19th century when the long-range train network allowed pickled food to be transported, Rollmöpse have been a staple snack on German tables ever since.
Rollmöpse are usually bought ready-to-eat in jars and are eaten straight, without unrolling, or on bread and sometimes with labskaus (see above). And like labskaus, they are commonly served as part of the German katerfrühstück or hangover breakfast.

18. Schwarzwälder kirschtorte
Germany has a vast variety of cakes, but among the most popular is the Schwarzwälder kirschtorte or Black Forest gateau.

The cake is not named after the Black Forest mountain range in southwestern Germany, but the speciality liquor of that region, Schwarzwälder kirsch, distilled from tart cherries.
Allegedly created by Josef Keller in 1915 at Café Agner in Bonn in the Rhineland, it typically consists of several layers of chocolate sponge cake sandwiched with whipped cream and sour cherries, and then drizzled with kirschwasser. It is decorated with additional whipped cream, maraschino cherries and chocolate shavings.

Its popularity in Germany grew quickly and steadily after World War II, and it’s during this period that the kirschtorte starts appearing in other countries too, particularly on the British Isles.
Whatever the reason for its success, it is both perfect for kaffee und kuchen in a German cafe on a Sunday afternoon as well as dessert.

19. Käsekuchen
There are rarely any strawberries in German cheesecake (or any other fruits for that matter), and the base is surely not made from crackers but freshly made dough (or even without base, like in the East Prussian version).

The filling is made with low-fat quark instead of cream cheese and egg foam is added to give it more fluff, plus lemon and vanilla for some extra freshness.

Maybe this purity and the focus on a handful of ingredients is why a version of cheesecake exits in almost every region of Germany: there’s käsekuchen, quarkkuchen, matzkuchen and even topfenkuchen in Austria.

Wherever you try it, you can be sure that it is the perfect treat with some added fresh cream and a hot cup of coffee.

20. Spaghettieis
This dessert is another immigrant legacy and is popular with German children.

Spaghettieis is an ice cream dish made to look like a plate of spaghetti. Vanilla ice cream is pressed through a modified noodle press or potato ricer, giving it the appearance of spaghetti. It is then placed over whipped cream and topped with strawberry sauce representing the tomato sauce and white chocolate shavings for the parmesan.

Besides the usual dish with strawberry sauce, there are also variations with dark chocolate ice cream and nuts available, resembling spaghetti carbonara instead of spaghetti bolognese.

Spaghetti ice cream was invented in 1969 by Dario Fontanella, son of an ice cream-making Italian immigrant in Mannheim, Germany. Thankfully for us and perhaps unfortunately for Dario, he didn’t patent his spaghetti ice cream and it is today available at almost every ice cream parlor anywhere in Germany.
Dario did, however, receive the “Bloomaulorden,” a medal bestowed by the city of Mannheim, for his culinary services in 2014.

Matthew Gray is the Chef, Owner & Founder of Hawaii Food Tours. He’s a former food writer and Restaurant Reviewer, and a long-time talk-radio host and presenter. Matthew may be reached via emailContact Matthew Gray — Matthew@HawaiiFoodTours.com

Matthew Gray Writes: Everything You Need To Know About Dried Mexican Chiles

By Chef Matthew Gray…

One of my very favorite authorities on all-things-chile is Olerico.comthey sent me a wonderful Chile Care Package when they learned I was outfitting hotel kitchens around the United States. If you need any chile products, recipes or information, Olerico is a spicy-fine destination. Muchas Gracias, friends!

When you think of Mexican chiles, you likely first conjure up the fresh, spicy green kinds such as jalapeños, serranos, and poblanos. Dried chiles, which often occupy an entire wall at Mexican markets, are the cuisine’s true workhorses.

Fresh peppers are great for adding color, crunch, and heat to a dish, but it’s the dried versions that offer the most surprising and complex flavors, from smoky to spicy, to citrusy, chocolaty, earthy, and mushroomy. They range from punishingly spicy to sweet and pruney, and the colors from bright, orangey-red to deep purple-black.

In Mexican cuisine, it’s traditional to use combinations of chiles to make salsas and adobos (a generic term for a paste made with reconstituted and puréed dried chiles), the latter of which can be stirred into braising liquids, soup broths, masa for tortillas, and marinades.

The variety and at-times opaque naming conventions of Mexico’s dried chiles can get overwhelming—dozens to choose from; sometimes named after their fresh counterparts, sometimes not—but all it takes is a little experimentation. Here’s a guide to help you shop for them and make the most of them in your kitchen.

Red chiles bring tropical fruit flavors, pleasant acidity, and vary in heat level—the smaller, the hotter.

Dried chiles can be roughly organized into two camps: red and dark. Red chiles (which can range from bright orange-red to deep maroon) will likely have tropical fruit flavors, good acidity, and varying degrees of spice (when in doubt, smaller chiles tend to be hotter). They pair best with white meats such as poultry, pork, and fish. Dark chiles, which range from rusty red to dark plum, are typically chewy and sweet with flavors of dried raisins and prunes and are used mostly for color (as in moles). These pair best with dark meats like beef or duck. Dried black chiles, which have a sweeter, earthier flavor, pair best with dark meats like beef or duck.

How to Prepare Dried Chiles
Many dried chiles have thick, bitter, or spicy seeds; remove them to make smooth, balanced purées and have more control over the heat. To dislodge seeds, snap off the stems or split the flesh lengthwise with a paring knife, then shake or scrape away the seeds.

Soak Always, Fry Sometimes — Chile Puree

Skip grainy chile powder for lush chile puree; dried chiles have tough skins and need to soak in boiling water for about 20 minutes before they can be broken down in a blender to release their full flavor. An optional step to take beforehand: fry them in a thin layer of vegetable oil for 30 seconds to bring out their full color and brightest flavors, much like toasting spices in a pan before grinding them.

Types of Red Chiles
Red chiles typically have bright colors, tropical fruit flavors, a good amount of acidity, and varying degrees of spice. They pair best with poultry, fish, and other light or lean meats. These are ranked from mildest to hottest.

Guajillo
Guajillo: Bright red, large and skinny, tough skins, sweet but with some acidity, relatively mild heat.

One of the most common chiles in the Mexican pantry with a crowd-pleasing flavor—a mix of earthy and sweet, and typically little to no heat. They’re large, so a few go a long way to add body to adobos, stews, and sauces.

Guajillos combine well with other chiles and tomatoes without overpowering them with spice or smokiness. Because of their thin but tough skins, they need about 20 to 25 minutes of soaking time in boiling water when reconstituting from dried.

Puya
Puya: Similar to guajillos but smaller and spicier, earthy, fruity but with some acidity, medium heat.

The puya is basically a smaller, spicier version of the guajillo. They’re bright red with thin but tough skins, and because they’re quite dry, they take well to toasting. Once they’re toasted, you can cool them and grind them into a chili powder for sprinkling onto foods to add a dose of heat, or add them to stews, braises, and sauces like you would with guajillos. Just add them a little at a time and taste so as not to overdo it.

Chipotle
Chipotle: Medium sized, tough skinned, smoky, medium heat.

The chipotle is actually a smoked, dried version of one of Mexico’s most common fresh chiles, the jalapeño. They’re red because they are picked at the end of the ripening process, but the smoking and drying process can turn some chipotles an ashy, brown-tan color.

Chipotles have a medium heat, and are known for their distinct smokiness and earthy flavor. By simply soaking chipotles in boiling water, then blending with a few tomatillos, you can have a simple, medium-heat salsa to dip your chips in.

Chiles de Arbol
Chiles de Arbol: Small, nutty, earthy, very spicy.

The árbol is a versatile chile. It goes with everything, and its flavor changes depending on how it is handled—toasting and frying it before soaking it, for example, intensifies its heat and nutty qualities. However you use it, this slender fruit packs a big punch in both spice and earthiness. Look for chiles de árbol with stems (rather than crushed or preground) for the best flavor.

Pequin
Pequin: Tiny, a little smoky, a little fruity, very spicy.

Also called the bird chile, pequins are tiny little chiles that will shock you with their heat. They are great for sharp, spicy salsas and hot sauces, combined with vinegar or tomatoes to tame some of the heat and add sweetness.

Morita
Morita: Petite, smoky, sweet dried fruit flavors, medium to high heat.

Small but substantial chiles that are great to have on hand. They add both smokiness and a decent amount of heat to salsas and sauces. Because of their dried fruit–like sweetness and heat, they fall somewhere between dark and red chiles and are often added to dark moles such as mole poblano or Oaxacan-style moles to add a little heat without taking away from the dark color of the mole.

Types of Dark Chiles
Dark chiles, which can take on tones of deep purple or jet-black, tend to be thicker, chewier, and moister than red chiles, with the sweet ripe flavors of raisins and prunes. Most aren’t that spicy—they’re used more for their color, sweetness, and sometimes smokiness. These are ranked from mildest to spiciest.

Chiles Negros
Chiles Negros: Large and long, with earthiness, mellow dried fruit flavors (raisins, prunes), mild heat.

This chile is very dark, nearly black, and is used frequently in making mole negros. The chile negro is used and loved more for its color than for its flavor since its taste and heat level are relatively mild. Keep an eye out for aliases: pasillas negros, pasilla chiles, or chiles Oaxacas.

Mulato
Mulato: Sweet, lightly smoky, dried fruit flavors.

Mulatos, like anchos, are a relative of the poblano chile, and have a similar smoky-sweet profile, especially when charred. However, they are darker than anchos with a brownish-purple tinge.

Mulatos are thick, meaty chiles, so they make a great addition to moles, pozoles, and other dishes where they can be blended into adobo or thick paste to add body, intense ripe fruit flavors, and dark colors to a dish.

Cascabel
Cascabel: Round, tropical, fruity (dried apricots, dried apples), relatively mild heat.

The cascabel (pronounced “kas-ka-bell”) is a round, hollow chile, and its name comes from the Spanish word for rattle (it is shaped like the end of
a rattlesnake’s tail, and the seeds noisily rattle around inside the dried chile when it is shaken).

What it lacks in heat it makes up in strong aromas and an intense fruity sweetness reminiscent of tropical fruit. A great choice for when you want a chile with flavor but not much heat.

Ancho
Ancho: Ripe fruit flavors, lightly smoky, mildly spicy.

The ancho is a poblano chile that has been ripened to a deep red, then picked and dried. Its spice level fluctuates depending on the individual chile, but in general, the ancho has mild to moderate heat.

Anchos are particularly good for marinating meats as part of an adobo (chile paste), or you can stir some ancho adobo into masa to give a small kick of heat and beautiful dark red color.

Pasilla
Pasilla: Complex, dried fruits (raisins, prunes), medium heat.

The pasilla is named after the word for raisins (pasas) on account of its deeply sweet dried fruit flavors and wrinkly, dark appearance. Compared to the ancho, the pasilla’s texture is a bit tougher, and its heat more intense. They are combined with chiles mulatos and a few dried red chiles in Oaxacan-style moles to create a perfect blend of color, sweetness, and a little spice.

Matthew Gray is the Chef, Owner & Founder of Hawaii Food Tours. He’s a former food writer and Restaurant Reviewer, and a long-time talk-radio host and presenter. Matthew may be reached via emailContact Matthew Gray — Matthew@HawaiiFoodTours.com

Matthew Gray Writes: ☼ Comfort Food & a Malasada recipe ☼

Local-style "Plate Lunch"

☼ Comfort Food & a Malasada recipe ☼

☼ The daymalasada-on-plates and nights are getting colder, rainier, snowier. We all seek the love and warmth and closeness that special people share with us.

Another important factor, of course, is the love that comfort food provides. I’m including my recipe for the famous Portuguese doughnut called the “malasada” famous here in Hawaii. It’s a very special piece of the puzzle on our Hawaii Food Tours each and every day.

It’s a super easy recipe, fun to eat, perfect for the Holidays, and all those days in-between.

The picture of the “Malasada Baby” doll is from the famalasada_babymous bakery Leonard’s based here in Honolulu, but be sure NOT to mistake it for a real malasada. {It’s cute, but definitely NOT edible!} – Ain’t no fun biting into plush, believe me.  {I have been known to take some ill-advised dares in my day, but I digress…}.

Anywho, enjoy this, and share a pic if you do happen to make them in your own kitchen, ok? Or pics of anything you are proud of, that’s luscious, or interesting.

I’ll be standing by here in Honolulu, wishing I could be breaking bread with you…

Until Then…

malasada_recipe

Matthew-in-Hawaii

Matthew Gray Writes: What A Fucked Up Year – 2021 in Review

Serving as a catharsis (for me), a throwback (quite in vogue nowadays) and a caption contest (for you!), I invite you to read on…

In a year, a very fucked-up year, of loved ones lost, political and racial turmoil, lockdowns, of in-person friendships becoming distant memories, my beloved 16-year old business Hawaii Food Tours crashing and burning, and God knows only what else, a mere sliver/glimmer of hope teases.

{To carry on, sigh, it seems so fruitless, however, it’s the only thing to do when Life renders you a mere spectator.}

In the first photograph (taken tonight, 9 December, 2021) you see a McRib sandwich (the Bigfoot of the Fast Food industry) making its long and storied comeback.

The way the Media has covered the return of the McRib has been a hoot. It’s not Trump, it ain’t Covid, and it’s not racially charged. Oh joy, what a relief to those on the beat, and for you and me!

Adding to that, the divine porcine through-line, Yours Truly, just manhandled said McRib with a Napa Chardonnay.

Oh, and being a nice Jewish boy, on the eve of Hanukkah, can you dig the irony?

In this photograph, …taken in March 2014, is something I caught both shit and shinola for…

In it you see a Filet ‘O Fish sandwich and a bottle of Dom Perignon.

Aside from the astute genius of this pairing, and the McDonald’s relationship and juxtaposition, what else do you see?

What would you care to contribute? Do you wish to communicate? The time is now.

I will, just to gild the lily, share with you that all of my personalities (dual identities, multiple personalities, consider the possibilities!) love you 💗

Now then, what say you, my friend?

By Matthew Gray
Matthew@HawaiiFoodTours.com
Matthew@UltimateEatersGuide.com

2021… Yuck, what a year…

Don’t do bad things. Don’t steal my stuff. I have great attorneys. Mean, fierce types. Grrrr…

Matthew Gray Writes: Underground Music

One of the very cool aspects of travel are the (strolling, standing, sitting) musicians you see throughout the public transport systems, especially in the New York Subway, London Underground and the Paris Metro.

Many of the musicians are, of course, hoping to earn a bit of money (earning their entire living perhaps) while playing their instruments, with their guitar cases (violin cases, an old hat, a paper cup, whatever) prominently displayed to drop a bit of coin into, if you appreciate what they’re playing.

I especially enjoy the Parisian musicians because they’ll hop aboard the Metro with a beat box and amp (skillfully rolled around on a small stand-up shopping cart), playing their hearts out, while the world around them simply endeavors to get to their destination.

For me, though, observing this melodic and harmonious behavior, is poignant. A nice young man played a beautiful saxophone
last night on our way to the Eiffel Tower. It was an emotional, sexy and soulful train ride.

Consider this: Every day these creative and melodic people play the soundtrack of our life’s journey. And that is something I am thankful for…

♥ Matthew Gray Writes: Girlfriend Goes Boom ♥

Usually, we’re self-described “mellow truckers” and rarely dress-up when going out. Yes, I love my spectacular necktie collection, but aside from that we really lean to the casual. But this was no ordinary evening, no-no.

Lin, who usually wears slippers/sandals, decided to wear high heels and,oh dear, whoopsie, falls down the stairs!

It sounded like“slip, knock, girly-twirly, kerplunk, wardrobe malfunction, ouch, thwack, bang, blonde-goes-boom”, and other various and sundry freak-outs.

Upon witnessing this, I rushed (“to her side” wouldn’t be accurate) *down to the ground* and said something like, “Whoa…shit, baby, are you okay?” but my query was met with a pregnant pause.

Just as my concern began to build she looks up (and around, to see who saw this) and totally busts up, laughing hysterically, elated that nothing was bruised or broken, beyond her pride.

So then, what do you do when someone falls without hurting themselves? You laugh along, of course. I picked her up and dusted her off while she regained her composure.

My graceful little angel.

Matthew Gray Writes: Girlfriend Goes Boom

Usually, we’re self-described “mellow truckers” and rarely dress-up when going out. Yes, I love my spectacular necktie collection, but aside from that we really lean to the casual. But this was no ordinary evening, no-no.

Lin, who usually wears slippers/sandals, decided to wear high heels and,oh dear, whoopsie, falls down the stairs!

It sounded like“slip, knock, girly-twirly, kerplunk, wardrobe malfunction, ouch, thwack, bang, blonde-goes-boom”, and other various and sundry freak-outs.

Upon witnessing this, I rushed (“to her side” wouldn’t be accurate) *down to the ground* and said something like, “Whoa…shit, baby, are you okay?” but my query was met with a pregnant pause.

Just as my concern began to build she looks up (and around, to see who saw this) and totally busts up, laughing hysterically, elated that nothing was bruised or broken, beyond her pride.

So then, what do you do when someone falls without hurting themselves? You laugh along, of course. I picked her up and dusted her off while she regained her composure.

My graceful little angel.

Matthew Gray Writes: Pennies From Heaven

Today, while walking across an open, grassy park, I became excited as my hand swooped toward the ground like a hawk attacking its prey. I picked up half of a $5 bill.

(*Sidenote; I’ve always found money. Most recently in Denver. But one time, while driving down Ventura Boulevard in Los Angeles, I saw an ATM machine with bills being spit-out, so I rather gingerly slammed-on my brakes, ran over to the machine and, yowsa, almost $200, apparently free for the taking. This all before I adopted ethics or morality into my life).

I did it, I digressed, … Anyway, back to today, I continued to walk around looking for the other half of the fiver but thought to myself it would be impossible to find it on such a windy day. As I lifted my head, I spotted the other half of the bill tangled in the ivy beneath the avocado tree.
Somehow, finding two halves of a ripped $5 bill felt better than working for a fifty.

Matthew Gray Writes: Why It’s Rude to Text “OK”

We here at Hawaii Food Tours think that food is always the answer, however, many of you would not agree. Therefore we believe that any and all topics are open to discussion. Here’s one, about texting… Are you OK with that?

If someone asks you a question online or over text, do not respond with “OK.” or “Yes.” You might use “sure” or “yep” without punctuation; you should probably add an exclamation mark. Otherwise you might sound passive aggressive, dismissive, or angry. There’s a good reason for this.

While I thought everyone knew this by now, at least one New York Times reader needed to be told. Advice columnist Caity Weaver explained that replying with “O.K.” or “K” could come across as rude, and recommended “kk” or “O.K.!” But why?

In person, when you want to say something politely, you say it less efficiently. You “make an extra effort,” says linguist Gretchen McCulloch in her book Because Internet, “using hedges, honorifics, or simply more words: ‘Doctor, could I possibly trouble you to open the window?’ versus ‘Open the window!’” Online, you do the same, with different tactics.

One of those, writes McCulloch, is the exclamation mark. In 2014, the Onion established that only a “stone-hearted ice witch” would send a “great to see you” email with zero exclamation marks. A recent popular Instagram post makes the same point via Baby Yoda screenshot. The necessity of the exclamation mark has carried over to texts, chat, and Slack.

Another tactic I’ve used is to replace “yes” with “yep,” or “sure” with “sure thing”—using the casual form of a word to sound less like an android or a cop. Not too far, or the sincerity starts sounding like sarcasm—but pay attention to the ways you say yes in person, and try to imitate those in your messages. You’ll probably notice you use more words in person than you thought, even to say “yes.”

No one likes a chatty Cathy, especially when the conversation is happening on your phone, demanding

These tiny choices matter when you’re sending tiny messages. In a longer message, you have more options for communicating tone of voice, especially in the actual words you use. In a stock message like “yes,” you have very little room to indicate tone.

In person, you use more words, but you also—consciously or not—deliver everything with a tone of voice, facial expression, and body language. If you were to let your face go slack, stand stock still, and say “Yes.” in a tone of finality, it’d be fair to assume that you were being intentionally unfriendly.

Same goes online. If you do want to express blank disdain to someone online, you write formally, use a period to add finality to your words, or make your words as low-effort as possible, to signify you want to waste zero time on this interaction. (Watch people arguing on social media some time.) If you don’t want to sound disdainful, be about 50% nicer than you think you need to.

Weaver writes half-jokingly in her column, “As a woman, I maintain a bustling control center behind my thoughts where everything said to me is parsed for evidence of impending physical threats.” This is true of everyone to some extent: We’re all scanning communication for a potential threat, if only emotional. So if your message can be read as threatening or cold, it will be. (The solo letter “k” is a famously dismissive reply to anything stupid.) To avoid that, inject some warmth.

These customs change over time and across populations. You probably know someone who overdoes the multiple exclamation marks. (It happens all the time in company-wide emails from HR, or other departments that really really need to sound friendly to everyone all the time.) You might find a community of professionals who seem to get along just fine with formal language. But if you’re the most formal one in the group, then believe me: everyone thinks you hate them.

Matthew Gray Writes: My Top 10 Restaurant Pet Peeves

1) We all hate the way staffers hover near our tables.

It’s as if they’re being paid by the plate – or by the irritant value associated with removing one’s plate when there’s still a bite or two…or some sauce, still remaining. Not only that, they hardly ever ask if you are finished, or if they do, their hand has already made contact with your plate. They’ll remove plates whenever they can, not bothering to wait for all the patrons to be finished. This is perhaps not the rule, but it does occur all too often.

2) When my glass is handled or picked-up anywhere above the middle. I have witnessed way too many times glassware being handled at the top, or around the rim, where your mouth goes. YUCK! Ditto on the way my plates are handled.

3) I despise being advised to “keep my fork & knife” when plates are being cleared. Sorry kids, take the used silverware and bring me clean utensils NOW!

4) Up-selling. When I order the glass of $10 tawny port, do not tell me that the 40-year old vintage port at $30 is to die for.

5) I do not like when the waiter comes to your table and doles out the Parmesan cheese like it was Krugerrand’s. Give us all a break and bring us a dish of the stuff.

6) When a staffer recites the “specials” and opts not to tell the prices. I find this practice amongst the most dishonest and deceptive in the restaurant industry.

7) Removing the bread basket before the entrees are served. What is that all about?!?

8) Do not tell me to “save room for dessert.” I have been eating my entire life.

9) Know your food! Understand how it is prepared, what ingredients are used, and its general flavoring characteristics. Be able to answer my questions – – or get someone over to my table who can.

10) Don’t kiss-up at the last minute, after an evening of mediocre service, hoping to get a great tip.

Matthew Gray Writes: They’re Going To Take Our “Likes” Away!!

This is supposed to be Facebook’s way of contributing to our mental health. Since they own Instagram the believe they have the responsibility to ensure all our marbles/Mental Health are in good working order. Kids and elders alike freaking out about how many “Likes” their pictures receive.

Political corruption, climate change, corruption? Pshaw! They want to make sure we don’t make too much out of our “Likes” because it’s a surefire way to dumb-down the populace, when worrying over how many people loved (“Liked”) your bare-assed selfie when instead there are often thoughtful, articulate, and intelligent discourse to be shared and exchanged.

I, personally, have battled with this for several years. I’ll pour my heart out, guts and all, laying bare my soul for the world to lap up. I’ll spend a half-hour on whether to use the word “and” or “if” (as if…), but still it matters not. The man-made boobs, the skimpy bikini, the kitty-cat picture always wins out. I might get a few “Likes” and a comment or two. But the hot babe at the gym urging me to “feel the burn” gets thousands of “Likes” and comments. Sex wins. I was brought up and educated with the “Content is King” mantra, and now Facebook/Instagram, of all entities, are curiously trying to win back the thinkers, the wordsmiths, the poets in us all.

Well, let’s see if this really happens, as promised, because if not, I’m f–ked, because, although the camera loves me, I wish instead it loved my brain.

Thoughts? Or did I lose you without a cutesy/sexy photo?

Matthew Gray Writes: Hawaii Food Tours – ☼ The day I got a taste of real aloha…

Occasionally, friends and acquaintances invite me to their homes to show me the proper way to prepare something I may have written or spoken about. They want me to taste the authentic flavors they have enjoyed for generations. If only I could smell their exotic spice blends.

This summer, I was invited by Leilani, a longtime reader of my past restaurant reviews, to her family home. I arrived with a sack of freshly picked lychee fruit.

The food in the house was overflowing, bountiful homemade foods brought forth by each treasured guest; juicy kalua pig, simmering stewpots of pork adobo, mountains of fried rice, oodles of noodles, sushi, smoky huli-huli chicken, chewy-sweet mochi, and sumptuous coconut, lilikoi and passion fruit creations. As I looked around, something else caught my eye.

The late afternoon sunlight illuminated Leilani’s tears. She smiled and motioned for me to sit beside her.

Thanking me for bringing her and her husband, Sam, a lot of joy over the years, Leilani then added, “Ono kahi ‘ao lu’au ke aloha pu,” which literally means, “a little taro green is delicious when love is present.”

The Hawaiian phrase was beautiful, but when I tried to repeat it, I fumbled.

We both laughed. Hard. Then Leilani translated, “The plainest food is most delicious when accompanied by love.”

I was enchanted by the way she spoke such beautiful Hawaiian. Her gift of language inspired me. Again I attempted to repeat her words, and with a straight face she said, “Perhaps you should stick to English, my dear,” which ignited a fit of laughter… for her.

The next 20 minutes were hilarious as I tried to form gorgeous sounds just as she had, but with little success. It felt like we had become the Hawaiian version of “Who’s on first.”

When we finally caught our breath, Leilani looked me in the eye and thanked me profusely for snapping her out of her depression.

Leilani then asked her grandson and nephew to play “Hanalei Moon,” as she began to dance the hula. Her movements were hypnotic and emotional, as if the goddess of hula lived inside of her. She invited all the guests to join her in this beautiful moment. Quietly, joyfully, melodically, we formed a circle around Leilani.

A month earlier, Leilani had lost her beloved husband of 53 years, Sam. This was his birthday party. That explained why she was so sad earlier in the evening. The song she had danced to, “Hanalei Moon,” was one of Sam’s favorites. With this hula, she shared something priceless, the living memory of 53 years of wedded joy.

As I prepared to leave, Leilani’s son approached and thanked me for making his mom laugh as he hadn’t seen in a very long time. I was touched at how these people had cared, fed and accepted me. I began the day almost a complete stranger. I mentioned this to my host and thanked him for making my day special.

He humbly shrugged, as if this were just the way it is done in his family, and with the same captivating twinkle in his eye that his mother had while dancing, he responded, “One never knows the gifts a stranger brings.”

As I walked down the road to my car, I knew I had been the one who had been given a gift: a taste of true aloha.

Matthew Gray Writes: Hawaii Food Tours and Romance

Matthew Gray
C.F.G. {Chief Food Guy}
Hawaii Food Tours

Honolulu – September 2018

Food and Romance: How Are the Two Connected and What Does It Mean For Our Relationships?

Food and sex; sex and food – there’s no getting away from the fact that these two basic human needs are intrinsically linked. From Valentine’s Day, where advertisers go crazy selling us aphrodisiac chocolates in heart-shaped boxes, to that special first meal where you spend hours preparing for a partner with the promise of what might follow afterwards.

Like attraction, everything is rooted in our brains and scientists say food and love are bound together because they both produce the same reward hormones, like dopamine and norepinephrine, which make us feel good. But what are the affects of this connection on us during different stages of a relationship?

The beginning

Have you ever spent hours wandering around the supermarket aisle looking for that perfect meal because you are hoping to impress a potential partner? Or have you spent hours slaving over the stove, aiming to prepare something that blows them away? Are you hoping to, literally, win someone’s heart through their stomach? This theory is a valid one. After studying the evolutionary basis of romantic relationships, Maryanne Fisher, an associate professor of psychology at Saint Mary’s University in Halifax, says that the energy and time we invest in buying food and cooking for a new partner shows just how much we like them and is what she calls “an inconvenience display” and something that cannot be faked.

“Food is a way to display skills to a potential mate,” she says. “You might buy nicer food or prepare better meals. It’s fascinating how it can be used as part of the relationship.”

However, most people when they start a new relationship find that their appetite has disappeared. This is because our bodies are flooded with hormones in our brains, like norepinephrine, adrenalin and oxytocin, making us feel excited, alert and most definitely not in need of a big plate of pasta.

The middle stage

Everyone loves their Mom’s roast dinners or Grandma’s homemade biscuits, right? Some researchers say that love can actually be tasted and the same theory applies with a boyfriend or girlfriend who cooks for you; it tastes great!

In one study at the University of Maryland, researchers gave participants two bags of sweets. One had the note “I picked this just for you. Hope it makes you happy”, while the other read: “Whatever, I just don’t care. I just picked it randomly.” They said the first bag, which they thought had been made with love tasted better, when in fact, they were the same.

Have you ever found that after those few crazy days of infatuation and your new love, once you start to settle into the relationship you end up loosening the belt on your jeans, owing to what some affectionately label “love lard”? This is completely normal, too. One recent study showed that 43 per cent of women put on weight during the first year of a new relationship, compared to 29 per cent of men. Most of the women interviewed claimed just being happy was enough to pile on the pounds, while other blamed a poor diet, larger meals and not going out as much.

One research project at the University of North Carolina analysing 8000 couples who had tied the knot warned of “newlywed spread”. They found that women who are married are twice as likely to become obese compared to single population, mainly owing to lifestyle changes and getting comfortable. They also noted that the trend could be seen in co-habiting couples, with 63 per cent of women more likely to be overweight.

The end and the heartbreak diet

Most of us have been in a state of heartbreak where the last thing we want to do is eat and we lie awake at night hatching plans to win back our exes. One survey recently claimed that we lose 4lb in the first month after splitting up with someone. Again this is to do with the brain, which like a finely oiled machine created too much adrenaline, which increases cortisol levels and suppresses our appetites. There is also an increase in the love hormone dopamine, which is a natural stimulant.

Once acceptance has set in, this is when most people reach for the Krispy Kremes, trying to recreate those happy feelings that being in a relationship brings. Added to this is that when we are stressed our bodies are flooded with cortisol, which makes us crave carbohydrates, sugar and fatty foods. Food soothes us because of the chemical changes it creates in the body. In order to break away from emotional eating professionals say it helps to be aware of what we are doing and replacing eating with other pleasurable activities or by talking issues through with friends.

As you can see, the connection between love and food is a complex one.

Chef Matthew Gray has a vast background in Male-Female dynamics, Relationships, and Communications. Reach him directly at Matthew@HawaiiFoodTours.com

Matthew Gray Writes: Gotta End This Writer’s Block

I honestly cannot remember the last time I went into a supermarket with one thing on my mind, and one thing only, cantaloupe.

There wasn’t one in sight. I was dumb-founded, flummoxed and slightly amused/upset. (I did allow this to bother me the entire night, though).

Okay, there goes the writer’s block. I am back, baby!

Matthew Gray Writes: Gotta End This Writer’s Block

I honestly cannot remember the last time I went into a supermarket with one thing on my mind, and one thing only, cantaloupe.

There wasn’t one in sight. I was dumb-founded, flummoxed and slightly amused/upset. (I did allow this to bother me the entire night, though).

Okay, there goes the writer’s block. I am back, baby!

Matthew Gray Writes: Happy New Year!

It’s taken a while to get this year off to a reasonable start…

Happy New Year 2015

This is my New Year’s wish to you…

I once heard someone say that friendship is a long conversation, which seems nearly right to me.

Words are often free flowing and disembodied, like angels winging through pure discourse. Just once, though, I’d like to imagine those angels with bottles of beer in their hands and mustard stains on their gowns from wolfing down the occasional celestial Hebrew National frankfurter (with kraut, of course). After all, Louis Malle’s paean to pals was called My Dinner with Andre, not My Long Conversation with Andre.

A friend is hardly a friend if you can’t eat together and otherwise imbibe in spirits. In fact, I’ll dare say that what sex is to lovers, food is to friends, and any recipe for friendship ends up watery without a soup stock that nourishes the body and inspires, or at least gratifies, the palate, the better to release the intellect and encourage the soul.

Friendship is a long meal with plenty of gab (hostile or passionate, the flavor doesn’t matter) served by someone who takes pride in mischief, sympathy, and surprise. We reserve the right to not seat posers who pretend they are guardians of high culture. Finally, no innocents allowed either, that is, unless they’ve paid their dues to friendship by joining in the fray, risking the barbed words or poignant disappointments that true friendship seems unable to avoid.

But I suppose there is a hidden grace in that. I would never speak to my enemies, either in confidence or in anger, the way I speak to my friends.

I met Captain Bob on Tenerife, one of the Canary Islands off Spain, where he and his extraordinary wife, Brianne, were treasure hunters, honest ones, operating a primitive, two table island style restaurant. What they gave me most was food and forthrightness and medicinal doses of hell, which are complimentary ingredients in any friendship worth cultivating.

Captain Bob could render a red snapper into an elegant pleasure, and being far from civilization, I appreciated that. I think Bob’s first words to me were, “You’re not traveling with any anchovy paste in your luggage, are you? No? What a pity.”

Food brought us together and, during the wilder, rougher, more volatile moments of our friendship, which were frequent, food kept us together: a fresh start on a new day, a common denominator broadcasting our affection for each other when, in the course of vigorously exercising the scope of our friendship, the relationship began to look like an unnatural pairing not unlike dogs and cats, Israelis and Arabs, or Edward Norton and Courtney Love.

Because the food was good, it segued into conversation. Because the conversation was good, it led to storytelling and lies, and because the stories were good and the lies were even better, we quickly established the habit of endless all night arguments, irrigated by rum and cooled by European northerlies.

We covered everything: cooking, culture, and counterculture, politics, aesthetics, music, corruption and failure, and happiness. We’d argue about arguing, and when we got tired of arguing in English we’d argue in gibberish, pausing only long enough to raid the refrigerator or to open a tin of sardines in tomato chili sauce.

Since we’d met, we adventured together, sailed one or two of the seven seas, been lost together in the heart of darkness, relaxed like shipwrecked kings in the glorious balmy light of the islands, bunked together, cooked together, crawled home together and mourned together, all of those days punctuated with high doses of schmoozing, gentle and loving, sarcastic and sharp-witted or, just as readily, when it seemed inevitable, confrontational and bitter.

No matter how savage the night, though, in the morning we didn’t even bother being contrite. Captain Bob, red-eyed, would say, with the plain goodwill that keeps the world and all friendships together, “What can I fix you to eat, my friend?” and there we were again, united in fellowship against all the deaths and betrayals and disappointments that haunt a life, fortifying ourselves to carry on in the best humor we could manage.

The food doesn’t repair so much as remind us we’ve done all the preliminary work and don’t need to beat around the bush.

We’re friends. It’s not so easy to establish rapport in these overly politically-correct days, but we’re friends, true friends: whatever we do, it’s not a waste of time.

More than three centuries ago, the English poet Ben Jonson, while inviting, in verse, a friend to feast, suggested that no matter how much they stuffed themselves and indulged in wine during the course of the evening, they should nevertheless part as innocently as they met, without guilt.

“No simple word” Jonson wrote, foreseeing just such a friend and dining companion as me, “that shall be uttered at our mirthful union, shall make us sad the next morning; we shall enjoy the night.”

So, to all my friends (including former, and exes) whom I have hurt, made sad, or inhibited the liberty of their affections, or generally appalled, injured, or treated like the scoundrels they might for a moment have been, let me extend Captain Bob’s invitation as if it were my very own: “What can I fix you to eat, my friend?”

Matthew Gray Writes: Stereo Wars!

Stereo Wars!

You’ve all been through this scenario. Guy next door is doing construction on his house (endlessly… years-on-end stuff, literally), playing his music way too loud. Usually it’s fingernail-on-chalkboard stuff like Barry Manilow, or just all those songs you’ve heard way too many times for any single Human lifetime.

I asked kindly for them to turn it down, but my appeals were denied.

Well, guess what? STEREO WARS was initiated by me, earlier today. I’m typically a peace-loving individual, always having considered myself one not to mess with. If you engage anything against me or my loved ones that I deem negative, I will swiftly follow-through with ways to provide a rapid (and hopefully un-messy) solution. I’m never the instigator, I’m The Finisher.

So, yeah, having tons of fantastically-massive decibel-producing speakers in my home, I decided to give them a taste of their own medicine, so to speak, (except my musical choices are wonderfully mellifluous – brag, brag…).

So I carried four of my biggest and baddest speakers right at them, pointing them in the direction of the offending party, and gave `em an experience that basically knocked their inner-ears right off their asses. {Sorry, I tend to mix metaphors riotously}.

Anyway, and needless to say, I won this battle, and probably any & all future wars. I seized the day. Signed, sealed and delivered! (Courtesy of my woofers, tweeters, and mid-rangers!)

Can you dig it?!?

Matthew Gray Writes: What A Fucked Up Year – 2021 in Review

Serving as a catharsis (for me), a throwback (quite in vogue nowadays) and a caption contest (for you!), I invite you to read on…

In a year, a very fucked-up year, of loved ones lost, political and racial turmoil, lockdowns, of in-person friendships becoming distant memories, my beloved 16-year old business Hawaii Food Tours crashing and burning, and God knows only what else, a mere sliver/glimmer of hope teases.

{To carry on, sigh, it seems so fruitless, however, it’s the only thing to do when Life renders you a mere spectator.}

In the first photograph (taken tonight, 9 December, 2021) you see a McRib sandwich (the Bigfoot of the Fast Food industry) making its long and storied comeback.

The way the Media has covered the return of the McRib has been a hoot. It’s not Trump, it ain’t Covid, and it’s not racially charged. Oh joy, what a relief to those on the beat, and for you and me!

Adding to that, the divine porcine through-line, Yours Truly, just manhandled said McRib with a Napa Chardonnay.

Oh, and being a nice Jewish boy, on the eve of Hanukkah, can you dig the irony?

In this photograph, …taken in March 2014, is something I caught both shit and shinola for…

In it you see a Filet ‘O Fish sandwich and a bottle of Dom Perignon.

Aside from the astute genius of this pairing, and the McDonald’s relationship and juxtaposition, what else do you see?

What would you care to contribute? Do you wish to communicate? The time is now.

I will, just to gild the lily, share with you that all of my personalities (dual identities, multiple personalities, consider the possibilities!) love you 💗

Now then, what say you, my friend?

By Matthew Gray
Matthew@HawaiiFoodTours.com
Matthew@UltimateEatersGuide.com

2021… Yuck, what a year…

Don’t do bad things. Don’t steal my stuff. I have great attorneys. Mean, fierce types. Grrrr…